Always Keep Chasing The Sun

dear lonely
well that was the most lonely elevator ride ever.  i felt so deserted and so rejected.  you say i'm so pretty...but never more than that.  always just the physical.  i knew the answer to the question before i asked it.  i just wished that i was wrong.  i wanted you to like me for me not just for my "smooth skin" or "beautiful brown eyes" but for my kindness and my talents and...me.  i wanted you to like all of me.  not just parts of me.  i was ok with the no strings attached if someday it meant that we would attach the strings.  but thats not going to happen is it?  cause you will never see me that way.
i thought maybe you did.  when you would look at me so intently.  like you were studying every bit of me.  but who knows what that really was.  when you held my hand it felt different.  like someday it might become something.but yeah...guess not.


i don't know where to go from here.  part of me really really wants to just show you. i am more than who you think i am.  i'm not just a pretty face.  i'm not just a bubbly personality.  i'm both...and more.  and guess what...i really really really want to make you regret it all!.

dear pig
really that is all i was to you.  a piece of meat?  a thing to help you not feel lonely.  a fix for your need for validation.  it was all lust.  you knew i was weak and you knew i was a mess.  and you took advantage of it.  you preyed on me.  and then you led me on.  made me think it was possible.


dear
alright ill take responsibility.  id rather blame you of course but i let it happen...every time.  sometimes i suggested it.  i was lonely too.  its nice to hear someone tell you you are pretty.  or to have someone look at you so intently.  and its really nice to have someone kiss you like they want you.