Focusing is Hard

So I have a huge test on Friday.  And I am giving myself 15 minutes to write this post, because I keep thinking about it while I am trying to focus on the signs and symptoms of stroke...and what to do for patients with fractures....and how ventilators work.  And I need to get it written so that I can focus again.

Its been hard to focus all DAY!!!  I have a million other things on my mind.  At other times in my life I would say that I'd rather think about anything but my school work.  But right now...all I want to think about is school...cause its so much easier than all the other things going on.

The other night I couldn't sleep.  I was restless and anxious and agitated.  I kept trying to distract myself with something else...and everything I kept thinking about just got me more agitated.

I think life goes through phases.  And I am currently in an agitated one.  Lets hope it ends soon and the next phase is a calm and peaceful one (doubtful....but a girl can dream right?)


I'm sure a bunch of you are wondering what I am so agitated about.  Its really not important.  Point is...it is very distracting.  And it certainly didn't help that the Notebook was on TV while I was making dinner (pancakes and eggs...gotta LOVE breakfast for dinner!!)

Its hard to focus when you realize some screenwriter somewhere stole your lines......

"Couldn't sleep last night because I know it is over between us.  I'm not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real.  And if in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy, and remember....."

I guess that its not fine...but it is the way that it is so.....

Bad Luck...What Kind of Luck? Very Bad Luck

I can't seem to get out of the habit of posting everyday and trying to come up with a song for the day haha

Its funny now that I am not I miss it...when I used to resent it.

But anyway...on to what I want to rant about today.

I have had bad luck when it comes to dating...very bad luck.
I won't go into too many details..that should be its whole own post.
Some days I blame myself....other days I blame the boys....other days I just throw up my hands and assume that fate...or karma....or whatever rules luck....is not my bestest friend and I just have bad luck.

The other day a friend of mine was trying to encourage me to be more positive about my dating situation....but he just couldn't ......because "you have had bad luck!"
Yep...its not just me who thinks it!!  haha

Today I think I just have bad luck.  Bad things just happen.  The wrong guys like me.  I like the wrong guys. The situation isn't right.  And I end up burned.

So why am I talking about this now?
Well I have had another stroke of bad luck.  Before things could really get started...they ended...a total ALMOST moment......

Hence the choosing of this song.....plus I really like A Fine Frenzy :)

MAD AS...well You Know

I wasn't mad when I didn't get the phone call I was hoping/expecting. (should have listened to myself and my post from Saturday haha)

Stomachache and headache....ignored and suffered through.

But then I get a nasty message.  From someone who I think would call me a friend.
Yeah I don't call you a friend anymore.  And now....now I'm mad!

You think calling me nasty names is the best thing to do??
Mr Know It All.......lksjdf;lkjsdf;jklhsdfl;kjsdflkjsdfiouwerjhdvkjn

you have driven me crazy for MONTHS!  But I have tried to take the higher road.  Tried to find your good qualities and like you for those.

But its over....Its done
I wont be mean...no I wont stoop to your level.
But you better believe that unless I ABSOLUTELY have to....I will never be speaking to you again.


And this is my first real rant post....interesting........

Thoughts on Faith

So today while sitting bored in Sunday School (I'm sure it was a very great and interesting lesson...I just wasn't really into it...I was super super tired) I was flipping through my little note pad that I keep in my scriptures.

As I was...I came upon some notes/thoughts from a 5th Sunday lesson my bishop gave on faith.

I never really thought about it the way he suggested...there are 2 types of faith:
Faith in what will happen
Faith that causes things to happen that wouldn't normally happen

I think I have the first one.  I have faith that things will happen in my life that are good.
But I think a lot of times we forget the action part of faith.

I mean we all say that faith is an action word...but do we have faith that our action will work?

Kinda backwards sounding right???  But really.  We know that we have to act on our faith.  but do we have faith that that action will work?

Everything is gonna work for our good...and thats a promise!

Grant Me the Wisdom

Ever heard the phrase, dog with a bone?

