Dear Kenneth Cope

I met you one time. It was kinda cool!

I have always appreciated your songs.  Mostly for their lyrics.  The melodies are nice of course, but really what gets me is the lyrics.

Last night I left home kind of a wreck.  It took me over an hour and a half to actually get out of the house just because I was so dreading coming back to Columbia.
Even though its only 24 (WAHOO!) more days....these next 24 days are going to be full of SOOOO much stuff!  So much to do and so little time!
And last night I was feeling really stressed about it.  Since it was a Sunday night a mix of Mo-Tab and EFY music accompanied me home.

One song hit me more than usual.  I've heard this song a MILLION times...but for some reason this time...I thought about it.



There is one line in this song that made me think the most.
"Could it be that God loves broken things"

I think that when I first heard this I kind of assumed you meant that He likes broken things more than fixed things.  And that He is happy when we are broken.

But lets be honest and think about this a little.  Neither of these ideas make even a remote bit of sense!
That is not how God is.  He is a loving Heavenly Father, who wants us to be whole and put together.

So here I go....putting ideas and thoughts into your head. (haha)
I think what you mean is He loves broken things DESPITE the fact that they are broken.

And that is an idea I am a big fan of.
Cause lately I feel like just when I get put back together I break in a different way.
So thank goodness for this love.  Cause I am all sorts of broken all the time!

I am NOT a spontaneous person. but when youre alone in the world, really alone, you have no choice but to be open to suggestions

Wish...many meanings. no guarantees

Doesn't it sometimes seem like the whole dang world is uphill? Oh well-at least we know the way back will be easy

It was summer..early evening. Once this had been my favorite time of year, favorite time of night. When the fireflies came out and the heat cooled.

I had a sudden pang of worry thinking about this deviation from my routine. But this was one night. One chance to vary. To see where it took me. The fireflies were probably already out. Maybe it wasn't just a time or a season but a whole world I had forgotten

I'd never know till I stepped out into it.

Dear Truth About Forever

You are a GREAT book.

You are the book I will read at least every summer.

Time to start it up again. 

LOVE LOVE

Dear Frontenac Wardies

Yes, the girl you have known since she was 8 walked into church yesterday with.....wait for it...... A BOY!!!!!

You have watched this previously mentioned girl go from floral 90s dresses that tied in the back to skirts and shirts to a mixture of whatever she thinks she can rock best. You have watched her experiment with hairstyles, haircuts, and now hair color. You have watched her go from a meek calm reverent girl in Primary (children's Sunday School) to a bold outspoken (and sometimes not in the best way) Laurel (16-18 year old girls group).

Everytime this girl has come home to visit her family you have asked the age old question "Is there anyone special in your life?"

The answer has really always been yes. This girl is very blessed to have LOTS of special people in her life. But we both know that is not the question you were really asking.

She is sorry to disappoint....but this boy. This boy that held your hopes and dreams (dramatic much? haha) is not her boyfriend. Just a good friend who she loves dearly.

So Dear Relief Society (women's organization) president- "I like him. Do we like him?" Yes of course we do!
And Dear High Priest's (men's organization, usually older)grou- "Accountants make good husbands" Thanks for the advice, but lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dear girls I grew up with- You are so funny! LOVE YOU!
And finally Dear Sister... and Sister.... careful! if your eyes bug out more they are going to pop out of your head!

It was a fun weekend and I'm glad I got to spend it with such a good friend.

Here are a few fun shots :)

Spencer heading towards the Mississippi

GATEWAY TO THE WEST!!!

ME AND THE MISSISSIPPI

Riding up the Tram to the top of the Arch

 

 Us at the Top :)

Dear Love Languages

Ok--so here is a funny story.  There is this thing called Love Languages.  Whenever I have learned to talked about them with others...I have always felt like I didn't really fall into one alone.
I have never been a fan of these kind of quizzes cause I never feel like I fit into any of their boxes very well.

AND so....to prove this....I took the quiz.
And seriously...the top 3 are all bunched together with a ton of space before the next one.
It makes it look like I don't like presents. (Diamonds are very pretty hehe)


8 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
0 Receiving Gifts
5 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

Before I end this letter little quiz....may I make a suggestion?  You are often making me choose between 2 of my top three.  And I really don't like ahving to choose between both.  I like both.  So let me choose both!  

Put ALL the questions in a list and let me pick the ones that match me best.

Then we can really get a good idea!

 

PS---Heres the link to the quiz.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/?profiletype=singles
Everybody take it and post your results as a comment. It'll be fun to see what we are all like!!!!

Dear Anniversary

I know its crazy that I'm actually thinking about this.  But can you really blame me?

