So today in church.....

They always say that this time in our lives is one of great turmoil and confusion. There are tons of decisions to make and things to do. But I really think it is not the decisions that are the hard part...it is the time in between the decision and when the event happens that are the hard part. I don't know about anyone else but I personally have at least 3 mini-crises a day when I am in that interim part of life. Sometimes they are more than mini and I have to call in the reinforcements (aka the rents, the roomies, or the sibs).

So today for our closing hymn in Sacrament Meeting, we sang Lord I Would Follow Thee. The third verse of this song actually is the "theme song" of the BYU School of Nursing. Ever since I found that out...and even though I have chosen to not pursue nursing at BYU...I have kind of used this as a theme song for my own course of nursing.

I have been kinda struggling lately with the decision of what to do about my future schooling..where to go etc. I have no idea where I will end up and have even considered lately that I might not be a nurse. I have wanted to be a nurse since I was 16 years old so when I switch and seriously consider MFT (marriage and family therapy). I LOVE my MFT classes and really feel like I would have fun helping families deal with their various issues and struggles. I LOVE volunteering and would love to help at risk families. There is a 9 year old boy right now at the center who will likely be there for at least 2 weeks. This means he was likely removed from an unsafe environment or his parents were incapable of caring for him due to their own health, mental or physical. This kind of thing totally breaks my heart. I want to help these families. I want to help this to not happen!


But then I sit there and hear that song and listen to the lyrics of that third verse.

"I would be my brother's keeper I would learn the healer's art

To the wounded and the weary I would show a gentle heart.

I would be my brother's keeper-Lord, I would follow thee."

I know nursing is what I want to do...I just have to figure out a way to help families while I do it. There are some days when I am sure that anatomy is going to kill me or I am positive that none of the schools I am applying to will accept me. But I have to keep going. The best way for me to be able to have an influence on my patients is if I am good. And the only way I am gonna get good is if I work my tail off.

So today in church as I sat listening to the almost personal invitation and mandate to care for those who need my help I felt a little overwhelmed. What if I can't be good...what if anatomy does kill me or I don't get into any schools. But then I thought about what the rest of the song talks about. It not only talks about our responsibility to help our brothers and sisters, but that the Lord loves us all and will qualify us to help His children. I truly came to realize this morning that I will be able to do the good I want to do as long as I allow myself to be directed. The Lord will put me in a place where I can bless His children. If I couldn't help them he would put me somewhere where I could. He loves us too much to make us figure it all out on our own.

So crisis averted...I will still be a nurse and I pray to God that He will help me figure it all out and be the best nurse I can be.

sorry to get all spiritual---but its Sunday...and its who I really am :D

Quick update

For those of you who are interested......the first of five..possibly six..nursing school application has been submitted.
Friday I submitted the first to the University of Missouri aka Mizzou. I am not really super keen on going to this school but I would get in-state tuition and the required GPA is FAR lower than the one I currently have. So it is kinda a safety school.

For those who don't know applications for Goldfarb Nursing School in StL, Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, and Mass Gen Hospital School of Health Professions in Boston will be going in in the next couple of weeks with their deadlines being in the first part of November. University of Utah in Salt Lake and Oregon Health and Science University in Portland are due in Jan and prolly will be done Dec ish.

There is currently no front runner. They all have pros and cons so I am just going to wait and see which ones let me in!!! keep your fingers crossed for me!

Autumn in Utah

I absolutely adore fall.....I am thinking it might be my favorite season. I love the warm sunny days and the crisp nights. I love leaving my window open all night and then not wanting to get out of bed in the morning because it is too cold! I love the fall leaves and the smell of the air. There is always a hint of fire smell in fall air. I love that I can wear my trench coat and scarves and hats....but not have to wear so many layers that I look and feel like a marshmallow.
These are some shots I took conference weekend when a bunch of my ward (church congregation) went up the Alpine Loop (Provo Canyon...past Sundance for those who don't know), to Cascade Springs. GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!! Plus I was there with awesome people so.... :)

Feeling Pretty Lucky

So I was volunteering again today. Every week something else happens to totally make me fall in love with these kids. This time I went in to find only 4 kids. One little boy looked like he had just had a bit of a bad day. He looked upset about something and with kids the best medicine is almost always distraction. So I go over and start to play cars with him. Again I saw a total transformation...he either needed attention or a distraction from what was bothering him. Whichever, I was able to help and I am grateful I had that opportunity.


After a little while of playing with the boys in the room, I saw a little girl sitting over by herself. She looked about 10ish months old, but was actually 1 year old. I had seen her earlier, when she was being held by another volunteer and when I looked over at her she gave me that I am about to cry look like she had given me several other times earlier. So of course...the mushy girl in me went over almost immediately to make sure she was alright. She started to break down as I came over and as I sat down she came over whimpering and put up her hands. I sometimes wonder if the universal signal for "pick me up" is a reflex..cause they all know it! So I picked her up and she just clung to me. Then she got restless and started squirming. I figured she was sufficiently comforted and was ready to get down. So I sat her down and was met with a second eruption of whimpers and her turning around wnating to be held again. So I picked her up again and distracted her with toys (another example of distraction being the KEY to all childcare haha)



Of course after I got over the fact that I adored having an excuse to hold a little girl...I, of course, began to anaylze, as I always do. I am seriously a major nerd. Given the situation this young girl was probably in, her behavior was mostly likely due to attachment issues. She was very "disorganized" in her behavior; wanting to be held, squirming, not quite knowing what she wanted. I think she had some issues with self-soothing as well.
She was very clingy, and when I was able to let her go, I had to stay very close. I had to be right there and always in her eyesight for her to feel safe. Obviously this girl was very concerned about being left and abandoned. Attachment is ESSENTIAL in a child's life. Growing up with a secure attachment is related to numerous positive outcomes and not having one has similar amounts of negative outcomes.

This young girl obviously needed an example of a trusting adult and someone who helped her feel safe. I feel so lucky that I was able to do that for her even if it was only for an hour. If someone can do that for her just occasionally, I know it will help her.

With this "job" I don't always see the results of my efforts and I just have to guess what they will be. But this is enough for me. I feel so blessed and lucky to be able to hang out with super cool kids, who need me. I get to play and snuggle and get excited for the smallest things. What could be better?