This is one of my favorite Christmas songs about Christ.
Not just for the beautifully haunting melody.
The poetic imagery of the lyrics is powerful.
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Close the path to misery.
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
How beautiful to consider.
In life so often we are stuck in the gloomy clouds of night, the dark shadows that try to swallow us up.
But through Jesus Christ we are given victory over all that saddens...all that threatens to destroy our happiness and joy.
He can save us...not just from the Hell they teach you about in Sunday School. But from the personal hells that we all experience at one time or another in life.
Mariah Carey's version is cool and fun and peppy.
But...there is something about Michael Buble's version.
He kinda slows it down and brings out the romance of it.
We all love Christmas for the reindeer and the trees and the stockings.
We love Christmas for how it reminds us of the birth of Jesus Christ and the true meaning of the season.
But it also is wonderful for how it lets us be close to the ones we love.
Family, friends, that special someone.
Its a time when the best gift is time, memories and perfect moments.
I'm an adult. My age says so. But I hope I never become a grown up.
Grown ups forget the magic.
They forget the echoing silence of a nighttime snowfall.
Or the wonder of the sea of lights twinkling throughout the neighborhood.
Grown ups don't fall asleep next to the Christmas tree.
They don't make lists for Santa or leave cookies and carrots.
You won't catch a grown up dancing to Christmas music
And they certainly won't close their eyes and make a wish that the hat they put on their snowman will bring it to life.
As we grow up and get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life...bills, work, insurance claims, 401Ks....we forget the magic and hope that comes with Christmas time.
Rudolph and Santa and Frosty are replaced with Bosses, Presidents, and the all powerful and mystical THEY.
But Christmas is more than just a day.
Its a season. A season for gratitude and a season for love.
A season to be with those you hold most dear and to make cherished memories.
Its a time to remember that the world isn't all bad.
The news may be full of wars and rumors of wars.
Famines and pestilence. Earthquakes and disease.
Poverty and hunger and violence.
But also somewhere there is a child....making a wish on a Christmas star.
Today was a bit of a roller coaster!
I won't get into too many details...other than that I suddenly sat in shocked dismay feeling as though I had lost an ally and a protector.
It luckily was a misunderstanding and I ended the night with two allies and two protectors.
But there for a while I felt very low. And as I drove home, this song came on.
"To free all those who trust in Him from Satan's power and might"
Satan was trying to bring me down. But my Savior came in to free me from his power and might.
This time of year its easy to think a lot about Christ and what He has done for us...in a general wide expanse sense.
BUT
I know I don't usually think about the little things. The tiny moments when He frees us from Satan's power and might.
The moments when He truly gives us comfort and joy....not just tidings of it.
So a million years ago (ok it was only like 3...it just feels like a million) I ended a 365 day lyric blog. A song a day. All year.
It was exhausting honestly haha. But after I finished, I missed it. And ever since a small part of me has always longed for the days when I had guidance and direction on what to write about!
And now here we are at Christmas time. And Christmas music is a constant sound at my house and in my car.
Christmas songs are so special...and I have many favorites.
Maybe thinking about Christmas songs will finally help me get over my blog writers blog hump!!!
My career/education could take a turn...if I want it to.
My social life could shift....if I let it.
My living situation could alter...if that's what I choose.
But here is the thing. It could change....if I decide that's what I will do.
It doesn't HAVE to change.
Anyone who knows me knows the pro/con lists and flow sheets of if this...then that are ABUNDANT in my life right now.
Its been a frustrating time, not knowing which direction I should take.
I spend lots of time in my car and it is often the perfect place for out-loud and...well lets call them... honest conversations with my Heavenly Father.
They aren't the tradition bow your head, close your eyes and kneel down prayers.
They are more the "look...here's what's going on" prayers.
Recently I was having one of these prayers. And in exasperation I said "I don't know what to do! Tell me what to do and I'll do it!"
Suddenly....This song came on the radio......
Now I'm not saying God made this song come on the radio.......
But I know He helped me hear it in that moment.
The answer to my question was to be brave.
Who knows what on earth that means, but its meant I've been looking for bravery.
I saw it in a dear friend who openly admitted to having a problem and asked for help.
I saw it in a severely depressed young women who reached out to a person who might reject her.
