Alright Peeps-SOAPBOX time!!!

A few days ago I was cranky with several boys in my life (what else is new??)

And so I decided to write a book.  About all the reasons I was cranky.

Then I realized how wrong I was.

Also that I likely could never write anything long enough or interesting enough to be a book.

(Disclaimer...this may not make much sense if you are not Mormon and don't know a lot of the cultural norms and stigmas attached....but I still think this post is worth a read so...you'll make it!)

As I explain I want you to picture sacrament meeting.  Its the first Sunday of the month.  You see a cute (insert gender here) walk in.  You notice and appreciate.  Then they get up and bear their testimony.  Afterwards you chat them up for a bit.  They make intelligent and insightful comments in Sunday School.  And after church you chat them up a bit more, getting to know them just a little bit more

And by the end of the 3 hour block..you have discovered a person who is

-talented in some way..music, sports, art....

-attractive

-socially competent

-intelligent

-spiritual

-successful in work/school etc.

and over the age of 25

And now I ask you a question.  What is the first thought that comes to your mind?

I would venture to guess that for many its 

"So why are they not married?" or "What's wrong with them?"

How many times have we caught ourselves doing this?  Myself included!!!!!

The past 3 guys I've gone on dates with (I exclude the 4th as an outlier) I have asked myself the question and even pinned down a reason!!!  (insert face palm/hand slap here)

We all know the reasons we give....

Momma's boys

Peter Pan complexes

Morality isssssues

Baggage...of all varieties...leading to walls.....

Too independent/intimidating/successful

Personal character flaws.......

BUT sometimes there is no reason right?  

How many times have you heard someone (aka a grandmother type) list off all the many excellent qualities of a single person and then say "I just don't know why they aren't married"

WE NEED TO STOP FINDING REASONS!!!!!

Not only for others but for ourselves!!!

Sometimes the reason is simple.

This person is not married because they are not married.

It is as simple and basic as that.


And sometimes the reason YOU are not married...is just because you are not!
I mean, have a few self reflective moments I guess.  BUT...once thats all done.  Give the thought that it may be situational and not personal a chance to marinate.


PS..Be Happy Be Healthy

Oxytocin-Or Why We Need Other People

Have you ever heard the research they have done on oxytocin??

Oxytocin is a hormone our body naturally releases that leads to feelings of contentment and comfort.

Studies have shown that touching stimulates the body to release this hormone.
Even just touching someones hand can trigger the release.
So just think what an actual hug could do????



Just a simple hug can do wonders.

A bit ago I was having a terrible day.  Like a really terrible horrible no good very bad day.
We were in serious Alexander mode.

Luckily I was able to see a dear friend.  Unluckily at this time this good friend was going through a loss, and was really in need of a hug.
So being a hugger, I pulled her in and held her for a bit.

But I still was so focused on myself.  Everyone around me was hounding me-and suddenly I had minor attack and pulled my hood over my face in a stressed/overwhelmed manner.

And suddenly this sweet friend-who was hurting herself-said "Oh Stephanie, it is ok!" and pulled me into a hug.  And as we left, she kept hugging me and even allowed me to lean on her as we walked.

It likely looked like I was either incapable of walking myself (either due to emotional distress or drunkenness).  And frankly it kind of felt like I couldn't!

But she was there for me.  (even though it should have been me there for her!)
And seriously-my day was suddenly better.
Such a simple almost nothing thing-and my day took a 180 degree turn.

And it was perfect.



So hug each other.  Cause its not like you can hug yourself!

Be Happy Be Healthy!

Confessions on a Saturday Afternoon

I have discovered
THE
unicorn.


(see this post for a definition)

(also please be assured that this whole post is SUPPOSED to be funny haha)


There have been unicorns I have known in the past.
But this man is THE unicorn!


I wish I could put up a picture-but that might get a little awkward (yikes!)


But seriously this man is a creature not from this world.

Tall, dark, handsome....and when he smiles...oh goodness I'm a puddle on the ground.


He caused a very composed and feet firmly on the ground girl to gawk and practically drool.

And seriously when he sat down next to me-I had to hold onto the seat I was in for fear I would fall off.

And then he was talking to me....and I had to remind myself to breathe!

And then ladies and gents, he touched my knee as he was saying goodbye and I thought for sure I would need someone with ACLS training.
Cause my heart looked like THIS


(ps...its NOT supposed to look like that!)


Get the defibrillator people we've got a Code Blue Cardiac Arrest.


Truly this man is a mystical creature, that I am pretty sure is not real......like for REALS!!!


Anyway...Be Happy Be Healthy....and I will sit here trying to slow my palpating heart ;)

Its Like a Bad Haircut!!!!

Ok...so you know when you cut your hair really short and you get "snipper's remorse" and then vow to grow it out???