Its been an interesting year.
I have (almost) graduated from nursing school.  I have really worked as a nurse.
I have bought a car.  I have applied for at least 40 jobs!
I have juggled school, and clinicals and a part time job.
I have said goodbye to a few people.  I have "graduated" from the singles ward here.

And I have gotten over him.


Its funny that despite all the things that have happened.  I remember every moment.
From the first date to the last time we talked.
Some most days I can't even remember where I put my keys....
But I remember eating the kettle corn I had just made. 
I remember the pounding heart.  The phone call to my sister...to my mom...to Dan.
Texting and then talking to Beth.  Tearing down pictures, un-tagging them.
Having to go to classes the next day and though I was able to vent to my friends there I still had to keep it together. Finally being able to take Thursday afternoon off after clinicals to not keep it together anymore.
The weekend after which was plagued by the idea that everything I was doing should have been with him...but the fact that I was home with the people I loved...and who were so worried about me...making it ok.


And now its all good again.
I'll be honest and say I haven't gotten over what we had.  But I'm not sure I ever will.
You never forget the first time you truly cared for someone in that way.
But I guess that means it was real.  And that is strangely comforting

Dear Trials of Faith and Answers to Prayers

Have you ever asked the question why me?
If you haven't I shun you for being too good of a person and ask you never read my blog again (hahaha jk!)

I caught myself saying that all day last Monday. Everything was going wrong in my personal life that day. And You know how once you start listing all the bad things that are wrong with your life you can't stop?
I began asking why things were happening to my family...and not happening to them. And why things were happening to my friends...and not happening to them.
I was peeved to say the least.

I felt like I had been trying really hard to be a good person...to read my scriptures more fervently..to pray more earnestly. I was trying to listen better to the Spirit. And I felt like I was being punished for all my efforts.

That night I opened up my scriptures to read about faith. I have been doing a kind of systematic study of faith-with my most recent pattern being going through the Topical Guide and reading all the scriptures about faith. I was in the Doctrine and Covenants at this point. And let me show you what I found in section 105, verse 19:

I have heard their prayers, and will accept their offering; and it is expedient in me that they should be brought thus far for a trial of their faith.


Wow! Can we say answer to the prayer I wasn't even praying!!!!!!!!!!
I was doing all I could do.  And I felt ignored for it.  But this scripture that day spoke to me specifically.  I was being heard.  What I was doing was acceptable.  But my faith was being tried.

The very next day things started to fall into place little by little.  The puzzle is not complete...of course.  There are still pieces in the wrong spots and pieces that are totally missing.  But I'm ok.  I'm being heard....and its all going to work out for the best in the end.

Trials of our faith are not easy.  Lets be straight up honest---they SUCK!  But we have to keep doing our best to survive them.  And we will come out on the other end stronger.
Faith precedes the miracle they say.  Not sure if this trial of my faith is to strengthen me for an impending miracle or if it is just to make me stronger.  Who knows.
But what I do know is that I am (oh strike me down right now!) grateful for the trial of my faith that I am experiencing.
I don't guarantee that I will always feel that way...this may be a fleeting feeling.  But at least I will always have this moment to look back on, so that I can try and get that gratitude back.

Dear Lots of Random Thoughts Running Around in My Head

There is so much happening in my head right now!  YIKEZYS!!!!

First off...I need to stop watching chick flicks...they make me want to be in love in a movie...not real life.  This will create problems in the future I just know it!

Second....a friend of mine and I chatted last night...and it was INTERESTING.  Not sure if I should believe all the ridiculousness of the conversation.  I kinda want to..but kinda don't.  Mostly I am just confused about the whole thing!

Third...I finally admitted a lot of my wants out-loud tonight (Thank you for listening Glessie!)  I for sure have known what I have wanted for a while.....but I never have said it out-loud.

Fourth...I hate how hard it is for people to leave bad situations.  I got to chat with a friend today who is hurting cause of a crazy relationship situation.  GET OUT!!!  RUN AWAY!!!  You are only hurting yourself by staying.  But thats easy for me to say.

Fifth...I hate the idea of as long as you both shall live....I want more.  Thank goodness there is!!!

Sixth...It is a very fine line between judging and understanding the whole picture.  I suppose I could say that I made several intermediate judgements tonight.  Not final...NEVER final!  That would be sooooo not ok.  These things I judge though...they are on my mind.

Seventh....Too bad those boys who live next door to my friend...you know the ones with the motorcycles and the pickup truck and the attractive faces...spent the night playing beer pong in their garage.  I would totally enjoy getting to know them...sober.

