Finding Happiness: Vulnerability Also....I'm a NERD

WHY????  Ok...there are many reasons.

First books like this....



are like my favorite books to read!

(PS so totally should blog about both these books....SOOOOO incredible!)



BUT today....its because of this.....
I ADORE TED TALKS

And its not for the inspiring and awesome feelings and stuffs.

I mean those are nice.

But I get crazy about the research!

I love research.  Not actually doing it....I hate that...SOOOO TEDIOUS!!

But reading it???  Using it?????  Having it explain life and those you interact with???

LOVE!!!!!!!!


(Side note....not interested in nursing research....sorry nursing professors but my HUMAN DEVELOPMENT professors got to me first!  And now I'm hooked)



Today I watched this one........oh so interesting!

So to be truly happy....be vulnerable.
Lean into the joy and live whole-heartedly.

I could talk a lot about it...but she does a pretty good job yes?

Be Happy Be Healthy everyone

Alright Peeps-SOAPBOX time!!!

A few days ago I was cranky with several boys in my life (what else is new??)

And so I decided to write a book.  About all the reasons I was cranky.

Then I realized how wrong I was.

Also that I likely could never write anything long enough or interesting enough to be a book.

(Disclaimer...this may not make much sense if you are not Mormon and don't know a lot of the cultural norms and stigmas attached....but I still think this post is worth a read so...you'll make it!)

As I explain I want you to picture sacrament meeting.  Its the first Sunday of the month.  You see a cute (insert gender here) walk in.  You notice and appreciate.  Then they get up and bear their testimony.  Afterwards you chat them up for a bit.  They make intelligent and insightful comments in Sunday School.  And after church you chat them up a bit more, getting to know them just a little bit more

And by the end of the 3 hour block..you have discovered a person who is

-talented in some way..music, sports, art....

-attractive

-socially competent

-intelligent

-spiritual

-successful in work/school etc.

and over the age of 25

And now I ask you a question.  What is the first thought that comes to your mind?

I would venture to guess that for many its 

"So why are they not married?" or "What's wrong with them?"

How many times have we caught ourselves doing this?  Myself included!!!!!

The past 3 guys I've gone on dates with (I exclude the 4th as an outlier) I have asked myself the question and even pinned down a reason!!!  (insert face palm/hand slap here)

We all know the reasons we give....

Momma's boys

Peter Pan complexes

Morality isssssues

Baggage...of all varieties...leading to walls.....

Too independent/intimidating/successful

Personal character flaws.......

BUT sometimes there is no reason right?  

How many times have you heard someone (aka a grandmother type) list off all the many excellent qualities of a single person and then say "I just don't know why they aren't married"

WE NEED TO STOP FINDING REASONS!!!!!

Not only for others but for ourselves!!!

Sometimes the reason is simple.

This person is not married because they are not married.

It is as simple and basic as that.


And sometimes the reason YOU are not married...is just because you are not!
I mean, have a few self reflective moments I guess.  BUT...once thats all done.  Give the thought that it may be situational and not personal a chance to marinate.


PS..Be Happy Be Healthy

Brave-My Definition

Brave- 

"having or showing courage"

(Merriam-Webster)

Ok.  

But how do you show that courage?  How do you tell if you have it.

Some might say that being brave means telling the guy you like that you like him...even though you are pretty sure he doesn't like you back.

Its about saying what you need and want to say.

Its about throwing practicality out the window.

But I'm not so sure.

I mean yeah that is brave.  For sure.

But maybe its even more brave to walk away from the thing you want....but shouldn't have.

How many times in our lives have we wanted something, but known it is totally wrong for us.  

In my opinion walking away from this is even more brave than fighting for it.  

Its hard.  It goes against what you have been encouraged to do for most of your life.

For years we have been told to go for it!

To not let anything stop us...or to not let anyone tell us we can't have something.

But sometimes-you can't.  Sometimes you've gotta walk away.

And that is even more brave.

Closing the door when you so desperately want to stay-now that is brave.

Why Is It Such A Big Deal???

May I ask a question?

When did going on a first date become such a big deal????