I saw it in a young girl who was sick but went through a medical treatment with her head up and her eyes bright.
Bravery means doing something that scares us. It means not letting our fears paralyze us.
It means going outside of our comfort zone.
Its hard to be brave. And we can't always be perfect at it. But lets celebrate the moments we are!
Something my church had begun to do recently is put out "Mormon Messages".
Little videos of inspiration, hope and love.
This one is very special to me.
You might want to grab a tissue (I needed one!)
Please watch......
Now if you wouldn't mind I'd love to talk about it a little.
This topic is close to my heart.
We all have people in our lives who we love, who are struggling with feelings of depression.
Feelings that can, when a perfect storm hits, can develop into thoughts of suicide.
Few of us however are trained in psychology or psychiatry.
I have personally felt like I didn't know what to say and what to do.
I have had friends who have said they didn't know what to say or what to do.
You don't have to know. Of course you want to fix it. Of course you want to say the perfect thing. Find the silver bullet that will save the person you love, even when they don't want to be saved.
But it doesn't have to come from what you say.
It comes from your presence. From being there. From standing by.
When you feel that low its hard to see anyone who cares or anyone who will not be better off without you around.
So prove them wrong. Gently help them see your love.
(I say gently, as forcing yourself on someone doesn't usually end well)
Help them know you are there, by being there.
Presence. Its cheesy and cliche. But its the best present you can give.
You may not know someone right now who is struggling with deep and intense thoughts of suicide.
But you know someone who is discouraged. You know someone who is broken hearted and in need of your love. And you never know what personal and internal battle they might be facing.
Look out for them. Love them.
I have watched people turn to the most unlikely of "saviors" in their darkest moments because they knew there would be nothing but love.
Be the person people can turn to. Be the look out. Give the gift of presence and love.
I will admit I feel a tad bit guilty for having a little rant about being ok with not loving your trials and sorrows. (see THIS post for more)
I'm always gonna say what I think and not sugar coat it.
Trials and bad stuff...rotten. Rotten and no fun!
And its ok to think that...
BUT
(there is always a but isn't there)
It is also important WHAT we do with our feelings.
It can be really really hard to not become bitter, jaded, and cold when the world seems to have nothing good in it.
We have to be careful. Positivity is a virtue that sheds a ray of sunshine on a difficult time. And we can't let it hide and negativity take over our attitudes and outlook on life.
But how?? When life super sucks how do we see the positive?
Well one helpful little thing is gratitude.
"But I've tried gratitude" you say.
And yeah, for a little while thinking of all the things I'm grateful for makes me happier. But then I start making a lit of all the things I'm SOOOO not grateful for!"
Oh so you are chronic pessimist like me! Yeah! Buddies!!!!
Trust me...I know its hard to not see the negatives outweigh the positives.
A great leader in our church, whom I admire greatly Dieter F Uchtdorf suggested the following....
Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation? In other words, I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances—whatever they may be.
Again a truth moment....I'm not sure I get this super well and FOR SURE do not practice it well.
Here is some more of what he said that helps clarify it for me a little.
When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.
We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?
I think for me the key is this....its helpful to be grateful for things in our lives. But it is even better to grateful for our circumstances and the situations we are in.
The idea of an attitude of gratitude is kinda cliche. But I think cultivating a constant state of gratitude in good and bad times is always going to help.
Its easy to get into the habit when things are good. So take advantage of that time to practice and make it a habit...a part of who you are!
Then hopefully when the rough times come...it stays.
Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges.
THERE IT IS!!!! That's what I'm saying!!!
I am VERY good at not being pleased with my circumstances. Not as good at looking beyond with eyes of faith though.....
(could talk for posts and posts about faith....but we will leave it at that for now!)
This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer.
I'm not saying its an easy thing to do. But I can be very sure that it is helpful. And that it will bring a contentment and peace to times of trial and times of plenty.
(To read the entire talk I referenced, click HERE)
Plus....I can't even commit to buying a $3 sweater from a thrift store....how can I commit to something that not only costs more....but is INSANELY more permanent.
but if I did...........
I do have a few ideas.
I'll admit that lately I have been more tempted than normal. Call it my rebellion against the status quo of my life that has become very monotonous.