But then....you struggle--cause that in-between awkward stage is just MISERABLE!!!!!

(alright so guys...you prolly have no idea what I am talking about...but really how many gentleman really read this blog anyway!!!)


But really-its a terrible time full of futile attempts with bobby pins and headbands and hats to disguise the hot mess that is your hair!


And I realized tonight that there is a similar situation to be found in the dating world.

Lets paint the picture yes????


Girl meets and develops crush on Boy.  Boy asks Girl out a couple of times (we will ASSUME Boy is some level of interested).  Girl decides "forget this crush crap" and gets into a serious like situation.

Boy suddenly appears much less interested than before.  Girl has no choice but to assume Boy is no longer interested.
But Girl still wants to be Boy's  friend. (and maybe that is where the problem truly lies...but can't we be mature adults about this??????)

BUT...we have a bad in-between stage that must be crossed first.

Because did I mention...Girl made it fairly obvious that she was interested???
Which-seeing as dating makes us all 14 years old and dumb-leads to.....AUEs!!!!!!!


So any attempts to be friends aka-ask for guy advice (esp guy advice about dating), hang out on a weekend when you aren't doing anything else, text randomly when bored, set ups with friends, lend a helping hand/shoulder to cry on, even teasing-just can't happen without it seeming like you are...pathetic/needy/obsessed.

Basically all the things a girl NEVER wants to be!

And so you have to wait it out.  Luckily-like a haircut it usually only takes a couple of...well weeks..maybe a little more.

Unfortunately, awkward in-between haircut relationships don't come with bobby pins and hats.

Just gotta hold on tight and wait out the storm.
Cause...if all goes well....you will have a great friend on the other end.


And so the "post-liking phase" will be here-after referred to as "awkward haircut"

Which is really not helpful to anyone....lets be honest.  But at least its funny!!!

Anyways...Be Happy Be Healthy peeps!

The Ward Menu--The Rules

Hope you all enjoyed Little Sister's post yesterday.
I know I had a lot of look in readers (Little Sister has lots of friends-Miss Popular!)

Hope some of you have stuck around.  We have fun around here in the Swilly World and we always love new friends.
Just make sure you follow

over there!



(please excuse bed-head hair and lack of makeup....its my day off and I am NOT getting ready if I don't have to!!!)





Yesterday Little Sister mentioned the Ward Menu.

Allow me to elaborate.

The Ward Menu---aka the Ward Directory---aka a list of people, their addresses and phone numbers (with pictures sometimes) who are in your local congregation.

Very helpful no??

Yes...but it also can present several pitfalls.


So I would like to present a few rules....or perhaps I should call them guidelines...cause rules are meant to be broken.

I simply present these as suggestions to assist as you attempt to avoid AUEs.

There are only three...and they all are kinda common sense.



1. Ladies DON'T use the directory phone numbers to call up/text guys unless it is for your calling.  Apparently this can be seen as creepy.  And though an alarming amount of guys seem to be saying they like forward (aka creepy) girls.  They are the minority and/or are lying.

2. Gentleman DON'T use the directory phone numbers to call up/text a girl unless it is for your calling. Not because it is weird.  But because you should put on your big boy pants and ask the girl for her darned number!!!!   (I do not at all feel strongly about this one).

You can break this one guys....but it you better have a good excuse.  Like you are a mute and can't ask girls for their numbers.  Or you were maimed the last time you saw her and now are in the hospital and she can't come visit unless you call her...with a number you got from the directory.

3. Don't mark up your paper copy with color coding, symbols or dog ears with your roommates.  Drawing hearts on your favorites, or putting different marks on each based on which roomie is interested/gets dibs, or worst of all color coding by hotness...just leads to bad things when the guys come over..and then ask to borrow your copy. Or worse...happen to see it sitting on the table and flip through your obviously worn copy



The Ward Directory can be an excellent tool.
If used appropriately.


OR inappropriately in complete secret ;)



BE HAPPY BE HEALTHY!!!!!

Degrees of Interest

My life is often riddled with people making jokes about setting me up with people (hazard of being single in your mid twenties).  However, lately things have gone to a whole new level.  It is not just the older marrieds wanting me to get set up....the single friends have joined in!

It has recently become apparent that I can not talk about a boy without getting the eyebrow wiggle.  And so for the benefit of all--The Degrees of Interest

Degree 0....Complete and Total Lack of Interest  EEEEEWWWWW gross!
You are not interested in being their friend.  And you are not interested in being their girlfriend.   For any number of reasons.  They are a weirdo.  They are a jerk.  They are just not someone you are even remotely interested in getting to know better.

Degree 1...Aesthetic Interest   You find them attractive.
The phrase "He's cute" or "He's yummy" or similar comments on someone's LOOKS is merely that.  A comment on their looks.  This indicates that you are not opposed to meeting them and getting to know them better...but you are also equally content to admire them from afar!  This is NOT romantic interest!  I have aesthetic interest in Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds.  Doesn't mean I want to date them (ok well...if the situation some how presented itself.......)