I'll admit I've been super pumped/psyched/moderately stressed when the first date was with someone I had a high level of interest in (see explanation HERE)

But as a general rule, a first date is just that.  A first date.  Someone you know-who you want to get to know better.  At that point you are just acquaintances.

Now may I throw in another twist??

The phenomenon that is LDS singles congregations.  They are like rumor mills on STEROIDS!!!

So many who are part of these bad social experiments (tehehe) choose to keep first dates a secret.

And so I ask again.

Why is it such a big deal????

Who cares if the WHOLE ward is talking about how you went on a date with Susy?

The only thing they are truly saying is that Susy and Bob went on an excursion in an effort to have fun and become better friends.

Now whether or not is going to lead to romantic connections is really no one's business-I'll concede that point.

But why do we have to keep our activities a secret?  If I go out with my girl friend and someone asks me what I did and who I was with, I have no problem telling them.
And I feel the same way if the news I would be sharing involved a date.

Honestly this secrecy just breeds seriousness.  The lies and the avoidance just makes it a bigger deal than it has to be.

I guess I'm just on a simplify/honesty kick lately.

Lets keep things simple.  Lets just be mature and honest.  Lets just not make it a big deal!!!!!



Thats all----go forth and be chill :)


Be Happy Be Healthy!

Mature Adult Conversations

Alright-so you might get a little nervous with this title.

Yikes-what is this girl gonna talk about now????


Don't worry-this is going to remain G-rated.


So once upon a time (ok I admit it...once upon several times) I had this guy I kinda liked.  Alright lets be straight up...I really liked him.
And at the same time as I liked him, we developed a friendship.

(note to self-I need to stop developing crushes on my friends-it always ends...well not so well)


And being me-when it seemed like he didn't like me-I applied the good ol' "He's Just Not That Into Me" principle and stopped making any effort in our relationship (term used in general and broad manner).

Then friendships fizzled and sadness and depression ensued ;)

So I tell you all this as a cautionary tale.

Because I have grown a little (and by a little I mean microscopic growth!) since many of those "incidents"
And I have figured out how to do it best....mostly thanks to some great advice from a great friend

The conversation went something like this (minimal artistic license taken at some moments, as we are not always SUPA eloquent when speaking!!!).

"I miss him!  He's totally disappeared, and I miss my friend"
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"I probably should"
"Yes you should-you need to have a mature adult conversation about how you feel and what you need and what you want"


Oh people if only we followed this advice and more conversations like this!!!!!
Wouldn't our lives be much less complicated?????

I know-easier said than done-but try!!!

Put on some new shoes and turn over a new leaf.  Be strong and confident--adult and mature!!!!

Its refreshing-trust me!!!!

Enjoy some chipper music and......

Be Happy Be Healthy!!!!!

A Theory...Since Its Sunday...TWATTSG????

Not sure which one this is actually.

But point is...at the request of my dear Meredith

The difference between being AFRAID and SCARED.


Being in my mid 20s....there are a lot of changes that happen.
Moves, changes in my social scene/climate, new schools, new jobs
ALL sorts of new...and all sorts of unknown.

And sometimes I get really scared.
And thats ok.

Scared means that you care.  If you were apathetic about it....you wouldn't be scared.
And apathy is everyone's worst enemy.

Going out of my comfort zone scares me.  But that means it is probably good for me right?
When you are trying to increase your flexibility there is a little pain associated with the stretching of your muscles.
Good pain...good stretching.  Stretching that helps you grow.


HOWEVER.

Have you ever/known someone who has ever stretched too far.  They weren't prepared and hurt themselves?

Go with me on this analogy ok????

This over-stretching is what we are going to call being afraid. No bueno

Being afraid paralyzes us.  It stops our progress.

At the risk of getting all spiritual...fear is of Satan...and faith is of God right????

Just because you have faith doesn't mean you aren't a little scared.
It just means that you aren't afraid.
It means you trust and believe that the outcome will be what is best for you.

Being afraid means that you fear that the outcome you want won't happen.  And that things won't work out.
Being scared means not knowing which will happen, but being alright with both because you know both will end right........


Does that make any sense???
It does to me at least!

Now before I get too long winded so that you don't want to read this whole post...or any future post EVER....may I make a quick suggestion???

