OK so seriously....ADELE IS ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED SINGERS I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!!!
Very few artists can sound just as good..if not better...live then recorded.
And then beyond the actual singing come the songs. Seriously the lyrics this girl has are like PERFECT. She sings what we are all feeling.
Funny thing...I was introduced to this album by someone who I want to sing at least 50% of the songs to..and pretty mush every guy since!
Sisters seriously...this girl is singing for us!!!
Nope...not gonna let you close enough to hurt me!
Don't you remember promising not to hurt me?
I gave it all.....and you took it and my love. I guess I let you down and I guess it wasn't enough. So please don't look back at this crumbling fool. Just keep on walking down the road that way...and I'll go this way.
Somethings just don't go well together....like fire and rain. It never would really have worked out.
Rumors are always a flyin' Don't think I didn't know what you were doing behind my back.
Alright...here we go. Seriously. This is the song. Sometimes songs sort of fit. This one totally fits.......
(gotta do the studio version of this one...its just more powerful that way)
Alright ladies....last but not least. You're gonna wish you never had met me! We almost had it all...you had my heart in your hand. But you played it.....and someday you are gonna get back the karma you have earned.
Just gotta say,....glee covers adele pretty well too...
It has a little bit of extra somethin somethin when you have the two parts going right??
I'm gonna tell you a little story. Its about me and a guy (duh..what else do I talk about?)
I really liked this guy. And I really thought he liked me. But then he disappeared. Quite literally into thin air. And it messed me up a little bit...I won't lie.
People often forget about me like that. So you would think I would be used to it or something. But nope....not this time. this time I was crushed.
I hoped beyond all hopes that I would see him sometime. That we would run into each other on accident. I made sure I always looked nice....just in case. But it was all for nothing.
He had forgotten about me. Forgotten what we had.
But the problem was....I didn't. I remembered everything. And my heart was just a little bit broken. And it stayed broken...for longer than really was likely acceptable for the situation.
So why am I talking about this now. Who the heck knows. I guess it is just on my mind. Forgetting I mean.
I'm trying to decide if it is a virtue or a vice...this remembering. Obviously in this case...it was real to me. So its good that I can't forget about it. But then again. I can't let go. The fish is dead...not even flopping on the table anymore. Its dead...dead dead dead. (know....nasty image) But I still sit there staring at it. I should just flush it down the toilet right? (ok seriously this metaphor is not only not particularly elegant...but also not very illustrative. But I only have so long of a study break..so it will have to do.)
Anyway. I can't forget. I wish I was more like the people who can. They are living their happy hum-drum lives in perfect ignorant bliss...and here I am lying awake at night...having trouble focusing.
So lets switch please....you need to not forget
And I need to.....
ok....so don't judge me....but this song really says it pretty well. And yes it is Demi Lovato....and yes I am 23 years old...but deal with it. I have to keep up with the young things....so I can relate to my patients....
And I was inspired. Like literally. This is no joke. (Its hard to tell if people are joking when they are writing...cause you miss out on tone and facial expression...but I am as serious about this as a heart attack.)
I've always loved the serenity prayer...I've even posted it on this blog before.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Such a powerful statement. It involves taking personal responsibility. And that was what most impressed me about this meeting...and the people who attended. We began by going around the room, introducing ourselves. Everyone knows the pattern..."Hi I'm (insert name here) and I'm an alcoholic (or in my case a visitor)" But the thing about it is....by identifying themselves in that way, they are taking that responsibility. They admit that things aren't quite right in their lives and they are there to fix that.
(also ps..AA people are really cool...I introduced myself as a visitor and got the most sincere welcome I have ever received like anywhere!)
Then we got to hear a main speaker tell his story, and then everyone else was able to comment. This was really interesting. And despite the fact that they were talking about their problems with alcohol..and I do not have a problem with alcohol (well actually that is a lie...I have a problem with joking about alcohol too much) I still felt like I could gain something from their experiences.