Yeah well, that can sometimes describe me very well.  I get an idea in my head and I don't let go.

Good right? It means I can get things done.... persevere and all that good stuff.

But every virtue can become a vice right???

YEP!!!

Somethings really are hopeless.  (Not EVERYTHING..just some things....don't worry...no need for suicide watch hahaha)

What is that thing they say at AA meetings???

"God grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change,

courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference."

Sometimes you should hang on tight.  Other times it is best to let things slip through your fingers.

Sometimes you have to let go of the hopeless things.  Give up and move on.

In the long run its probably for the best in fact.  Cause if it is not working out....how is that good?

When things fail they leave the door open for the next great thing.

So I am giving up and letting go of something I have been holding onto for too long.  

But I'll be honest.  Doesn't mean I'm happy about it.  

I may be letting go on the outside.  But inside...I'm still holding on.

If there was a song for today......it would be this one........

Favorite Things Friday

So here is my first installment of Favorite Things Fridays!!!!!


This weekend I have had a series of songs on repeat

I started out with this one...over and over again.

Then I added these three!

My family is getting sick of these songs.....But I'M NOT!!!!!!

FAVORITE FAVORITE!!!!!!

What songs are on your "repeat list"

The Compulsory Gratitude Post

Its Thanksgiving and everyone in the blogosphere is writing these moving posts about how they are thankful for life and liberty and love.  Family and friends and all those lovely things.

And don't get me wrong.  I am grateful for all those things too.
But today I am unconventionally grateful.
So I am grateful for.............

-fluffy pillows
-quoting movie lines with my sisters
-caramel apples
-sunny mornings
-brand new tubes of mascara
-new scents at Bath and Body Works
-having trouble knowing what to eat because my parents have so much food!
-the public library
-my Christmas/Thanksgiving wreath
-mittens
-hats for days when I don't want to do my hair
-soft blankets
-SLIPPERS!
-apartment complexes with swimming pools
-sunscreen....and aloe vera for when I forget to put sunscreen on
-Redken Heat Protectant (seriously I can't live without this stuff!!!!)
-Hulu--so I can keep up with my shows on my own schedule
-Disney movies
-bright colorful scarves
-eye-shadow palates that come with hundreds of colors :)
-those silent snowy nights
-being able to put my hair up with just a pencil :)
-big earrings
-SALES
-CHOCOLATE

50/50 Shot

So I prolly wont write everyday like this once school starts back up again.  But right now I have plenty of time and lots to talk about so......I will write.

I feel like I need a song.  the songs were my crutch so to speak.

They let me say what I wanted to say without the words actually coming from me.

It was a little safer.  This is a little more vulnerable.

I don't like being vulnerable.  I mean I guess no one really does.....so I 'm no different from anyone else haha

Its hard to put yourself out there.  Its hard to say here I am...take it or leave it.

Cause lets be honest...you've got a 50/50 shot of getting totally rejected!

And so we as humans are scared.  And cautious.

But sometimes you forget you are supposed to be cautious. So you throw yourself out there.  And again....you've got the 50/50 shot.  

Will you Sink or Swim??

A Song For a Tuesday

So I know its not Theme Song Thursday....but I have been listening to this song ALL DAY LONG!!!!!
Like seriously we are on like repeat number 20 or something like that!

Plus today is transition day and I am missing my music blog.  So here's a little methadone to treat our withdrawal :)

You've heard this song before I'm sure.  Bonnie Tyler did it originally. And then the Fairy Godmother from Shrek sang it.

But you've never heard it like this have you?

I don't know what it is about it.  Its such a pretty arrangement. And for some reason its speaking to me today.

I'm having trouble finding a way to talk about this song that isn't hopelessly romantic and pathetic haha.  Cause thats not me.
So lets try this angle.