THIS was a broadcast from this evening by a leader in our church specifically for single adults 18-30

He spoke a lot about faith and having faith.  Watch it...it was stellar!  And he says it better than me.

Also...if you are a crier...it got me a little bit-just a warning



Also to learn more about my faith/beliefs...click on the I'm a Mormon" link on the side bar!!!! or just comment haha!

BE HAPPY BE HEALTHY!!!!!

TWATTSG: the DTR...It Shouldn't HAVE to Happen

I know its Monday-which usually means music. .
But I'm not feeling music (weird I know!)

BUT a conversation with Little Sister and Baby Sister yesterday sparked some thoughts
And so I will share......


First some background for those who are not in the Mormon dating culture (lucky ducks!  haha jk)

A DTR, or determine the relationship, is a common occurrence in our world.  Its a conversation where both parties are able to communicate their wants and needs in the relationship and where they see/want it to go.

DTRs are not simply limited to "alright we've been on a couple of dates, are we dating exclusively/officially?" They also can be employed whenever a couple would like to take the next step in their relationship.


Now, did you see how I bolded and italized the word CAN?
That means I don't really approve of the DTR in ALL situations.
Now I will concede that sometimes you have to...communication is important and I would never discourage it.
HOWEVER.  In most situations...DTRs create MORE trouble and drama than they prevent.

Too many times after a long (generally whiny) gab fest with a girlfriend about confusion over a hot/cold guy...the result is advice to have a DTR.

DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!!!!

It is VERY possible to have a natural organic and obvious progression in a relationship.
As long as you are progressing.
Signs can let you know -- if he keeps asking you on dates....he prolly doesn't hate you.  If he holds your hand....if he kisses you.  If he introduces you as his girlfriend.  If he asks you to marry him.

Does this make sense??
I feel like guys worry that we don't want your "advances".
(PS 9 times out of 10 she wants it! like FOR REALS!!!!!)
If we don't we will let you know.  Its VERY easy to get out of holding someone's hand/kissing them/marrying them.
So just give it a shot.....

I know this is putting a lot of pressure on the guys.

And in a future post perhaps I will put more on the gals.
(cause we do have a little power wink wink nudge nudge)
But today I would like to borrow a thought from my favorite "Spicy Chicana"

"PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS!!!!"

DTRs can be avoided....just avoid plateaus.
Don't be hot and cold.  And you will do just fine :)


And thats the world according to this Swilly Girl!


Now Be Happy Be Healthy...and put on your BIG BOY PANTS  ;D

Notes from a Nurse: Care Plans...New Years Style!

Haven't done a notes from a nurse in a while...so let me tell you about something DREADFUL. Something every nursing student ABHORS and the memory of which leads even seasoned nurses to MOAN.


CARE PLANS


For reals people these things are truly terrible!

Care plans consist of
1. Nursing and/or Medical Diagnosis (what is overall wrong) Ex. coronary artery disease
2. Problems (what negative results can come from what is wrong) ex. decreased tissue perfusion
3. Interventions (what we do to prevent/address problems) ex.
4. Outcomes (what we would like to see happen)

(PS depending on how you were taught, #1 might not be a part of the process....but it works well for me today!)

Now true, this is a good way to look at nursing care in an organized manner. But it still is the bane of every nursing students existence!



Now...why am I telling you all things.....

Because Care Plans are EXACTLY like New Years Resolutions!

Cause lets be honest..though good intentioned they tend to become the bane of our existence by the end of the first week of January!

But at the same time...both can be very helpful.

So here are a few tips I have picked up over the years...that I am going to try and do too... so here we go.


FIRST: the Diagnosis----This is your actual goal. Make it broad and vague and general. This way throughout the year motivation can be more easily rekindled and discouragement more easily avoided.

For example: "Get into better shape" is better than "Run 4 miles every day" What if you can't one day...or one week. Then you are all bummed and less likely to start up again. So BROAD and VAGUE.


SECOND: the Problem---Now this is were we get specific. And we change...MONTHLY. Make Feb 1 and March 1 etc just as important as January 1. These are specific things regarding your general goals. PROGRESSION is the key here. You cannot expect to eat an elephant in one bite. Its lots of little bites. In this case it is 12 little bites. Each month pick another aspect of that larger goal to work on.