One person talked about the importance of action. That you can have a desire...but until you make it happen...nothing is going to happen. If you want to change...just going to meetings isn't going to work...you have to work the program.
Another person talked about the wonderful things that come when you are living life right. They talk about being rocketed into the fourth dimension. Which lets be honest kinda sounds like hippie crap. But really....when you overcome the natural struggles and weaknesses we all have you only get stronger....and your efforts are always rewarded
At the end of every meeting they give away coins to celebrate sobriety. Everyone's accomplishments were celebrated. And after all were handed out...the presenter said the most interesting thing. "We all have today" And as I was searching around afterwards...I found the second half of the serenity prayer........
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Pretty nice sentiment eh?
It could be very easy to go to a meeting like this one and sit there thinking...why on earth did these people allow things to get as bad as they did. Why did they take that first drink. But lets be honest. That is in the past. Its over...it can't be changed.
In the present..today...these people are some of the most impressive people I have ever met. They are doing everything they can to have the best life that they can. They want to get clean...they want to be sober. And they are going to do it. They stumble sometimes....but they pick themselves back up and start over.
I was moved. I know it sounds cheesy. But I was. My eyes got watery at moments when I heard them talk about their strength (in the most humble of ways).
I don't have problems that are nearly as difficult to overcome as alcoholism. And yet these people are having more success in it than I think I could ever dream of.
But all I have is today. Today to be better. Today to get stronger. Today to overcome.......
Today was my last day. The last day of that awful smelling lotion...and the even more awful smelling hand sanitizer.
No more patients who are in comas, or can't talk to you because they have a trach. No more patients on 5 different IV antibiotics and 14 other medications. No more patients with CRAZY wounds. No more ghetto IV pumps.
No more crazy instructors who don't really like you and are often downright mean. No more paperwork that takes HOURS
I fondly call the place I have been having my clinicals at the Dead Zone. Because like 30 people die there every month. There was one time we had 3 in a 24 hour period. You walked in there and you just could feel the death. Plus I always came home feeling like I smelled and was covered in drug-resistant bacteria! I literally would go straight to the bathroom...shed and shower....keeping my scrubs inside out so that they would not contaminate my other clothes in the dirty laundry basket.
But there were some benefits to this experience. I really got an idea of what nursing is kind of like. It was total immersion...trial by fire. And I have learned a lot. I have a skill set I didn't even know I could have at the beginning of this semester.
This hospital also has things that I will likely never see again in my training..and likely not even in my practice. Mostly wounds. Seriously I saw some pretty nasty and crazy wounds.
I also got to work with some really great nurses...some not so great ones too...but that is how real life is.
I worked with equipment that wasn't always high tech....and got really to really appreciate electronic charting (paper charting just sucks!!!)
But some of my favorite experiences were with my patients. Of course....its me we are talking about. I went into nursing for the patients. One week my patient flirted mercilessly with me. He was 50-something and married. But it was very sweet. Another week I had a patient who couldn't talk (he was trached) but would grab my hand and mouth things as I worked with him. Then there was the week I had a patient who had a very flat affect, but once I got him talking, he completely changed, animatedly telling me all about his dogs, and his business and his life. Then there was my cranky patient. LIKE SERIOUSLY CRANKY!!!!! That was an adjustment!
And then today. My patient couldn't talk again. But when your patient grabs your hand and gives you a look...they are talking loud and clear! I would have to say the "thank you" look and the "oh please help me" looks are the ones that tug at my heart strings most. Obviously I like the thank you one the best. But they both remind me why I am becoming a nurse.
The patients are what help me get through the hard tests..the crazy workload....the obnoxious instructors.....the insane schedule.
Well we have a special Dear Boys Christmas Love Song Linky party happening up in this blogsphere..
So Dear Boy Who I Haven't Danced With in a While...But I Would Still Like to ;)........this song is for you..........(ick...cheesy...GROSS!)
Dear Broken
I saw someone new today. I thought it was your brother and I about had a herd of cattle. Then I discovered I was wrong. And I was bummed. This is no good....shutting the door.....reluctantly...