So I've been considering it.
I've also lately found a lot of phrases lately that I ADORE.
Is it acceptable to adore phrases? Call me a wordy weirdo if its not!
One I've shared before "It Can Be Fixed" (thanks Hott Latino)
But can we pause for a moment and contemplate the irony of getting a tattoo with such religious undertones?
Another that I got from the delightful Ashlee of The Moments We Stand (recent OBSESSION!)
"Be Still. Breathe"
When the world is raging and your mind swirling. When nothing seems to make sense and you feel your heart begin to race and your breath getting ragged....
Be still. Breathe.
Its all going to be ok....cause it can be fixed.....
(see what I did just there??)
After attending the Ingrid Michaelson concert last week (wait for monday for more on that one!!)
I have also become obsessed with the phrase
"Living like you're dying isn't living at all"
(Afterlife has become my new pump me up song!)
But I don't think that phrase is really tattoo worthy.
"We are, we are, we're gonna be alright. We got, we got, we always got the fight in us"
But OI! that would hurt! sooooooo long.
But do you really want to know the winner???
across the right side of my ribs. In swirly but not too swirly type.
Always Keep Chasing The Sun
Are you surprised?
haha didn't think so.
Friday, October 17, 2014
To Let Go
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone.
To let go is not to cut myself off; its the realization that I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be protective, but to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but grow for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
To let go is to give the pain to someone who can handle it, for cannot on my own.
How many times have we been told we should be grateful.
That there are so many people who have it worse than us.
I hate that. Truly hate that!
Maybe its just the world according to me....but there is no such thing as a "worse" trial.
Everyone has bad things happen to them. And it doesn't matter if they might be considered by outsiders to be small or huge. It doesn't even matter if in a few years you, yourself might not consider it to be a big trial.
They are huge and serious to you in this moment.
And they are huge and serious to your loving Heavenly Father. He worries just as much about the struggling divorcee as He does about parents trying to raise 5 kids under the age of 8. He is just as concerned for the girl stranded on the side of the road waiting for AAA to arrive as He is for the alcoholic.
Last night I took the time to read a blog I have been meaning to read since a family friend introduced it to me back in March.
What would you do if your husband and the father of your 5 children, the youngest 6 weeks old, was brutally murdered by the husband of his mistress?
Of anyone, this women might be justified in saying her trails were worse than anyone else's.
But what does she say?
Whatever the situation and wherever you have been . . . you have been hurt. You have felt alone. You have been abandoned, either by your parents, your lover, your friends, complete strangers, or even yourself. We have all been at that crossroad where all we have left is ourselves.
Sometimes these moments of lows have brought you to your knees and caused you to reflect and ponder your relationship with God . . . and other times they have made you question if He is even there, or if He knows you are alone. Whatever that moment has been for you, it is personal and real. It has defined and refined who you are, who you think you were, and who you want to become.
(If I wasn't impressed with this women already....guess what...I was FLOORED by this statement)
It is personal and real.
I'm not against squaring your shoulders and counting your blessings.
I'm not saying that gratitude is not an important part of getting through trials.
Both are crucial in survival and are essential for happiness
But I have seen too many people belittle their own feelings.
And worse I have seen too many people lessen and disregard the pain and the hurt of others.
Never think you are better than someone because you think you have hurt more than them.
Never think someone doesn't have a right to feel pain because their trial is small.
And never feel guilty for being hurt. For struggling with a trial or temptation.
It matters. You matter.
And so does everyone else.
We all have trails. We all struggle.
So lets be kind to each other. And to ourselves.
Also if you want to bawl your eyes out, or hear incredible stories of forgiveness and strength in trials.....
Bones and bodies can fail due to circumstance or disease.
Cars and technology can malfunction.
Personal belongings can be gone in seconds.
Natural disasters can come from no where and forever change what was.
And seemingly worst of all....
Relationships can be wounded and damaged.
Ideals and dreams can be crushed and lost.
During a particularly dark and dreary time in my life, I looked to a dear friend for comfort and advice.
Through my tears I told him how broken things had become. How I didn't know what to do anymore.
I've always considered myself a pretty capable person. I'm really good at finding solutions to problems.
But the problems I faced didn't have solutions I could see.