Lately SEVERAL people have been asking me why I am not married.
(Honestly the next person who asks me is likely going to get an explosion of pent up frustration stemming merely from the constant asking of this question)
And the honest answer?  Cause I haven't found him yet.  Not my soulmate.
(the idea that you will be doomed to a life of unhappiness if the stars don't align in your favor doesn't sit well with me)
But my...wait for it...hero??
(pausing to allow you time to turn away from your computer...vomit in the keyboard is just not pretty.)

I do believe (or more accurately hope.....) that someday I am going to meet someone who is gonna save me...well, from myself!  Someone who is not perfect...but is perfect for me.
(Again I will allow you a moment to gag)
And until then...I am going to wait.  I'm on the "get kicked out of the Singles Branch....31 or BUST" plan.
I'm holding out.  Until I find the right one, I am not going to jump in.
And if that takes forever...well then it takes forever  :)


also...just a thought....this would make an AMAZING cabaret/lyrical number!!!!
Totally choreographing it in my head!!

The Theory of the Hug

So ready for this?

Hugs have 5 levels....

Level 1---"The Guy Hug"
              This occurs between guys only.  Clasped hands are in the middle to limit touching.  And backs are merely patted.


Level 2--- "The Side Hug"
              You do not want this one at the end of a date!  Ouch!!!  This is a clear signal of NO ROMANTIC             feelings!  However this is also a perfectly acceptable hug for when it would be weird to give someone a full on hug.

Level 2.5--- "The Even Hug"
                  This hug is usually the one you give relatives and the person you just met, but you feel comfortable enough breaking the touch barrier.  Someone goes over and someone goes under...but you are both pretty much in the shoulder region.  So you are very evenly matched.

Level 3--- "The Cross Arms Hug"
              This hug involves each person reaching over one shoulder and under one arm...creating an X like formation.  This one can lead to awkward "ummm where are we putting our hands" moments.  But they can work out ok.  These hugs usually mean friendship.  Generally new, trying to get to know each other better....

Level 4--- "Comfort Hug"
               This hug involves the gentleman going over (shoulders or mid arm) and the girl going under (waist or chest).  This indicates high comfort and good friendship....or it means you have been together for FOREVER!  This hug is most comforting for a girl in distress.  It is very protecting.  This is likely my favorite hug.


Level 5--- "Optimal Hug"
               This hug means the girl goes over (shoulders or neck) and the guy goes under (waist).  This is obviously optimal because it can lend itself very well to a nice little kiss ;)  This is a commitment hug.  Also warning guys.  This leaves the girl very vulnerable....so be careful. And don't be offended if she isn't super excited to initiate such a step.

 Your life has now been transformed.  Now go forth and HUG!!!!

Blogosphere...DISCUSS!!!

Hello!

Look its all different!
I finally decided I would give some TLC to this blog.  Likes????
Anything you vote for changing?????

Two more days and I am over here exclusively.

Get ready for more pictures, rants, updates and theories, Dear Boys, What Do You Think Wednesdays, Favorite Fridays, Movie Mondays, Theme Song Thursdays.


Anything you want to hear about????

Ignored

I think I might be overreacting.
Probably am.....but I am going to rant about it anyway.....more like whine since rant implies anger...and I'm just sad........
cause its late..and I'm tired...and I haven't cried in like 3 weeks.......
(very VERY rare for me)

There are few people in my life who are kinda ignoring me.  I thought there was something there.  But I guess I was wrong???

One friend is really busy....so maybe thats why he never texts back.  But he made a 2 hour drive a few weeks back.  So doesn't that warrant a text or two??  Or maybe even a phone call.  Gosh... it would be so nice to get a phone call....  I wish you would show up on my door step....but beggars can't be choosers.

Another friend is hurting.  He doesn't want to talk about it.  And I can understand that.  But I don't want to talk about it if you don't want to....  Can I tell you about my day?  Can you tell me stupid jokes?  I know the good friend would give you space.  But maybe I'm not that friend.  Maybe I just want to be selfish for a minute and talk to my friend.  The guy who used to always cheer me up.  And leave me with the goofiest smile on my face

Then there's the one who is ignoring me for the new girlfriend.  Oh well.  Not much I can do to change that.  And I can't resent it too much cause you are so happy.  But...now my truest bestest friend is gone.  No more walks...no more long phone chats.