For example: "Get into better shape" combines with specific goals like- "Increase flexibility in February and adding "Increase muscular strength" in March


Third: the Interventions---this is HOW! Now you can talk about 4 miles and schedules. In this one FLEXIBILITY is the most important. Again monthly check-ins (or even more frequently) are a really good idea. If something just isn't working...don't give up, just adjust!

For example: "Run 4 miles outside everyday" turns out to be super hard in January. So you adjust to the treadmill in February. But still not great, so you adjust to Zumba in March


Fourth: the Outcomes--this is the MEASURING part. Outcomes need to be specific an measurable. Basically they are how you measure whether or not you achieved the original resolution.

For example: "Able to run ____ miles" "Able to lift ___ pounds"


so thats that! Now I may be full of crap...BUT..maybe this will help you out.



Anyways...Be Happy Be Healthy

Bless All the Dear Children

I have been trying to come up with a good way to approach the recent tragedy in Connecticut.  I feel like I cannot ignore it.  Too many mothers and fathers and friends are missing their sweet little ones this Christmas season to ignore it.

But I have not felt like my words were adequate.  

The depth of the sadness and the grief seems insurmountable. 

So this evening I choose to steal the words of others, who are able to say it so much better than me.  

The first, a clip from a fictional television show.  Though it is not an exact fit...it meets my feelings and expresses them in a way I cannot.

"The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight."

"This is a time for American heroes.  They are our...TEACHERS"

"God bless their memories"

The streets of heaven truly are too crowded with angels tonight. 

But these sweet and beautiful angels are safe now.  They are protected.  

And now my only prayer is not for those who have left us.  I am sure of their peace and comfort.  

My prayer is for those still here.

The mothers and fathers who will have unopened Christmas gifts.

The families who will have one less person at the table.

The children who will have to go through the painful and frightening process of returning to school, with friends and teachers missing.

And so I end with this Christmas carol.  And repeat the words of the final verse

 

Hug those you love extra hard this Christmas season.

And pray for those who cannot.

And as always-Be Happy Be Healthy

TWATTSG:The Word Date

You know those meme things???


Here's one

When the word date is said.......

What a girl pictures


What a guy pictures


May I please ask a serious question??

Why does the word DATE scare guys so much???

I have found that most guys have no problem spending time with girls, talking to girls or anything of the like.

And these same guys have no problem asking a girl to "Hang Out".......................
which in the immortal words of Brittney and Nicole is code for "Lets watch a movie and make out after"

Now come on gentleman.  Is dinner or yogurt or the Mormon version of drinks or coffee all that scary??

You are totally not terrified of the NCMO (which is a pretty big gamble if you don't know the clingy level of the girl you are slobbering on) but a simple two hours of polite small talk is terrifying????

I understand that rejection is scary and that putting yourself out there is scary.
But that is not what I am speaking of.
I am speaking of the fear you all seem to have of the word!

But can I ask you to please for the LOVE

GET OVER IT!


The word DATE is actually a GREAT word.

Ladies...have you ever been on what you thought was a date...but the guy you were with didn't?
And conversely have you ever hung out with a guy who thought you were on a date?

CONFUSION right???

The WORD date gives clarity.
It shows a girl that the gentleman is interested in getting to know her better

(NOTE: it DOES NOT mean marriage!!!!!  Guys AND girls are both culprits of this erroneous-ness!)


If used....a date can help avoid the dreaded DTR.....but more on that later!

For now....gentleman...FOR THE LOVE OF PETE...
please use the word date.....I promise it will not lead to this.....

TWATTSG: Confused vs Being Confusing

Let me lay out a story first for us.

Once upon a time there was this girl (aka ME).  And there was this boy (duh!  don't all my stories go like this?)
The boy and girl had never really had an opportunity to really do anything...but they were friends and in the back of the girls mind she kind of wondered, but never did anything.
Then one day after several months of not seeing the boy and several weeks of not even talking to him, he suddenly contacts her.  And suddenly they are meeting up for lunch.
She walks in and he immediately gives her a HUGE hug.  Not only was it big...it was tight....and lasted longer than was likely proper.  But she blew it off as him just being happy to see her after such a long time.  But then this lunch turned into a very date like lunch.  Goofy light-hearted flirting, compliments, he paid.......
And then the end of the "date" he suddenly reveals he has a girlfriend.