I'll never forget what he said...and even more how he said it.
He looked at me...with the most kind eyes. "I feel impressed to tell you...It can be fixed"
The most broken things can be repaired.
My life is no different than any other. My sorrows are not unique or special in anyway.
And yet...there is a solution. A specific, individual solution, just for me.
Every problem that keeps me up at night.
Every sorrow that breaks my heart.
Every hurtful, painful thing that brings tears to my eyes.
They all can be fixed.
A deeply faithful person would say something like "It all will be fixed on the Lord's time table and in the Lord's way"
But I'm not that faithful right now.
And thats ok. I'll take my mustard seed. My little glimmer of faith and hope that all that is broken will be mended.
I don't want to worry about the whats or the hows. Its too exhausting. And leads me to doubt and question and fear.
When I feel like I'm drowning in the raging waters of this life...I grab on to this one thought...
It can be fixed
And yours can too.
I don't usually include scripture or doctrinal evidence when I write-I prefer to be anecdotal.
But please-if you would like to know what doctrinal basis/knowledge/foundation I have for this faith, the following links may be helpful.
My previous post for today is going to get put on hold.
Because today I found out some very sad news.
Below is a post I wrote back in February about the sweet daughter of a dear friend of mine.
She had been doing well at the time. Finishing the first major round of treatments and waiting for the next step.
Friday she suffered a major setback and it is medically clear that she will not be with us much longer.
So many thoughts are swirling in my mind.
I'm ashamed to admit there are thoughts of anger.
She had to be one of the 4 in 1 million?
This is a beautiful righteous wonderful family.
Its not fair. Its not fair at all. How could this happen
They have prayed so hard. They have fought so hard.
So much prayer and fasting. So many times have names been put on the alters of the temple
She is so young and so precious.
But at the same time thoughts of gratitude can't be pushed aside.
I'm grateful for my knowledge that children, under the age of eight are saved. They have that magical golden ticket to pass by the sentinels that stand watch at the gates of heaven.
I'm grateful to know that families are eternal, and that regardless of what may happen, The Graves family will be able to be with their little Anni again.
I'm grateful to know that soon this sweet 3 year old will be free of the pain and fear that has plagued her life these last many months.
Then my thoughts turn to prayer.
Prayers that her parents will be comforted in their grief. That their faith will be strengthened and their heavy hearts lifted.
Prayers that her siblings will be able to cope and find solace in a world that doesn't make sense even if you are an adult.
Prayers for grandparents who have put their heart and souls into anchoring and supporting this family. Prayer that they will feel strong and be able to grieve and support-a dual task that is not an easy one.
Prayers for the friends and neighbors who have helped...prayer that they will continue to flood this family with love and assistance.
Prayers for the medical team caring for this sweet girl and her family. That they will make all the best decisions and give the highest level of care. And that they will be comforted in their sorrow...we may see it a lot, but we are not immune.
One of the most powerful lessons I remember from Rebekah (Anni's mother) when I was a teenager was on prayer. With great emotion she told us of times when she prayed and her prayers were answered.
Never did I imagine that this lesson would become so powerful as I tried (feebly) to help in some small way.
All we ever can do sometimes is pray.
And so that is what I will do.
Graves family you are in my thoughts...you are in my prayers.
Ever since I started working in pediatrics, there has been a story I have wanted to tell.
In the Summer of 2013, I received an email from a dear friend, an old youth leader who I loved very much.
The email told me of the sad news that her daughter Annika had been diagnosed with a stage 3 neuroblastoma.
The news saddened me greatly, knowing what little I did about cancer diagnosis and treatment.
Several months later I began to take care of other children with the same condition.
And now its gonna be pretty hard for me to be quiet about it.
"Awareness brings compassion and compassion brings action"
And we need all three.
Imagine being 2-3 years old (most occur in children under the age of 2). Having a condition only 4 per million children have. A condition that causes tumors to grow along the nervous system outside of the brain.
Picture having test after test run, in dark and scary rooms with loud and frightening machines.
It seems that every grown-up you see want to hurt you with a needle to get blood.
Then you sit in a big chair in front of a big desk, while your mom and dad cry.
And then suddenly more hospital visits. You start to recognize that you are driving to a place that scares you and you begin to cry even before you arrive.