Eighth.....breakups are crummy....and lead to over-compensation

Dear Pseudo Breakup

I didn't really realize it until today.  I was walking on campus and saw a person from the branch off in the distance.  My stomach started to churn.

And it wasn't out of anger or anything.

It was that "I'm so nervous" "oh crap what will I say" "shoot dang" "why didn't I go the other way...I could have avoided this!" stomach churn.

Confession...same feeling I had when I saw Chicken Boy for the first time post breakup.

WHAT THE WHAT?????

This change has turned into a break up of sorts.

There is a wedding going down tomorrow.
I'm so excited for the actual wedding part.  I adore the bride and groom.

But the reception.  That is going to be full of awkward post-break up moments.
At least with a real break up you only avoid one person.  You can't avoid the whole room!

It'll be all ok.  I'm not that worried.  Just bracing myself.

This change has brought some unexpected baggage.  Whoda thunk??

PS.There are lots of emotions...like any break up.  But this song might be the best one I have found so far...

Dear Word Misunderstood

You have caused a great deal of introspection lately.

Someone I trust very much told me that I am misunderstood.

And I didn't know exactly what that actually means.

My knee-jerk reaction was
"Heck yeah!  People don't get me!"
My next thought:
"Aw heck...do I even get me?

hahaha.  I think knowing and understanding ourselves is a life long project that is never really done.

So lets put me aside for a minute...and lets focus on everybody else and how they see me...who they understand me to me

I'm easily misunderstood.  I'll be honest..I'm CONFUSING!
I like Luke Bryan and Miranda Lambert AND heymonday and nevershoutnever.
My two favorite outfits: a form-fitting pencil skirt paired with a leather jacket AND a boho-ish print maxi dress.
I'll tell people who read my blog all sorts of things...but would NEVER tell a friend (not a best friend...just a friend hahaha...gotta clarify)

Lots of people see me as the studious, sweet, spiritual, got it all together girl.  A good little Mormon girl
And yeah that is sort of me....that toned down a lot is the real me.  You gotta tone it down cause you've gotta have some room to throw in some other stuff.

You've gotta throw in that I don't always got it together--just ask my mama ;)
Throw in that I want to dye my hair pink.
That I love black nails...that some days most days I'm not Miss Good-Little Mormon girl

And I don't think many people really know that about me.  And when they find it out...they act so surprised.

(warning I am about to throw some serious Child Development mojo all over this joint!)

Piagetian theory believes that cognitive development (our understanding of people and things around us) is based on assimilation.
The child sees a bird in the sky..points and Mom labels it as a BIRD.
Later the child sees an airplane and labels it BIRD.
It flies in the sky...so it must be a bird.

We see someone...and we want them to fit into our schema.
We are all the victims and the perpetrators of this crime.

With all the changes that have been happening in the past year or so...I have watched people try to put me in their schemas. They have placed me in their little boxes.

I watched one person fight tooth and nail to keep me there.  They didn't want to see the real Stephanie...they couldn't handle it in fact.
I lost a relationship because I wasn't the person he thought I was.
I have had people tell me what I was thinking.  And why I was doing things and making the choices I was.
People love to put words in my mouth and thoughts into my head.

They like to think they know me.
You don't know a thing about me!

You want to know me??  Want to understand me for reals??
Allow yourself to accommodate. Let yourself create new schemas.

Dear Meredith

Thank goodness I have you around!!!

When I am one hot mess...you tell me everything is gonna be ok.  You tell me you are sorry---and that you wish you could fix it.  And then you always tell me that it will work out.  You let me talk it all out.  And you never judge

You and I are not a coincidence. Everything that happened for over a year before we ended up roommates set us up for it all.

You have been there for me through the ups and the downs.  We have done it all together-you and me!

Thank goodness we have our roller coasters in sync just right.  When things are cruising good for you, I'm a mess...and vise versa.

We have worked it out pretty well so that we can help pick up each other's pieces.

Feel free to fall down if you want...cause you just picked me up...so now I can do it for you.
The holes we always seem to fall into are never going to totally go away.
But I promise to always jump right in there after you and  remind you how we crawled out the last time.

A girl could not ask for a better friend.  You are amazing and awesome.  You are kind and compassionate.  You are strong and beautiful. Never forget that!
You have taught me what true strength really is.


Love you person!!!!!!!!!
<3 Christina

or....




PS...I'm in a dancy mood...again wouldn't it be great to move like this.  Literally brings tears!!!
I always think of us when I see this one.

Dear Emily

Alright...another Monday night gone...another review of the Bachelorette for your enjoyment.

First off...We all knew Travis The Egg Guy wasn't going to stick around.  He said himself he was in the friend zone. To all you doubters out there..ITS REAL!!!!