Degree 2....Friendly Interest  You find them nice.
This is simply means you...find them nice!  You would like to be their friend and get to know them better because they seem..wait for it...NICE.  Again NOT romantic interest!  Many of the people I have met lately fall into this category.  Bell Boy, New Bestie, even Tall and Lanky.  But just cause I would be interested in getting to know them better does not mean I am at the "Take me I'm yours" spot just yet!

Degree 2.5....No Romantic Interest  You find them delightful in the most platonic way.
This might be known to many as the friend zone (which, never fear, will be discussed further at a later date!)
aka....the majority of all opposite sex people in your life.


Degree 3...  Intrigued   Oh I would like to get to know them better!
Generally this means you find them moderately/adequately attractive and think they are nice.  you wouldn't mind a date or to spend some more time with them.  But if not...meh who cares. Friend, boyfriend, acquaintance-all acceptable outcomes in your mind. Still not romantic interest...simply interest.

This degree can be somewhat confusing to most people.  Both observers and those in the degree.  Key indicators that this is your level of interest include but are not limited to: asking around about someone, FB stalking them, attempting to casually run into them at social events you both "coincidentally" are attending...etc.


These first three can happen in a variety of orders and usually occur within the first 1-3 interactions with a person.  The remaining take a little bit of longer time!


Degree 4...Moderate Interest    Ok we need to go on a date.
This is degree 3 on 'roids.  You REALLY want to go out with this person and see where it might go.  This is romantic interest, however it is not even remotely a point of no return.  This romantic interest could end with whip-lashing speed....or might grow to something a little less volatile.

Degree 5...Full Blown Interest  Lets go on more dates
This is the point when someone continues to intrigue you and you want to continue getting to know them.
Again not a point of no return, but your interest is much more stable.


NOTICE this is still not in the dating/marriage realm!  This is still just GOING ON DATES (see HERE for further explanation of these realms!)


Degree 6....Beyond Interest   Alright I've gotten to know you enough....now I just like you.
THIS is when you really like someone and you want to get more serious.




Alright now that we have the definitions....may I be allowed to share a little bit of application for us???

The only degrees where meddling and/or intervening and/or facilitating without prompting are 3 and 4.  Other than that only assist if asked specifically by the subject.

(PS...subjects....use others sparingly...it is always better to do it yourself  sooooo much less drama!)

ALSO  others please do not confuse discussion of a guy (ANY GUY) with interest.  Just because they are brought up in casual conversation DOES NOT mean you are any more than 1 or 2 degrees with them!


Enjoy....share your thoughts below!


Be Happy Be Healthy!!

The 6 Point Couple

Alright ladies and germs.  Gather round-this is a public service announcement.

I would like to present to you...the 6 point couple.

This is a couple that must be touching at 6 points...at all times.

Examples of these 6 points include, but are not limited to:
elbows, shoulders, feet, heads, lips, hips, hands, knees, upper arms, thighs, or noses


These couples appear to be magnetic.
When they separate the always come back together in some similar configuration.


Now some might say it is cute and sweet that they always have to be touching.
But it can get dangerous.

I once knew a couple who maintained their 6 points while cooking.  That's not just impractical...its DANGEROUS!!!  There are hot liquids involved!!!!


Plus it can get super awkward for the people around.


NOW...let me talk to you about the PSA portion of this post.

Though I have see some 6 point couples survive-they had a bumpy road.
And I have seen even more 6 point couples crash and burn.

The unhealthy-ness of this co-dependence usually spells trouble.


Just a friendly warning :)

And enjoy this solution for those of us who are not a part of a 6 point couple.

;)

Be Happy Be Healthy!

Theory Thursday: Going on Dates vs Dating vs Courtship

So definitions are very important.  Inappropriate understandings of definitions is what leads to the majority of freaking out that occurs in the dating world. (or more accurately differing understandings of definitions creates DRAMA!)

Now many people have discussed the first distinction ad nauseum.

One can go on many dates and not be dating.  Dates are simply that...dates.  No commitment.  Just fun and good times and experiences.

Dating means commitment...titles etc.

When one wants or hopes or expects or assumes more...you get playlists consisting of Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift with a touch of Alanis Morissette, a close relationship with gentleman named Ben and Jerry, and a strange attachment to sweatpants.  In short....depression.

I think we can all agree that this is no bueno.



BUT here lies the thing you may not have thought about..... while dating might mean commitment, titles, couple-like activities, dating DOES NOT mean expectations.

What expectations???  Straight up ladies and gents--marriage and activities that precede and lead to  marriage.

I know this might shake some people's ideas.  But I believe (my opinion, not that I have to clarify) that you can DATE someone and not plan/expect to marry them.

