(Dear High School French Teacher-please do not be disappointed in my poor use of this French word!)
In the words of Holly Golightly.."Quel night!"
I was scheduled to work 4 hours Thursday, but I ended up working 12. Then it was my weekend so...Friday and Saturday night-12s.
Friday night was disastrous (nursing shortage, a nurse ending up in the ED, patients falling--HOT MESS!). And so when I came in Saturday-I was bound a determined to have a better night. And it started out that way.
I was totally on time-even ahead of schedule! All 4 were nestled in their beds for a good long nap!
And then I got a transfer from another unit who had gone into a dangerous arrhythmia.
And suddenly 2 hours later I am crying at work for the first time ever.
And sadly it wasn't a good cry. It wasn't a "this patient touched me" cry or even a very justified "we lost this patient" cry.
It was a "this patient was such a jerk and so unbelievably rude to me" cry.
Now I was in an emotionally vulnerable place since this was my 3rd night and I was tired. And I am also in a sensitive place, since I am a new nurse and some nights feel like I am so far in over my head I can barely stay afloat.
And throw in a rude patient--HOT MESS!!!
Thank goodness an experienced nurse was right there when I walked out of the room, saw the look on my face and pulled me into the clean utility room before I lost it right there in the hall. Also luckily this is the only experienced nurse on my floor who I would feel comfortable with breaking down in front of. And likely the only one who would pull me into a hug and tell me it wasn't me, that he was just a jerk. That I can't let it get to me and some people no matter how nice you are, will never be happy.
I know this won't be the last patient who will upset me. And it certainly won't be the last time I cry either.
I love being a nurse and I love nursing. But gosh darn it sometimes I really hate my job.
Does that make sense?
So closing thought-to anyone who will ever be a patient in a hospital. Please know that we as nurses know you are terrified. We know that you are tired and uncertain and hurting. We know that a lot of things are out of your control and that is ever so frustrating. We understand that and completely feel you have a right to be frustrated.
BUT...that never gives you the right to be rude to a person who is bending over backwards to try and do EVERYTHING they can for you.
And that person?-no matter how rude you are, or how tired they are, will put his or her whole self (both physically and mentally) into saving your life if it comes to that.
We are doing our best and when bad things happen, sometimes they are no one's fault-they just happen.
So please please. Remember what your mother taught you-and be polite.
And as always-Be Happy and Be Healthy