And suddenly there is a weird thing on your chest. But they seem to be able to get blood out of it so no more horrible pokes.
And then then the nurses start giving you "medicine" to make you "feel better".
But you don't feel better. You feel tired and sick to your stomach.
You hurt and you don't know why
You have to wear a mask everywhere you go and you can't do the things you used to be able to do.
You feel like you never get to be at home anymore.
You can't sleep through the night anymore, because either you wake up sick or someone wakes you up to "get blood", or "take vitals" whatever that means.
Its not all bad I suppose, You get ANY food you like cause all the grown ups seem to be very worried about how much you eat. You get to watch lots of tv. You get to meet famous people and have lots of grownups tell you how cute you are. You get to see clowns and dogs, make music and be the nurse's helper.
Now I don't tell you this story for pity. I don't even tell you this story to get money or support for a cure from you (although I have included a link below for more information and how to get involved.)
I tell you this story to open your eyes.
In my line of work I have realized how blessed every parent of a healthy child is.
And so this is all I ask.
Be grateful for your health and the health of those around you.
And please pray for those who are not.
Annika-so glad your journey is going forward...so glad you are coming home for a while.
All my love and prayers are coming atcha....don't try to dodge em cause we all could use a few extras!
I hope to continue to talk about neuroblastomas, and Annika's story as time goes on.
The list of foundations is endless. I have done a SMALL amount of research and have found this foundation to be wonderful in there information and efforts for research.
I encourage you to do your own research of course before getting involved with ANY charity.
Mara does love announcements
And Elise does dear boys.
usually my dear boys have been passive aggressive rants about boys in my life or in the lives of my friends that have been driving me BANANAS.
But...not really happy/sunny/positive.
All three things I'm trying to have more of in my life.
So lets combine the two and have....Love Notes to The Boys
dear volleyball friend
you always made me feel special and wanted. not many people were glad i was there. not only were you...but you told me too. thanks for rising above the culture.
love
spectator
dear supporter
i know it probably didn't mean much to you but it meant lots to me. thank you for your kindness, your understanding and your support.
love
girl trying to make a change
dear bell boy
you are always around and i so appreciate it. you always know just when to text or call.
totally out of the blue! how do you do that?? here's hopin I can be half the friend you are
love
girl in need
dear hott latino
where do i even begin!!!????!!!! you are the ultimate blessing in my life lately!!!
also ps...praying every day and night that i'm a good matchmaker ;)
love
dear dear friend
dear old bald guy
thanks for not trying to change my mind. i know you probably wanted to. thanks for being a card carrying member of my fan club
love
won't be a stranger
dear king of the tie-dye people
thanks for creating a culture where we could be ourselves and flourish. also thanks for being a good friend full of great advice.
love
former tie-dye girl
dear methadone
thanks for being around. you bridged me well when i really needed it.
even though its time for me to step back....know i will always hope and pray that you get back to where i know you can be. you are an incredible guy. be incredible!
love
former addict
dear tie-dye boys
you will forever and always be the bench mark for what guys in my life should be like. thanks for memories that still bring a much needed smile.
love
lets be honest.. ALWAYS tie-dye girl
dear lomlabffe
i'm here. not going anywhere. just let me know when you're ready. when you want to talk...cry...yell..or just sit in total silence. i'm here for you. you have always been there for me. i hope you'll let me help you back.
love
me
I got to talk to a dear dear friend tonight...tissues and tears abounded.....but I left feeling lifted.
Life throws a lot of curve balls and today I felt like I was in a batting cage with no bat....getting pelted by balls right and left.
So I called a friend and luckily he was still awake and alright with me saying through sobs "I'm coming over...I'm halfway there and I'll see you in 7 minutes"
He is a wise and caring friend...and he let me rant and cry and just get it all out. And then he gave me some lovely advice.
And he told me something that I am now going to call the parable of the elevator.
We all know how an elevator works. You push the button. The cart arrives. The door opens. You get in and it takes you where you need to go.
But have you ever thought about what would happen if those steps didn't go in that order?
What if the door opened before the cart arrived?
If the door opened and there was no cart, you would step in and fall, potentially to your death.
Sometimes its all about timing.