HOWEVER, if you consider yourself on the "marriage path" you are courting.  This is the most grown-up of the relationships (ideally).  Courting takes time and practical logical thought (not to the point of over-thinking though may I warn!).  Courting involves serious conversations, meeting of special people (aka family and friends).  It involves serious consideration of this person as your eternal mate.  (though it does not require an end of marriage)

These three distinctions often occur in a pattern like fashion.
You can go from dates to dating to courtship.  Though you may start dating...you may soon step into courtship.  Some people go from dates to courtship, and though I don't suggest it, it happens.

Examples!

Chicken Boy and I courted.  We had all the plans in the world for getting married (LITERALLY...maybe the detail with which we had planned out the rest of our lives was the reason we didn't work...I digress!)

Boy Next Door and I dated.  I called him my boyfriend, we did couple-y things.  But in all truthfulness, I had our "break-up song" picked out three days into the relationship (don't judge me...I was lonely yes it was a poor choice!)  So yeah I had no expectations for our marriage.

Bubble Boy or Pretty Blue Eyes or Redhead Lover  and I went on dates.  Two each in fact haha.  Sometimes the expectations were different on each side..which led to the inevitable depression of one of the parties.  But there was no commitment.


NOW...why have I spent so long discussing this???
Here is your take home message.....
Be aware of your position and make sure that it matches what you want from the relationship.
And make sure your expectations match the relationship you are in.

Trust me people it will prevent LOTS of heartache.

Be Happy Be Healthy!

The Snuggle vs the Cuddle: A Theory

One of my favorite followers (aka Little Sister) and her roommates requested I pop this theory up...and since it is Theory Thursday..I thought I would oblige!!!!

(Side note: this is a slightly Mormon focused theory.  Though it is highly relevant in all situations and circumstances, it generally is not applicable in the non-Mormon realm of the world)

Many, if not most people use the terms snuggle and cuddle interchangeably.
But stop the presses ladies and gents: cause they are DIFFERENT.

Lets begin with definitions (from Dictionary.com):

Snuggle: to curl up closely or comfortably

Cuddle: to hold, hug tenderly

Now as we can see there is already a distinction.  Snuggling is casual and comfortable.  Cuddling has feelings and meaning.

Allow me to add another layer

Snuggle: to curl up closely or comfortably, with a close friend whom you care about, or a random stranger

Cuddle: to hold, hug tenderly, with someone you have committed feelings for

You see?  Its very simple.  

Cuddle=Commitment 

I shall provide some examples to further support this theory.

I had (well, have she isn't dead!) this friend who had (this one is had) an AMAHZING guy friend.  He was always there for her...really stellar.  Overtime while watching movies and hanging out at his place, they fell into a snuggling pattern.  Neither of them had anyone at the time, and they both appreciated his arm around her...esp at Halloween when they ran a scary movie marathon!  However, by the time Christmas rolled around, the activity began to change.  He was cuddling....wanting commitment of some sort (not dating or marriage or anything...just that they were more than friends or snuggle buddies).  But she was still snuggling.  And sadly enough.....she lost this friend.

So that is why it is so important to remember the difference!

If you want commitment...cuddle away!

If not....better stick to the snuggling.

Be Happy...Be Healthy!!!!!

Dating....its all About MATH

My time in life is a funny one.  Full of SWILLYNESS for sure!

My opinion of dating is that it is:
Generally frustrating and awkward
Often utterly RIDICULOUS
And almost always POSITIVELY HYSTERICAL!!!!

And therefore...Extremely fun to blog about!

I have recently discovered a few soul sister blogs (Kellie and Nicole/Brittney) that agree with me on this fact....
So I'm thinking I'll resurrect some old experiences and dust off some old theories...cause what else do I have to write about hahaha



One day I was flipping channels to watch reruns of my beloved Friends on some no-name syndication channel. I was devastated to find out that the times had changed and now that show with the mother on it was on instead.  I never watch the show but I just happened to catch THIS...

(Funny side note story...I found this picture by searching "graph mother tv")

After curiously listening to the explanation of this graph and then turning it off, (because I really only wanted to watch Friends), I began to think.

The same is true for guys a little bit.  

If THIS guy calls me every day and always ropes me into seemingly never ending conversations every Sunday after church....

I don't mind.

But if THIS guy does the same thing.

He is labelled as creepy and annoying.

More Attractive=Less likely to be creepy 

(as with everything...exceptions DO exist)

And I feel SUPER bad about this double standard.  But lets be honest ladies....its moderately true.

BUT....there is hope!!!!  Cause lets be honest.  Not all of us are Ryan Goslings....

Dustin (See HERE) suggested this equation...

1/(Attractiveness X Social Skills) = Perceived Creepability

So those of us who are not blessed with attractiveness need to brush up on our social skills!