I wonder what is really going on.  Cause I don't know the whole story.  I wish I did...then I wouldn't be hurt.  But since ya'll wont talk to me I can't find out!  (ok so that was a rant moment!)

Hopefully this is not too much of a Debby Downer post.....but oh well
I promise my next one will happen during the day.  When I am much more chipper!  haha!

Dear Boys Linky Party: The Sequel

Linky Party Fun-ness
Check out Elise's Blog

Dear Yummy
You are really going to try and pretend that you don't realize every girl with eyes that walks past you has a minor coronary.  For reals??? You are THE most yummy one in our group...accept it my love.
Also your hair is very soft...what conditioner do you use??
Love
Your New Friend (ps very happy about this fact)


Dear Drama King
Honey you need to get control of your horses....everything is not either the apocalypse or the millennium.  There is such a thing as the middle ground.  I think if you find it...you will be much happier.
Love
Mama


Dear Missionary
Thank you for making the right choice!!!!  I am so proud!!!!  My fingers are crossed for you that it will all work out like it is supposed to.
Love
Mama Steph


Dear Clark Kent
Ah well isn't this an interesting situation.  Timing kinda bites doesn't it?  Oh well....I'll always be around with a smile and a hug if you promise to always make me laugh and keep your end of the deal we made.
Love
Suzy


Dear Mean Kid
I am trying here..and you are not really making an effort at all.  You were mean..and I let everyone tell me it was uncharacteristic of you.  Yeah...you are still being mean.  And still being rude.  You are still making jabs.  Maybe I am over-reacting.  But please stop.  Haven't you damaged me enough???
Love
Wounded


Dear Chicken Boy
You are prolly counting down.  I am......you have 12 days.  Good luck with your new life...and new wife.
I know I should have given you up a long time ago.  But you were my first love.  So I'm not sure I'll ever be truly over you.
Love
Nostalgic Girl


Dear Annoying Little Brother
A NEW ONE!!!!  REALLY????  Trying to figure out who you are dating is like trying to cure the disease of stupidity.  IMPOSSIBLE!!!  You confuse me.  The amount of girls who can tolerate you confuses me.  I mean yeah...you could be seen as attractive by someone other than me.  But really????
Love
Confused and Annoyed


Dear Smarty Pants
I am gonna WHUP you in WWF....How do you like THEM apples!!!!!!!
Love
Smarter Girl


Dear Writer
You were NOT worth my charm.  You are a little full of yourself and kinda...what is the best way to put this....and intellectual snob.  But you have been nicer to me as of late...so I won't close the door on our friendship.  We'll see.
Love
Cautiously Optimistic

Dear Hater
Stop hatin.  I will do as I please thank you and I don't need to hear your opinion.  When I graduate I will move to where I want to.  So suck it!!!!!
Love
Provo Lover



Dear Weekend Boy
I am not a fan of this arrangement.  I already hate Sunday nights...and you make it worse.
I realize this is a little extreme and perhaps a little pathetic...but
Also...I believe I am being ignored for a novel...not sure how I feel about that fact...
Love
Missing You

GET READY!!!!

Hello ladies and gentleman

Be looking for changes!!!!  CHA CHA CHANGES

I currently have a second blog...my-lyrical-life...that is a 365 day song of the day deal
Since we are in the 350s with that one....and its hard to go every every day....
I will be transitioning exclusively to this guy :)
Which means its going to need to get  A LOT MORE EXCITING.....
So stay tuned for.. shenanigans!!!!

Also PLEASE FOLLOW!!!!
I really want to get at least 50 followers...just for my personal self esteem.
So tell your friends...tell your moms...tell your dogs.....and tell them to follow!!!!!!


(yes this is a pathetic plea for followers..and yes it is very uncool...but I will stoop to that level...)