And sometimes the closed door is protection.
Its hard to see the closed door. You push and push and push that button, impatient for the cart to arrive.
And sometimes you wait. You wait for what seems like forever.
But then finally the door opens and you safely get to your destination.
But if that door had opened early....who knows what would have happened.
Its hard to stand and wait. Its hard to have the perspective that the cart hasn't yet arrived.
So even when its hard.
We have to be grateful for closed doors.
Anyone who has been following me frequently/for a while (ehem...you know who you are) knows I adore this song.
A beautiful song about seeing the beauty in the heart break of closed doors
This post is dedicated to those who travel to the island of misfit toys to retrieve the invisible, and make them un-invisible
I am almost as hesitant for this post as I was for yesterday's.
But I have been so humbled and completely astounded by the lovely response I have received to yesterday's post....that I have a little courage today!
None of us are perfect. We are all going to make mistakes...inadvertently hurt another person in our path.
I don't want anyone to feel discouraged or guilty.
Instead I would like to motivate and encourage.
Cause YES the people in my life have hurt me, on purpose and by complete accident.
BUT there have been countless people who have healed me when I needed it most.
Small things make a difference. When I have been fighting the cancer of invisibility, my chemo has been kind words, uplifting people.
But it never was just one compliment...never has been one act of inclusion.
It has been multiple....many seemingly insignificant moments that save you.
Sitting by someone sitting alone isn't grandeous....but it combats loneliness
A smile and wave..even from across the room doesn't stun teams of oxen....but it can change a life.
A compliment on an outfit, or a task might not seem like much...but you never know.
You don't have to look far. Many times we don't act invisible. So take a guess. Help out anyone.....and pretty sure, you will be exactly right
We all have the ability to change the course of a day for another person. It takes a little bit of effort to see the lonely and to be kinder than you have to be. But its worth it.
Do you best to not exclude. Do your best to use kind words and kind actions.
This is really the whole thing.
In my life there have been many people in my life who have seen me when I felt as though I was fading away.
Dear friends have said kind and lovely things, just when I needed to hear them.
So thanks to you.
And thank you to the hundreds of people who have and will save us invisibles
This post is dedicated to all those on the island of misfit toys...
I hesitate to share a post that is so incredibly personal, but I do in hopes that it gives peace and comfort to some, and motivation to others.....
So this will be a two part series......stay tuned for tomorrow.
When this song first came out, I thought it was cheesy and silly.
But then my life got to a place where it suddenly took on a great deal of meaning.
I don't want this to be a whiny sad, woe-is-me post.
This post is not about me. Or at least not just about me
Its about anyone who has ever felt left out.
Anyone who has ever felt worthless and not good enough.
Anyone who has ever felt invisible.
I truly believe there is strength in numbers.
There is comfort that comes with shared experience.
You are not the only one.
I've been called abusive, a whore, a self-righteous skank, privileged and spoiled, manipulative, mean.
All by people who supposedly cared.
wishing all it was, was sticks and stones those words cut deep
I've been the only one not invited to parties, game nights, activities or events.
I've had friends walk away from our friendships.
I have been the girl holding up the wall, or sitting in the corner by herself.
I've been cheated on. I've been used. I've been treated like I was just a piece of meat.
I've had to fight tooth and nail, use every trick I know to get people (both guys and girls) to notice me, or be my friend.
you've been trying for so long to find out where your place is
You've felt this as well haven't you? Well....
Trust the one....Who's been where you are
It don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
I haven't always felt invisible.
Its like a cancer that goes into remission for a while, but pops back up, rearing its ugly head.
Life will seem to be going alright...and then you don't get the invitation all your friends do, or an unkind word is said, or you suddenly feel all alone in a crowded room.
And you begin to wonder... "Is there something wrong with me?" "Is there a reason they all seem to not like me?"
Its a constant battle.
A battle that, though I want to give up everyday...I refuse to surrender.
you're strong enough to win
If you don't feel it now...I understand. Its hard to feel the hope when you are in the middle of the muck.
So if you don't-that is ok.
I don't feel it sometimes either.
Just keep listening to the song. Listen until you believe it.
You are NOT invisible.
When the tears don't stop and the loneliness seems to be trying to drown you.