Love
Pathetic
Dear W.
Interesting. I am treading cautiously. I'm worried about roadside bombs in my path.
Love
Nervous
Dear CK
Ummmmmmmm....yeah thats all I have to say. I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm not sure its gonna happen hun. Sorry......its just too hard.
Love
MS
Dear N of the N
OH MY GOSH!!!!! I am unsure of how to feel. Good GRIEF!!!!!
Love
Freaking OUT
Dear Late Night Phone Call
I can't be your punching bag any more. Find someone else.
Love
FED UP
Dear Mr Pie and Steak
SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Are you listening? You are being stupid. But whatever. Just don't come crawling to me when she breaks your heart......
Love
Mama Steph
Dear Enigma
Way to drop off the face of the earth. I know you like her a lot...but does that mean you totally dump me? I really needed to go on a walk with you. The Jane Austen house is EXACTLY what I need. And you aren't there. :(
Love
Me
Dear New Friend
Thank you....like seriously..thank you. I really am glad we are friends. And that you care. Your hug today was SOOOOO what I needed. You are so genuine and I really appreciate that. Thanks for being awesome. and smelling good....just saying haha
Love
Comforted
Dear Mr Know It All
I might have forgiven. But don't think I have forgotten. Our relationship...over....and you're are never gonna get it back.
Love
.....well you know what you called me
Dear Its All Your Fault
GUESS WHAT????
It is. I never really thought about it. But if it hadn't been for our combined stupidity, I would not be in the place I am in now. Hung-up...stressing... Your Thursday lead to Friday.... NO GOOD my friend...no good.
Love
Its Complicated
Dear Studious One
You are my type. Sort of. You are the reason I am considering going back to Provo. In the infamous words of Bro Parker....."Whatya think about that hmmmmmmm?"
Love
A Cougar...through and through
Dear Missionary Boy
I could not be happier for you!!!!!! Lets be honest...I liked you...we both knew it. But you are sooooo much better off with her! And anyway...that would just be too weird for us.... YUCK!
I LOVE YOU BOTH!!! Congrats!!!!
Love
The Happiest Friend EVER
Dear Pretty Blue Eyes and Poo-Poo Head
I miss you. I miss you a lot. Like A LOT A LOT
wait for me??????
Love
Your snuggle buddy
Dear Dusty-bottoms, Big Brother, CCP, Hometeacher, Taylor Swift boy, Dentist, Gangsta, Farm-boy, Country dancing boy.........
YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST!!!!!!! I MISS YOU! I miss the fact that you lacked drama. I mean there were some moments. But comparatively? Soooo So much less!
Love
Phanie :)
And just to mix things up...
Dear Taking One For the Team
THANK YOU!!! I mean I am sorry you are stuck with that jerk for eternity. But THANK YOU for getting another player off the market. Now he can only break your heart and he will leave the rest of us alone. Good luck with that!
Love
Former Mrs Chicken
Dear Stink Face
Again I wish to thank you too. Maybe its premature. But thank goodness! Another serial dater taken! WONDERFUL!!!
Love
The Girl Who Knocked Some Sense Into Him
So my cousin linked this video on Facebook. And I found it very very very interesting...and insightful.
So want my ideas on the subject? Well...let me tell you!
So can guys and girls be friends. yes and no. But mostly no.
There is always an underlying tension between guys and girls. Every interaction between single guys and single girls has a little flirtation.
But this doesn't stop guys and girls from being friends.
However, when guys and girls become good friends...the wheels often come off the wagon.
One or the other always wants more.
Of course this video was I'm sure edited to create the most advantageous display. The guys all think its not possible...the girls all think it is.
But I also think there is some truth to it.
Think about your good guy friends....or good girl friends.
Have you ever thought about dating them. Ever wondered what it might be like. Come on...be honest. You all have a "what if" friend. Or more than one.
And then there is also the honest to goodness crush. But you never would ever say a word.
