Thoughtful Tuesday

I am a firm believer in the whole forgive, but never forget idea.

Maybe I'm wrong.  But I have found I can be over something...but still be kinda hung up on it sometimes.
Maybe that means I'm not over it completely. But in comparison-I sure am!!
I'm an obsessive neurotic,which means if something happened, its all I can do to NOT think about it.
So when I stop thinking about it constantly-and only occasionally consider it---SCORE!!!  haha

With a few things that have happened in the past couple of days...I have been wondering.  Having some questions.  New info opened old wounds.  Month old wounds....Year old wounds.
I'm over the guys for sure.  But over the hurt, the mild insecurity, and questions.  Not so much......


When crucial people leave...what person doesn't wonder why?
If you didn't wouldn't it kinda invalidate their place of importance in your life?

And since they are gone...we can't exactly ask them can we................

So we put words in their mouths and thoughts into their minds.
We attempt to force meaning on every action, every look, every word said.

We try to make sense of it all.  But we never succeed.
So we blame ourselves.  Cause that we can make sense of.
Our actions, our looks, our words....that we can control...those we can determine the meaning of.

But after a while even that runs out.

And we are left questioning....what made me unbeautiful? Something that I said....something that I did?




How did we go from late night heart to hearts under pine trees to you LITERALLY avoiding me like the plague?
When did I go from the girl you were falling for to the girl you never called?
What happened to the talk of dogs...and children...and future plans?
How did we go from BEST FRIENDS...to never EVER speaking?
Why, when I threw myself into us...you turned away?


What did I do wrong?

Too bad the answers will never come.

Guess I'm not really over it.


So for now we will rock out to Lesley Roy and eat some chocolate.