Lets go back a few years to a great weekend trip to Kansas City!
Can I please tell you how amazing my weekend has been? You guys are gonna get an awesome three post day..cause I have three very important things to talk about!
First I had the amazing pleasure and honor to attend the open house of the Kansas City Missouri Temple.
For those of you who did not know, when our church builds a new temple, the building is open to the public for a few weeks before it is dedicated (then only worthy church members may enter).
I felt so blessed to be able to enter this beautiful building. We went through at a time when (according to the tour guides) there were more people going on tours than there had been at any other time so far. And yet it was still quiet and peaceful. You would think a couple hundred people would make more noise...but nope! The weather held off too...so that was really nice.
Feel free to listen as we walk through (I'll explain later why I picked this song)
First lets start in the baptistery. This is an area where worthy members as young as 12 are able to be baptized as proxies for those who have died without an opportunity to be baptized. This gives them an opportunity to accept this essential saving ordinance.
Many times we are able to be baptized for our own personal ancestors...what an amazing experience!
As we move upstairs we come to these two instruction rooms. Here members of the church learn about the Plan of Happiness that our loving Heavenly Father created for us. We learn about and make covenants or promises to follow the commandments as well as live Christ-like lives of purity, honesty and service.
I just have to say as a side note...this picture does not do justice to the beauty of the mural in this first room. It was truly magnificent. The artwork in the temple is all beautiful. Much of it is centered around Christ, but many landscapes are also displayed. These paintings, in my humble opinion are particularly breathtaking.
Here we are in the Celestial room. This is the "ultimate" room of the temple. When we entered this room no one spoke, not even our tour guide. It is by far the most beautiful room in the temple. It is symbolic of the Celestial Kingdom (hence its name haha) This room is astoundingly gorgeous. Ornate almost seems like the wrong word, because that makes it sound almost gaudy. But it is truly elegant and breathtaking.
Alright,..here is another awesomely important room in the temple. the sealing room. In our church we believe that families can be together forever despite the short separation brought on by death. This is the room where that can take place. Not only are husbands and wives sealed together, but children are also sealed to their parents. In my opinion this is the happiest room in the whole temple!
Now at one point during our tour, we got an extra special treat. We were led through the temple by a dear couple from Kansas. When the wife of the couple realized that we had a little extra time, two young single adult sisters and three young girls in our group she took the sisters on a special trip to this room.....
This is the bride's room. And oh my gosh...please excuse the reenactment of the MAJOR girly moment that occurred in my head.
"OH MY GOSH!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! THIS IS SO PRETTY. Its like glowing! Its so shiny and gorgeous I can;t stop smiling...I think I am glowing. Its rubbing off on me! OH MY GOSH!!! Oh look at the mirror...Stephanie stop picturing yourself in a wedding dress in that mirror!!!"
Seriously it was beautiful!!!!
Last thing I want to talk about is the decor. I know that sounds kind of crazy but it was so lovely, and so perfect. See in the picture of the recommend desk the stained glass olive tree??
This is where the song comes in. Throughout the temple, in flower arrangements, on carpets, in gold leafing on ceilings walls, the iron railings, in chandeliers and even in the windows...
there were images of olive branches. The main color scheme was a lovely green..kind of in between a sage and an olive green, cream and gold. It all tied back to that olive branch.
My friend and I wondered what the symbolism of that was...and came up with two possibilities.
1. The olive branch symbolizes peace and truce. Members of the church have a long past of persecution and contention with the citizens of the Kansas City area. However, this symbol of the olive tree shows that these problems are all in the past and that this temple is an offering to the community of friendship and cooperation.
2. In Jacob (a book in the Book of Mormon) there is an allegory about an Olive Tree that teaches about the gathering of the House of Israel. We believe that this will happen in a place very close to Kansas City called Adam-ondi-Ahman. This is another possible source of symbolism.
So that is the end of our tour. Magnificent building right?
I know that peace can be found there. I know it is a House of the Lord. A place where the Lord and His Spirit can dwell. I know it is a place where we can make special covenants and perform sacred ordinances for our kindred dead to allow them to progress towards salvation..
I'm so so grateful for this opportunity I was able to have.
Here is a short video if you have questions about Mormon Temples