Now think about the reverse. You ever thought/know that one of your best guy/girl friends wants more???
I'll be honest...I'm pretty sure I could count on 1...(MAYBE 2) hands the number of good close guy friends I have had that neither of us ever had a crush on the other.
SO blogosphere people...This will be a first.....but I am curious what you all think. Comment below and we can get a whole conversation going......
so..............................WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!!???????
Today I want a hunchback hug.
Its been a long day. A long week. And the next 2 are shaping up to be pretty crazy.
I'm feeling just a little low. A little insignificant and a little worthless.
You know that kind of day right???
And so...at the age of 23....I want my mommy...who gives the most comforting hugs you could ever get.
She really is the greatest!
(wish I had a picture with me and her and I'm NOT in a funny hat haha)
wait I found one!!!!!
Anyways...Let me tell you the origin of the hunchback hug....and in the process explain it a bit.
In the year 2008 my family went through a kind of rough time. It was all around just hard. There were several distinct moments I remember when I would just walk into our kitchen...walk up to my mom and just give her a hug. And other times I would just be standing there and she would come up and just give me a hug. Because my mommy is slightly shorter than me....sometimes I would hunch a little bit to get a better hug.
After the rough summer the hug kind of evolved into me going up to my mother and saying "I need a hug". But this took too long. And so...to shorten the process....I began to just walk up to my mother.....and hunch over......kinda pull my shoulders down...and ya know hunch.
This became the universal sign for I NEED A HUG!!!
And for the past 3 years it has worked. Even my baby sisters do it now.
Seriously it works like a charm...she doesn't even blink anymore...just gives me a hug.
Next time you see me and my mom....tell me to do the hunchback and watch what happens. :D
And so on a day like today....I need a hug....I need to sit down on the couch next to her...lie my head in her lap and let her brush my hair.
Thank goodness the break will be here soon.
I have a confession to make.
I have always wanted to be the lead singer of a rock band.
Of course I have to clarify my definition of a rock band in this case.........
I'm talking like punky-pop...edgy pop.
Like this........
I would just like to point out...I liked hey-monday BEFORE GLEE did their song Candles as a cover.....
This was the first song I heard of theirs.....
Then everyone else jumped on the train.....
Cassadee is soooooo talented...i'm so jealous :)
Also...just throwing it out there....their new bassest...Chris.....ummmm nice...very nice ;)
Call me a poser...or crazy...But its what I like...a little bit of edge....but mostly perky...kinda like me haha
So I was going to wait for Elise to have another linking party...but I can't....
There is too much to say. I must get it out!!!!!
I'm going to explode!!!!!!!
Ok here we go (ps...just to keep you on your toes....some names have been changed ;) )
Dear Broken
I saw someone new today. I thought it was your brother and I about had a herd of cattle. Then I discovered I was wrong. And I was bummed. This is no good....shutting the door.....reluctantly...
Love
Pathetic
Dear W.
Interesting. I am treading cautiously. I'm worried about roadside bombs in my path.
Love
Nervous
Dear CK
Ummmmmmmm....yeah thats all I have to say. I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm not sure its gonna happen hun. Sorry......its just too hard.
Love
MS
Dear N of the N
OH MY GOSH!!!!! I am unsure of how to feel. Good GRIEF!!!!!
Love
Freaking OUT
Dear Late Night Phone Call
I can't be your punching bag any more. Find someone else.
Love
FED UP
Dear Mr Pie and Steak
SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Are you listening? You are being stupid. But whatever. Just don't come crawling to me when she breaks your heart......
Love
Mama Steph
Dear Enigma
Way to drop off the face of the earth. I know you like her a lot...but does that mean you totally dump me? I really needed to go on a walk with you. The Jane Austen house is EXACTLY what I need. And you aren't there. :(
Love
Me
Dear New Friend
Thank you....like seriously..thank you. I really am glad we are friends. And that you care. Your hug today was SOOOOO what I needed. You are so genuine and I really appreciate that. Thanks for being awesome. and smelling good....just saying haha
Love
Comforted
Dear Mr Know It All
I might have forgiven. But don't think I have forgotten. Our relationship...over....and you're are never gonna get it back.
