12 Things You Should Never Say To a Single Person

So I've moved back home...I've attended my family ward....aka the church I have been going to since I was EIGHT...and everybody and their dog  (men, women...even CHILDREN) are asking me about my status.

It is moderately amusing in some ways.  Some try to be oh so discrete.  They try and ask as creatively as possible in hopes that I answer their question without knowing I did.
Others are just plain blunt.  Like the little girl who asks "Do you have a boyfriend?" And after my "Nope!" "Do you want a boyfriend?"  (This last question was harder to answer hahaha)  This bluntness though is preferred.  The super adorable child asking it also helps haha. 

I don't mind being single....when people aren't talking about my being single.  It seems to be everyone's FAVORITE topic of conversation.  So I guess I have gotten a little sensitive about it!

But point is....my recent experiences have led me to create a list.

A list of things NOT to say to a person who is single

(unless you want them to figuratively or literally high five your face!)

DISCLAIMER:  This is not just a list married/not single people should keep in mind.  I admit that I have used some of these phrases in my life.  Even us single kids are guilty of it.
These phrases are meant to be helpful.  Intentions are good!  BUT.....trust me.  NOT helpful!
(sorry to anyone who has ever wanted to pummel me after I said one of these things)

ALSO.... I make this list with a twinkle in my eye and a sardonic grin on my face....its all swilly remember?



1. But you are so pretty.  Why don't you have a boyfriend?  
for reals?  you basically just insulted the only thing I have in my arsenal other than beauty....my personality! Also please never say "but you have such a great personality" cause that is just insulting my looks.  Remember we are single and often not thrilled about it (cause you keep bringing it up!) so we are extra sensitive.

2. It happens when you aren't looking for it.
That is just plain not true.  I (and people I know) have had "it" happen when they were looking AND when they were not looking

3. You're next!!!!   (at weddings, showers etc.)
Ummm....you've said that the last 10 times one of my friends has gotten married.  So you have been wrong like 9 times!  You really stink at this psychic stuff.

4. There are other fish in the sea.
Thats nice????  for reals who came up with this phrase?  Its DUMB!  Also as a Mormon single person....the older you get the more your sea turns into a pond.  AND if you don't live in a densely (Mormon) populated area...a bucket with a hole in it!

5. I wish I was in your shoes!
Really.  You would trade your posh married life for the treacherous singles scene?  Don't you remember how just a few months ago you were complaining about how stressful and frustrating dating was?  And two days later (after you got engaged) you were practically crying because you realized you "didn't have to look anymore"  
Although I suppose you can say this if you are truly jealous of my shoes.....that will not cause me to wish you harm with my eyes.

6. You just are too intimidating.
This ought to earn you a high five in the face AND a fist bump in the stomach (at least in my book).  The idea that you are "too good"  "too awesome" or "too amazing"  is not very comforting oddly enough.  And anyway...if I was sooooooo awesome why has no one but you seemed to notice??  NOT a compliment!

7. Have you tried online dating?
Ummmmm none of your business????  Am I really that desperate in your mind?  I think online dating is a perfectly good option for many...when other options are not available.  A social/romantic relationship is hard to maintain in real life let alone in online life....so I believe it should be a kind of last resort.  Are you saying that I am THAT optionless???

8. You are too picky
Oh I am, am I???  Is male and breathing too much to ask for????   And wait a minute!  When I was 20 I couldn't be picky enough!  You were all up in my grill telling me to wait for the right one and not settle.  And now that I am twenty-eh he hem I am no longer allowed to be picky?  I've waited longer than almost all my friends and 50% of the population who is younger than me.  I DESERVE to be DANG picky thank you very much!!

9. So why are you still single??
REALLY???  How the HECK should I know?  Maybe its for all the reasons you have already mentioned??? Face High Five!

10. Your time will come/When the time is right
Using the word time is NOT advisable.  Many of us oldies don't like that word so much.  Also for the forlorn about being single crowd...this is like salt in the wound.  They already feel like they have been waiting for forever.....don't REMIND them!

11. I have the PERFECT guy for you!
Oh please stop trying to set us up!!!!!  I have been guilty of this myself-but I have decided I will only set people up who ASK me to set them up.  Cause lets be honest here....no one likes a blind date.  And the blind date set ups that actually work out well are the exception....NOT the rule!

12. Is there someone SPECIAL in your life?
OH GOOD GLORY YES!!!  Lots of them.....now stop trying to get up in my business.  Ask me if I am seeing anyone.  Ask me if I have a boyfriend. I don't mind you asking.  Just don't ask in a weird way while wiggling your eyebrows

So there is my list...and in the immortal words of a moderately well-known pop star....

"Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place 

I know I'll settle down one day 

But 'til then I like it this way"

Be Happy...Be Healthy <3