I also think you could throw in "Recommending Qualities" to this equation.

Its all about math!   (hmmm do my terrible math skills correlate with my current single status haha)

I wonder what other theories I could put together with math hmmm

Perhaps more posts to come.

Cause dating....its all Swillyness...and that is what I am ALL ABOUT!


Be Happy...Be Healthy 

Horoscopes...Swilly or No??

So people..what are you theories on these things?

Real?
Bogus?
Relate-able?

I'm kinda in the camp of the last one.
They are for sure not real.  But I don't feel like they are 100% bogus all the time.

Like today mine says..... (I'm a Scorpio ps...)


Your romantic landscape can become foggy and fraught with traps of misunderstanding today. Do your best to be clear in all your communications with others, without necessarily being overly aggressive about it.You could even fall in love with something or someone if you let your guard down. It's probably safer to seek pleasure from the creative arts now than from relationships.
Not COMPLETELY off if you really think about it.  Not true or anything.
But not so off base that I shouldn't pay a little bit of attention.

Its decent advice right?  Things with Birdie Boy...and Mickey....and Fly Under the Radar.....are all kind of foggy.  And could very easily (with one in particular) be messed up if I don't communicate properly.  Aggression is never good in communication right?  Especially guy/girl "let's get together yeah yeah yeah" communication.

Plus how many other times have I found something creative to take over the romance part of my mind?

Think Grey's Anatomy..."I'm knitting a sweater"

And so I am going to take this horoscope as a "sign from the universe"

Destiny is what we make of the lives we are given so.......

Let's see what "serendipitatious" things come as I knit my life away :)

Be Happy...Be Healthy 

The Theory of Anticipation

First I wanna say a quick hi to any new visitors from
 Love is the Adventure.
I LOVE LOVE Miss Elizabeth...
so often she writes just what I'm thinking!


Now I realized yesterday
I haven't shared a theory with you guys in a while.
And I have one that has been simmering for a little while...
and after a Tuesday night chat with a great friend I discovered we were no longer rare...but in fact well done :)

So...lets talk about kissing.  hehehe

Close your eyes...think of the best kiss you ever had.
Now think about what happened before it.

How long had you waited?
Had you been waiting and anticipating its coming?
Not to the point of anxious "build up" but just a hopeful...yearning is the wrong word, but you catch my drift :)

Let me tell you a story.  Once (aka many times) there was a boy.  This boy was not really much to hold back the kisses...until he met a girl he liked.

If it was a girl he really liked he would make her wait.
(Now I do not approve of this particular method of mind-games, but I appreciate the result)

First date:
              "Of course he didn't kiss me..its a first date!"
Second date:
              "I want him to...but its still early"
Third date:
              "I hope he does! Oh well, he's just a slow mover"
Fourth date:
               "ok am I picking up the wrong signals here?"
Fifth date:
               "Is he ever gonna kiss me?"
Sixth date:
                "Oh my gosh! Is something wrong with me?"
Seventh date:
                "AHHHHH!!!  I'm HIDEOUS!!!"
(this step could go on for a bit)

"Final" date:  (this varies based on the situation)
                      a. "Oh heck I'll just kiss him myself!"
                      b. "If he doesn't this is our last date!...
                           OH well then!"
                      c. "FINALLY...oh WOW!"

Now aside from the crazy mind games.....this kid has a point

Source: Uploaded by user via Ruthann on Pinterest

Totally true.  That FINALLY is pretty great.

So gentleman...the key is anticipation.
Hold off.  Make us go a little crazy.
(key word is A LITTLE..not A LOT!)

And ladies...don't let them too soon.  Trust me you will thank me for you very own finally moment later ;)




So what do you think??
Am I high as a kite?
Or right as rain?

The Theory of the Unicorn

At the request of one of my adopted lil sisters.....
The definition of a unicorn.



So again one of my theories finds its origin with my dear sweet Beth!
The term was created for its original owners,
The Mysterious Redhead and the Blonde Who Moved in with the Plastics.

So what does it mean?  The unicorn is an illusive mythical creature.  This is a person of great attractiveness.  Someone who is "pretty" on the inside and the outside.  It is a person you could never date.  Not because they wouldn't like you...but for the simple reason that you don't run in the same circles.  You don't have the same group of friends...in fact you consider them more an acquaintance than a friend.
But you like them very much.
Another aspect of this definition is that most girls (or guys I suppose) would agree that this is someone they want to date.

Now this was originally created in a YSA Ward in UT.  So the group was large and it was easier to be in a different group.

However, since then I have moved to a smaller YSA Branch.  And the idea that someone isn't really in your circle is much less likely.
This means in my current situation, my definition is slightly altered.

In this branch....the unicorn is the one everyone wants.  Everyone wants to date her/him.