Now we all know that I am a serious subscriber to the "he's just not that into you" philosophy.

The whole first part of the story makes you think...hmmmm...maybe he's into you.  Unlikely, but the clues are piling up.
And then all the clues come crashing down.

I am not confused.  I think the situation is QUITE clear!

But can I just say....HE is BEING confusing!!!!!

I think its an important distinction to make.  Some judge us girls when we talk about guys being confusing.
Just because they are being confusing doesn't mean we are confused.

I am not confused...but I am annoyed that he is being confusing.....

Off soap box and rant over

The World According To THIS Swilly Girl

NEW SERIES  Bloggy people!!!!!!

The World According to THIS Swilly Girl  aka  TWATTSG (pronounced tee-watt-sss-gugh)  (cause that is so much more clear!!!!)

Anyway.  Its not like I don't do this already...isn't that simply the nature of a blog???

But these posts will signify that the below musings and opinions are simply that.....OPINIONS and MUSINGS.  Not fact...not doctrine...not necessarily truth.

Just what I think.  I feel like if I create this series...I won't have to do the whole *disclaimer stuff at the beginnings of posts!


ANYWAYS.....

Lets start with some background.

Background info 1
This past weekend was General Conference.  This is a worldwide broadcast of speeches given by the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (MORMONS!).  Twice a year for the whole weekend (four 2 hour sessions) we are able to hear messages concerning doctrine, counsel and other important church information.  We believe that these leaders receive direct revelation from God on what they should say and therefore treat the transcripts of these speeches as scripture (just like the Bible)  Its a pretty unheard-of notion in modern-day Christianity and is one of my favorite aspects of my religion.

Background info 2
Our church has a rich history and involvement in missionary work.  We believe strongly in service and in sharing the message of the Gospel with all who will listen.  To facilitate this effort, (single) young men 19-26 are STRONGLY encouraged (never forced of course...but advised and counseled to) spend 2 years serving proselytizing missions.  Single women also serve similar proselytizing missions for 18 months from the age 21 up however, less emphasis is placed on their service (basically they are THRILLED to have sisters serve, but they should not feel any obligation). (Older couples also serve...but lets not get into the nitty-gritty of that).


SOOOOO...this weekend President Thomas S Monson, the current prophet and president of the Church announced a change to the above guidelines.  Young men now serve ages 18-26 and women ages 19 and up.

Now anyone who has Mormon Facebook friends/Twitter....people (what are Twitter people called???) likely saw this change as social networking sites EXPLODED with everyone getting all in a tizzy.

There were not any obviously negative remarks.  Lots of guys feeling like they will have no one to date (so you do admit you are going for the younger ones said bitter 20-something women everywhere!).  And many girls published their plans to bang down their bishops doors.

And I am sorry...shoot me...call me unrighteous...but I could NOT understand what all the fuss was about.  It seemed to me like everyone was making a big deal out of something relatively small.


But then I pondered.  I got off Facebook and focused on what the other speakers had said in regards to the announcement.

They were all grateful.  They thought it was monumental.

A scripture we often quote in our church is
But the word of the Lord was unto them precept upon precept,precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little,and there a little; that they might go
Isaiah 28:13

We believe that this scripture indicates that the Lord teaches us and requires things of us AS WE ARE READY.

This change does not mean that every girl is going to leave at 19.  It does not mean that guys will all leave at 18.  It means that it is now an option.
It means that young men and women will need to pray, counsel with parents and church leaders.  It means that they will need to consider life circumstances, educational plans and financial situations.
And they did this already to a point.
But now the question of when has entered more fully than before.

So I agree with apostles.  I am truly grateful for this change (though still hesitant about what it might mean from a social/family perspective).
Because do you know what it means?  It means that our youth are so strong that their Heavenly Father trusts them enough to give them more choices.  He trusts that they will make the right decision and go about making that decision in the proper way.

And that gives me a lot of confidence.....just saying.