Love
.....well you know what you called me
Dear Its All Your Fault
GUESS WHAT????
It is. I never really thought about it. But if it hadn't been for our combined stupidity, I would not be in the place I am in now. Hung-up...stressing... Your Thursday lead to Friday.... NO GOOD my friend...no good.
Love
Its Complicated
Dear Studious One
You are my type. Sort of. You are the reason I am considering going back to Provo. In the infamous words of Bro Parker....."Whatya think about that hmmmmmmm?"
Love
A Cougar...through and through
Dear Missionary Boy
I could not be happier for you!!!!!! Lets be honest...I liked you...we both knew it. But you are sooooo much better off with her! And anyway...that would just be too weird for us.... YUCK!
I LOVE YOU BOTH!!! Congrats!!!!
Love
The Happiest Friend EVER
Dear Pretty Blue Eyes and Poo-Poo Head
I miss you. I miss you a lot. Like A LOT A LOT
wait for me??????
Love
Your snuggle buddy
Dear Dusty-bottoms, Big Brother, CCP, Hometeacher, Taylor Swift boy, Dentist, Gangsta, Farm-boy, Country dancing boy.........
YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST!!!!!!! I MISS YOU! I miss the fact that you lacked drama. I mean there were some moments. But comparatively? Soooo So much less!
Love
Phanie :)
And just to mix things up...
Dear Taking One For the Team
THANK YOU!!! I mean I am sorry you are stuck with that jerk for eternity. But THANK YOU for getting another player off the market. Now he can only break your heart and he will leave the rest of us alone. Good luck with that!
Love
Former Mrs Chicken
Dear Stink Face
Again I wish to thank you too. Maybe its premature. But thank goodness! Another serial dater taken! WONDERFUL!!!
Love
The Girl Who Knocked Some Sense Into Him
So today I was talking to a fellow blogger. I have felt like maybe my blog is a little too whiny and angry lately. I'm a generally cheerful person...but also realistic. I really want to have a cheerful post. Where I am not bitter and jaded...or talking about my opinions of dating and guy/girl relations...which is pretty much the majority of this blog.
So I was really going to try and have a chipper post. Something funny...or inspirational.....or motivating.
But then sleep was eluding me...again...and so I am thinking...in a slightly melancholy direction. But thats better than bitter and whiny right???
I am sitting here in my bed with all the overhead lights off so the only light is the creepy glow of my computer...and the twinkle of my Christmas lights. Add in a little Christmas music and its downright festive.
But I dont really have super festive music playing......I've been listening to this one on repeat.
Every year as a little girl I always had a list. Letters to Santa....strategically mentioned gift ideas for my mother.
Then I got older. And Christmastime became very different.
And this Christmas is especially different.
I watch my patients, going through pain and discomfort and all the unknown concerns of health problems.
I know there are people everywhere...missing someone. Loving someone that is far away.
People are hungry and wondering if their next pay check is going to cover their expenses.
There is anger and animosity in the world. There are terrible people doing terrible things to good people.
This year my brother is in Ghana living and teaching and working with people who have so little.
This year someone I love very much is trying to decide whether or not to have a risky surgery.
Then there is my dear friend who not only has a mother dealing with health issues...but might have health issues of their own...scary ones.
But what can I do? How can I fix it?
I don't have that youthful ignorance anymore. I can't just ignore the hurt and pain
So Santa.....I'm gonna ask for something this year. I know you have magic...but you can't fix it all. So here's what I would like.
My gift? The ability to be there for the people I love. And make things just a little bit better. To help them even just a little bit.