In my current situation...a certain girl...who we shall call Quirky Girl...was unanimously named the branch unicorn.
However, Batman has won her heart.  And she is become less and less of a unicorn.  Honestly, I don't believe that she will ever lose her title completely, but there is someone who has a shot at taking her spot.


Dear Jane
Yes...this is you!
You are so moving up the charts!!!!!!
Know why?....look in the mirror my dear ;)
Love
Lizzy

"Everyone wants to take you picture, everyone wants to be your best friend!"
Cause you are the...wait for it.....

UNICORN

A Single Rose

And through it....an explanation of the Theory of the Rocket Ship.

I have alluded to this before.  But here is the WHOLE sch-peel

Its a simple principle of physics or whatever.
You put a whole lot of rocket fuel in a rocket and make it burn crazy fast...you are gonna get some SERIOUS lift off.  Like MAJORLY
But guess what.  Eventually...its gonna burn out.  And then you will stall.  Leading to eventual crash and burn.




You guys have all heard me moan and groan about Farm Boy
(I do apologize for my whiny-ness regarding this matter)
But I am going to bring it up again.  As a perfect example.

We (according to an outside observer) had crazy sparks going from the FIRST moment we met.  I really like him right from the beginning.  He was really attracted to me from the very beginning.  And so it EXPLODED. We took off...and eventually ran out of fuel.
It was fast and furious.  Practically over before it started.
I crashed and burned....NO FUN!!!

Dear Gentleman Callers everywhere
If you would like to woo me.  You are going to have to take it slow!!!  Like GLACIERLY slow.  I've crashed and burned.  And it has hurt.  So I am not keen to going super fast.
Don't call every day.  Don't be pushy.  Don't be too much too fast.
K???

I feel like I am on the Bachelor....

Stephanie will you accept this rose?

UMMM.....No???  yeah...no...sorry

The Theory of the Dinosaur

So yesterday I mentioned that I was told I am intimidating, until you get to know me.  But ummm...how are you going to get to know me if you are scared of me.  This is vicious circle...that I don't see the end of.

My first thought is..well then... I'll be less intimidating.
But I don't know how to be less intimidating.  I don't even try to be.

(I'm just smart, beautiful, accomplished, delightful and magnificent all on accident  HAHA YEAH RIGHT!)

And that's just the thing.  I try to befriend everyone and I try to appear like an open, accepting and kind person...and I really don't exhibit any of the above mentioned qualities.
So then why am I intimidating?

I am reminded me of a conversation I once had with my old roommate Beth
(ps love and miss you my dear!)

We were discussing how Library Boy seemed to be incapable of finding his big boy pants...and then putting those big boy pants on

I knew Library Boy pretty well....and kinda got the impression that he was nervous....scared...afraid.  Beth, of course, like all girls in this situation, couldn't understand.

Why on earth would a guy be scared of me.....
"I'm like the Barney of dating!"

 

But my dear Beth and all other girls out there....
"You are still a dinosaur!"
(PS...please stop for a moment and be impressed that I pulled that metaphor out without hardly thinking..yes I am a metaphorical beast!)

You may be friendly and purple....
but you have teeth...and are alarmingly large

You may not feel you are intimidating.
That you are just a regular girl.
But you are still a girl.
And this comes with an innate intimidating-ness.

But here is the thing....it appears I am intimidating above and beyond the normal level of female intimidating-ness.  The average girl is at a 5...and I seem to be a 10.  Plus...girls are intimidated too!  Not just guys!
Whats up with that???

IM BARNEY FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!

Not cool.  I don't want to be intimidating.  Or unapproachable.  But I also don't want to change to somehow become more accessible.  And to be completely honest...I'm not sure what I would change.

This is a pickle.....that I can't seem to eat....so I blog instead....maybe someone will comment and enlighten me.....

The Theory of the Fringe

By popular demand....I am going to all tell you all about my most universally correct theory.  Some of my others have flaws and exceptions.  But this one....IRON CLAD!

So FIRST let me define FRINGE

Fringe is your acceptance/rejection of things that are sketchy/ not completely in line with the standards of the Church
(ps...this is ambiguous if you are not Mormon...so please feel free to ask if you want more explanation...I LOVE to answer questions)

FOR EXAMPLE:
Lots of fringe:
watches R-Rated movies and doesn't have a big problem with it
Medium fringe:
doesn't watch them...but also doesn't care if others do
No Fringe:
doesn't watch them...and is very upset by others watching them

Lots of fringe:
"Sabbath Day?  Its just like any other day"
Medium fringe:
"Disney movies are ok...and the Super Bowl"
No Fringe:
"Scriptures and church movies are for me"

And of course it is a continuum from fringe saturation to complete lack of fringe.

