I don't know what to title this post.

My previous post for today is going to get put on hold.

Because today I found out some very sad news.
Below is a post I wrote back in February about the sweet daughter of a dear friend of mine.

She had been doing well at the time.  Finishing the first major round of treatments and waiting for the next step.

Friday she suffered a major setback and it is medically clear that she will not be with us much longer.

So many thoughts are swirling in my mind.



I'm ashamed to admit there are thoughts of anger.

She had to be one of the 4 in 1 million?

This is a beautiful righteous wonderful family.
Its not fair.  Its not fair at all.  How could this happen

They have prayed so hard.  They have fought so hard.
So much prayer and fasting.  So many times have names been put on the alters of the temple
She is so young and so precious.


But at the same time thoughts of gratitude can't be pushed aside.

I'm grateful for my knowledge that children, under the age of eight are saved.  They have that magical golden ticket to pass by the sentinels that stand watch at the gates of heaven.

I'm grateful to know that families are eternal, and that regardless of what may happen, The Graves family will be able to be with their little Anni again.

I'm grateful to know that soon this sweet 3 year old will be free of the pain and fear that has plagued her life these last many months.



Then my thoughts turn to prayer.

Prayers that her parents will be comforted in their grief.  That their faith will be strengthened and their heavy hearts lifted.

Prayers that her siblings will be able to cope and find solace in a world that doesn't make sense even if you are an adult.

Prayers for grandparents who have put their heart and souls into anchoring and supporting this family. Prayer that they will feel strong and be able to grieve and support-a dual task that is not an easy one.

Prayers for the friends and neighbors who have helped...prayer that they will continue to flood this family with love and assistance.

Prayers for the medical team caring for this sweet girl and her family.  That they will make all the best decisions and give the highest level of care.  And that they will be comforted in their sorrow...we may see it a lot, but we are not immune.

One of the most powerful lessons I remember from Rebekah (Anni's mother) when I was a teenager was on prayer.  With great emotion she told us of times when she prayed and her prayers were answered.
Never did I imagine that this lesson would become so powerful as I tried (feebly) to help in some small way.


All we ever can do sometimes is pray.

And so that is what I will do.


Graves family you are in my thoughts...you are in my prayers.

REPOST from Feb 2014:Things You Should Know About Tuesdays: Neuroblastoma Kids

Ever since I started working in pediatrics, there has been a story I have wanted to tell.

In the Summer of 2013, I received an email from a dear friend, an old youth leader who I loved very much.

The email told me of the sad news that her daughter Annika had been diagnosed with a stage 3 neuroblastoma.

The news saddened me greatly, knowing what little I did about cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Several months later I began to take care of other children with the same condition.
And now its gonna be pretty hard for me to be quiet about it.

"Awareness brings compassion and compassion brings action"

And we need all three.

Imagine being 2-3 years old (most occur in children under the age of 2).  Having a condition only 4 per million children have.  A condition that causes tumors to grow along the nervous system outside of the brain.

Picture having test after test run, in dark and scary rooms with loud and frightening machines.

It seems that every grown-up you see want to hurt you with a needle to get blood.

Then you sit in a big chair in front of a big desk, while your mom and dad cry.

And then suddenly more hospital visits.  You start to recognize that you are driving to a place that scares you and you begin to cry even before you arrive.

And suddenly there is a weird thing on your chest. But they seem to be able to get blood out of it so no more horrible pokes.

And then then the nurses start giving you "medicine" to make you "feel better".

But you don't feel better.  You feel tired and sick to your stomach.

You hurt and you don't know why  

You have to wear a mask everywhere you go and you can't do the things you used to be able to do.

You feel like you never get to be at home anymore.

You can't sleep through the night anymore, because either you wake up sick or someone wakes you up to "get blood", or "take vitals" whatever that means. 

Its not all bad I suppose,  You get ANY food you like cause all the grown ups seem to be very worried about how much you eat.  You get to watch lots of tv.  You get to meet famous people and have lots of grownups tell you how cute you are.  You get to see clowns and dogs, make music and be the nurse's helper.

Now I don't tell you this story for pity.  I don't even tell you this story to get money or support for a cure from you (although I have included a link below for more information and how to get involved.)

I tell you this story to open your eyes.

In my line of work I have realized how blessed every parent of a healthy child is.

And so this is all I ask.

Be grateful for your health and the health of those around you.

And please pray for those who are not.

Annika-so glad your journey is going forward...so glad you are coming home for a while.

All my love and prayers are coming atcha....don't try to dodge em cause we all could use a few extras!

I hope to continue to talk about neuroblastomas, and Annika's story as time goes on. 

http://www.cncfhope.org/

The list of foundations is endless.  I have done a SMALL amount of research and have found this foundation to be wonderful in there information and efforts for research.

I encourage you to do your own research of course before getting involved with ANY charity.

http://annikasepicjourney.com/about-me/

This is a blog begun by Annika's mother if you wish to follow her journey.

Love Notes to The Boys

Two of my favorite bloggers....
Elise and Mara

Mara does love announcements
And Elise does dear boys.

usually my dear boys have been passive aggressive rants about boys in my life or in the lives of my friends that have been driving me BANANAS.

But...not really happy/sunny/positive.
All three things I'm trying to have more of in my life.

So lets combine the two and have....Love Notes to The Boys




dear volleyball friend

you always made me feel special and wanted. not many people were glad i was there.  not only were you...but you told me too. thanks for rising above the culture. 

love

spectator


dear supporter

i know it probably didn't mean much to you but it meant lots to me.  thank you for your kindness, your understanding and your support. 

love
girl trying to make a change

dear bell boy

you are always around and i so appreciate it.  you always know just when to text or call. 

totally out of the blue!  how do you do that?? here's hopin I can be half the friend you are
love
girl in need

dear hott latino

where do i even begin!!!????!!!!  you are the ultimate blessing in my life lately!!!
also ps...praying every day and night that i'm a good matchmaker ;)
love
dear dear friend

dear old bald guy

thanks for not trying to change my mind. i know you probably wanted to.  thanks for being a card carrying member of my fan club

love
won't be a stranger

dear king of the tie-dye people

thanks for creating a culture where we could be ourselves and flourish. also thanks for being a good friend full of great advice.

love
former tie-dye girl 

dear methadone
thanks for being around.  you bridged me well when i really needed it.
even though its time for me to step back....know i will always hope and pray that you get back to where i know you can be.  you are an incredible guy.  be incredible!
love
former addict

dear tie-dye boys

you will forever and always be the bench mark for what guys in my life should be like. thanks for memories that still bring a much needed smile.
love
lets be honest.. ALWAYS tie-dye girl

dear lomlabffe

i'm here. not going anywhere.  just let me know when you're ready. when you want to talk...cry...yell..or just sit in total silence.  i'm here for you.  you have always been there for me.  i hope you'll let me help you back.
love
me




tributes to
Mara and her Love Announcements  http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/
Elise and her Dear Boys  http://www.elisespiecesblog.com/

Light in the Darkness

The world is full of darkness.  There is so much out there that can swallow us up.

War, famine, disease.  Anger, fear, depression.  Addiction, hurt, pain.

It can be consuming.  Its the easy thing to just give into the darkness.


Finding the light is the hard thing.  It takes work.

And even more it takes bravery.



Light can dispel the darkness.  Light pushes away the pain and the hurt.

Light can mend the broken heart.
Light can lift the wounded spirit.


Let the light in.