Favorite video of the day???
watch this....its gonna make your day.
ummmmm...seriously considering doing this someday...um YEAH
My favorite new nursing jacket let me down a little this morning...(its not nearly as warm when the wind blows as it is when I am sitting in class "freezing too cold" [if you know this quote GOLD STAR!]. But I still like it lots! Its soft and has a cute little Truman nurse on it :)
Favorite quick comfort meal?? Take a box of mac and cheese...boil the noodles to almost done...drain....mix in the milk (a little more than they say)...substitute the butter with 1/2 the amount light sour cream....sprinkle with a butter garlic breadcrumb mixture...bake at 350 for 10 ish minutes....then pop on the broiler for about eh 3 mins...dont let it burn. YUMMZIES! (maybe not to anyone else...but it is a super fast way to get baked cheesey goodness.
Favorite moment? Getting a text from my old roomie...."Is he on FB?..[after an answer in the affirmative] .....Don't worry hes being sufficiently stalked..[a few moments later]..CUTE........unless he turns out to be a dirtbag."
OH HEATHER COVE!!!!! I miss you so much you have NO IDEA!!!!!
You girls always protect me from the dirtbags (and potential dirtbags) who inevitably waltz their way into my life.
So I have a huge test on Friday. And I am giving myself 15 minutes to write this post, because I keep thinking about it while I am trying to focus on the signs and symptoms of stroke...and what to do for patients with fractures....and how ventilators work. And I need to get it written so that I can focus again.
Its been hard to focus all DAY!!! I have a million other things on my mind. At other times in my life I would say that I'd rather think about anything but my school work. But right now...all I want to think about is school...cause its so much easier than all the other things going on.
The other night I couldn't sleep. I was restless and anxious and agitated. I kept trying to distract myself with something else...and everything I kept thinking about just got me more agitated.
I think life goes through phases. And I am currently in an agitated one. Lets hope it ends soon and the next phase is a calm and peaceful one (doubtful....but a girl can dream right?)
I'm sure a bunch of you are wondering what I am so agitated about. Its really not important. Point is...it is very distracting. And it certainly didn't help that the Notebook was on TV while I was making dinner (pancakes and eggs...gotta LOVE breakfast for dinner!!)
Its hard to focus when you realize some screenwriter somewhere stole your lines......
"Couldn't sleep last night because I know it is over between us. I'm not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy, and remember....."
I guess that its not fine...but it is the way that it is so.....
I can't seem to get out of the habit of posting everyday and trying to come up with a song for the day haha
Its funny now that I am not I miss it...when I used to resent it.
But anyway...on to what I want to rant about today.
I have had bad luck when it comes to dating...very bad luck.
I won't go into too many details..that should be its whole own post.
Some days I blame myself....other days I blame the boys....other days I just throw up my hands and assume that fate...or karma....or whatever rules luck....is not my bestest friend and I just have bad luck.
The other day a friend of mine was trying to encourage me to be more positive about my dating situation....but he just couldn't ......because "you have had bad luck!"
Yep...its not just me who thinks it!! haha
Today I think I just have bad luck. Bad things just happen. The wrong guys like me. I like the wrong guys. The situation isn't right. And I end up burned.
So why am I talking about this now?
Well I have had another stroke of bad luck. Before things could really get started...they ended...a total ALMOST moment......
Hence the choosing of this song.....plus I really like A Fine Frenzy :)
I wasn't mad when I didn't get the phone call I was hoping/expecting. (should have listened to myself and my post from Saturday haha)
Stomachache and headache....ignored and suffered through.
But then I get a nasty message. From someone who I think would call me a friend.
Yeah I don't call you a friend anymore. And now....now I'm mad!
You think calling me nasty names is the best thing to do??
Mr Know It All.......lksjdf;lkjsdf;jklhsdfl;kjsdflkjsdfiouwerjhdvkjn
you have driven me crazy for MONTHS! But I have tried to take the higher road. Tried to find your good qualities and like you for those.
But its over....Its done
I wont be mean...no I wont stoop to your level.
But you better believe that unless I ABSOLUTELY have to....I will never be speaking to you again.
And this is my first real rant post....interesting........