Fringe levels are based on individual beliefs and values and every person has a different level of subscription to various items.  You might have a very un-fringey view on the Word of Wisdom, but you have a more fringey view of modesty.

In general...some people are simply more fringey than others.
(In my opinion, either extreme is usually not optimal.  But its not my place to judge.)

ANYWAYS....so you are wondering what this has to do with boys.  Because lets be honest, all my theories have to do with boys and dating.  And honestly the dating application is the practical aspect of this theory.


You need to date someone with the same amount AND type of fringe as you. 
(relates slightly to the Theory of the Flares)
And when I say date...I mean court.  (see future post for that explanation haha)

If you have lots of fringe--you want to try and find someone with a lot as well....and the opposite is also true.
Most people fall somewhere in the middle of the continuum.  This means you need to find someone who has similar individual fringe levels as you.
EXAMPLE: you both care a lot about boys serving missions, but both are flexible when it comes to dating before you are 16.

Think about the practicality of it.  If you are married which level of fringe is the family going to go with?  What if your kids want to go to a friends birthday party on a Sunday....and you and your spouse have different fringe levels about Sabbath Day observance.  PROBLEM!!!!!!!

Now I am not saying that conversations and compromises in the engagement and early marriage periods won't assist in preventing these issues.  But you can only realistically compromise when you are just a little off.  If you are WAY far apart on something...it's gonna be a lot of work.

Plus....people who have different values and beliefs than you are going to eventually drive you crazy.  Yeah you may like them as a friend...even a good friend.  But remember.  You have to live with this person...FOR ETERNITY...which is a mighty long time if they drive you kinda crazy!

So there you have it...the theory of the fringe :)

So now the question is...how much fringe do I have??

here's a hint ;)




I mean not really...but kinda ;)

The Theory of the Flares

Several years ago I was sitting in Mission Prep with Bro Bott
(A legend at BYU....seriously its more like LIFE prep than Mission Prep...AWESOME!!)

This particular day he was talking about relationships and missions....before, during, and after.
Of course we could go into each...but lets just talk about the one that matters to all the people reading this.  AFTER!!!!  So basically normal relationships that have the possibility of progressing in a normal fashion.

Ever heard of the idea that opposites attract?  Well I would like to debunk that right here, right now. 
Picture it....you are a bookworm who loves to sit in a dark basement playing video games.  Are you attracted to a person who loves to hike and kayak and do other outdoorsy things??  Not really......you would have nothing in common. 

So like attracts like.  Do you know why this is?
Because every person sends out flares...
every day as you walk around campus...work...even the grocery store

(please excuse the Mormon jargon that is about to follow)

You read your scriptures...you send out a "I read my scriptures" flare
You go to church....you send out a  "I go to church" flare.
Prayer flares...treat people kindly flares...pay tithing flares...I have a temple recommend flares...you get the picture.
And its not just habits that fly from your overall hot ball of gas.  Things you like....things you are interested in....views....values...beliefs.  They all come together to shape the "first impression".

So what is the point of these flares you may ask.  Well-you attract people with them. 
You really can tell a lot about a person by their "aura" ....so to speak. 

Haven't you ever had one of those moments when you start up a conversation with someone and realize you are crazy alike?  That is because you subconsciously saw their flares...and they saw yours...and a conversation began. 


So here is the take home message.  You want to attract someone great.  You better send out great flares. 

Basically make yourself great....and you will do just fine. 

(Another disclaimer.....just because you are sending out great flares doesn't mean you will automatically get someone great.  There is timing involved too....this is not an all encompassing theory)


AND....ps.....shout out to Andrew....this theory sounds strangely like one of your "Philosophies of Relationships"  You really should agree to guest blog!!!!  My followers would love to hear from you.  Can't you hear them shouting??  ANDREW ANDREW ANDREW!!!!!   hehe...I'll persuade you sooner or later ;)

Debunking a Theory

Ever heard the Theory of the Champion?

In a tournament they say it is best to lose to the one who is going to win it all.  Of course you were going to lose!  You were playing the one who could beat everyone else!

So that is supposed to make us feel better about losing???

I'm what a former friend liked to call a "Good Luck Chuck"
Meaning...I am a good luck charm for any guy to find his special someone.  Date me for just a week even...and the next girl will be your wife.

Seriously.  I'm good.  I should charge for this.

I should be proud.  I help guys figure out what they want.  Get their heads screwed on straight.  Help prepare them for eternity.  Lofty eh?
You're welcome girls.......


But you know what this is implying.  That I am NOT what they want.  That their heads were sooooo crooked they chose to date me.........

I'm not mad.....just a little miffed.  Ya know?
Some people go with the idea that all those guys weren't ready and couldn't handle the commitment.  But I don't think its that.  Cause they were quite quick to jump into their engagements (1 and 2 months my friends). So its me.......

And so I stand...slightly miffed...in FULL opposition of the Champion Theory.  Cause it isn't that great to lose to the winner of the whole tournament.

A NEW THEORY!!!!!!!!!

Ok so you all know how much I love theories.  And how I have lots.
This morning I just was introduced to a new one......
The LADDER THEORY

Check it out with my lovely Elise............http://eliseypants.blogspot.com/2011/12/dear-boys-ladder-theory.html

So here we go....variation on a theme......Dear Boys.....Ladder Theory
(although I have to say....its kinda null and void....see Dear Boys Everywhere entry)
.....Hold on Tight...this one could get brutal!

Dear Farm Boy
I was not mad before...I was sad.  Bummed  NOW I"M MAD!!!!!!!!  PEEVED IN FACT!!!!!!!
What is your major malfunction???  Next time you want to cut things off...use your words k?????
You strung me along for weeks.  And now you don't even have the ...eh hmmm...to tell me to my face that you are done with me.  MADDENING!
Love
Buttercup No More


Dear Mister Know-it-All
AGAIN I was stupid.  I blame myself.  You continue to be mean.  And I continued to put myself in a position to be wounded.  My bad.  I'm really done this time.  REALLY.  I know I have said it before..and this time I mean it!  I'm taking responsibility.  You stay.....I'll go......
Love
Never AGAIN


Dear Blind Boys
You are all on drugs.  I am not who you think you see.  Right now?  Sitting in pants I have owned since the 5th grade..and my brother's old ratty sweatshirt with the hood up.  Also haven't showered today...and didn't take my makeup off from yesterday so its kinda smudgy.  ICKY LOOKING.......
Love
Not-Attractive Girl


Dear Hoops
You intrigue me....and impress me even more.  Lets be friends.  You need one...I need one.
Love
Purely Platonic Please


Dear Texas
Nice to have you back.  You were kinda pathetically frustrating before.  I mean if that guy needs to come back in the future, I'll be there for you cause you are my friend...and I care about you...but I'll be waiting the whole time for my Texas to come back.
Love
Cougar Girl


Dear Unobservant
I wore that necklace on our date.  Way to pay attention Loser FACE!  haha  I guess I'll give you a pass cause you are a guy.
Love
Jewelry Lover


Dear CK
I'm still not totally sure if I know where you stand....still.  But I guess it really doesn't matter.  We will give it time.
Love
Suzy


Dear AP
My sisters say you keep looking.  You prolly aren't.  And you are TOTALLY not available...yet.  But this fact is not going to stop me from attempting to impress.  I'm bored....I need something to do.
Love
Seriously...I'm a Sinner!


Dear Boy Next Door
Its very weird that you are trying to be my friend again.  You always read me really well.  Have you seen in my eyes how much I needed friendship......especially yours??  I can't have it like I used to.  But I guess we can see where things go
Love
Cautious Friend


Dear Boys Everywhere
NEVER AGAIN!
I'm DONE.  TOTALLY DONE.  I know I say that a lot.  but this time I mean it more than ever.  Celibate...Vegetarian.....NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER again.  So far..you all cheat...you all lie....you all act like jerks.  So...Bye Bye!
Love
Me

The Theory of the Hug

So ready for this?

Hugs have 5 levels....

Level 1---"The Guy Hug"
              This occurs between guys only.  Clasped hands are in the middle to limit touching.  And backs are merely patted.


Level 2--- "The Side Hug"
              You do not want this one at the end of a date!  Ouch!!!  This is a clear signal of NO ROMANTIC             feelings!  However this is also a perfectly acceptable hug for when it would be weird to give someone a full on hug.

Level 2.5--- "The Even Hug"
                  This hug is usually the one you give relatives and the person you just met, but you feel comfortable enough breaking the touch barrier.  Someone goes over and someone goes under...but you are both pretty much in the shoulder region.  So you are very evenly matched.

Level 3--- "The Cross Arms Hug"
              This hug involves each person reaching over one shoulder and under one arm...creating an X like formation.  This one can lead to awkward "ummm where are we putting our hands" moments.  But they can work out ok.  These hugs usually mean friendship.  Generally new, trying to get to know each other better....

Level 4--- "Comfort Hug"
               This hug involves the gentleman going over (shoulders or mid arm) and the girl going under (waist or chest).  This indicates high comfort and good friendship....or it means you have been together for FOREVER!  This hug is most comforting for a girl in distress.  It is very protecting.  This is likely my favorite hug.


Level 5--- "Optimal Hug"
               This hug means the girl goes over (shoulders or neck) and the guy goes under (waist).  This is obviously optimal because it can lend itself very well to a nice little kiss ;)  This is a commitment hug.  Also warning guys.  This leaves the girl very vulnerable....so be careful. And don't be offended if she isn't super excited to initiate such a step.

 Your life has now been transformed.  Now go forth and HUG!!!!