One of my bloggy buddies Bridget also watches and has nicknamed Chris Ice Age....UMMM PERFECTION!!!!
Check it out!

 

So poor little Chris will henceforth be Ice Age Chris.
Seriously terrible at the game things.

And while we are on the topic....you are in Croatia and are participating in Scottish games?  Weirdness  Disney affiliate ABC trying to plug a little..I think so!

Sean the kind and quiet is going up in my mind.  Very strong and appropriately "bachelor" humble about it.

Ummmm  Arie...up against a wall makeout anyone???? Way to play the game!!!
Seriously..he is doing his best to get her to fall in love with him.  I don't dislike it..but I prefer Jef with one F's approach better.  He's falling for her...and not worrying about if she is falling for him.  It seems more organic that way.  (and of course organic-ness is EXACTLY what we are looking for on a nationally televised dating "reality" show)

Ummmm EMILY.. WHY ARE YOU GIVING THE ROSE TO CHRIS??  Do you see how he is bobbing his head?  Do you really find him that attractive?  Are you CRAZY??  He is GOOFY looking!  And what is he talking about?  He is just jammering on and on  Can we say AWKWARD!!!!!???

Thick-neck (aka Ryan..have you SEEN his neck?  Its bigger than his head..which ps is FLIPPING GINORMOUS too!!)  Eww Eww.  You have been bugging me for weeks!  You has gots to go!
Emily-I was worried like the guys that you would fall for the salesman act.  BUT YOU DIDN'T!
But then you started to let him try to change your mind.  GIIIRRRL!  You had me all freaked out!
Thank goodness him and his NASTY turquoise shoes went a-walkin away!
Feel free to get fat...not fit into someone's "perfect wife" list...and not be a trophy!

Dontcha just love how he was all worried about the guys back at the hotel being all stunned and crushed..dramatic editing cut to celebrating bachelors hahahahahaha

And back to Arie..sneaking out eh??  There are only like 6 of them left...did no one notice?  Isn't that kinda sketchy??  Everytime one of these people sneak off I wonder..Courtney to skinny-dip..that one crutches dude.  Why did no one notice they were missing????
Again..saying all the right things to get her to like you.  Worrisome...  Not too much because I know you like her too but....

Ah dear Jef with one F.  You are so cute!  soooo precious.  like a sweet little boy.  sooo sweet.  this might be your undoing...but you are cute and I'm cheering for you.


And John...where the flip have you been.  Do you ever talk to Emily?  Go StL I suppose but really.  And whats with the grandparental funeral cards.  Your parents don't even know you carry them around...but now a nation-wide audience does.  Wacky!

Doug the Dad...why are you crying.  Its sweet that you miss your son.  But he is 12.  You are not missing his first words or his first steps.  You are missing his awkward pre-teen hormones.  Miss him yes...I TOTALLY support that.  He's your kid.  But he told you to come on the show (an odd request, but we shall move on) so stop blubbering.  Keep it together man!

Uh oh...who will she send home.  She is going to send them both home??  Is she trying to speed through this process or something?  Where is the fire?  Is your biological clock ticking?  You are only 26 you know.  And the longer you are on the air the more money you make....

And the dramatic bringing of the second rose!!!!!!!!
Keeping them both eh??  Well we shall see what next week will bring!

I think Arie and the producer problem will blow over.  She likes him too much.  Plus again..he's in island previews.  But I thought that last week about Ryan.  Guess they scrambled together all the "beachy" shots in Croatia.  Tricky editors!!!!

Doug the Dad and John will head home next.  

New predictions.
Still Arie winning
Jef with one F and Sean the k and q...its a toss up for second'
Ice Age Chris will round out hometown dates

Dear Gravity

Set me free..leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment....

I try to make you see....You're neither friend nor foe, though I can't seem to let you go.
One thing that I still know is that you are keeping me down.


Powerful words Sara....powerful words











PS
Some days (scratch that...EVERYDAY!!!) I just wish I could dance like this!  Holy cow....Super jealous!

Dear Daddy-O

So here is the thing---I don't like Father's Day.
For the same reason I am not a fan of Mother's Day.

Or specific holidays of any kind for specific people (except MLK day and President's day....but that is done now because I'm not in school any more so those days are no longer special.)

But I also feel like a super rotten daughter if I don't write a post about how much I love my dad.

So here goes...simple cause gushy is obnoxious........

My dad is the greatest......
He drives over 100 miles to fix my car for me.
He always answers his phone...even when he knows there is a cranky or emotional daughter on the other end.
He has magical powers to fix my computer remotely.
He makes the best scrambled eggs and hash browns...we all try but we just can't do it like him.
He gives me really good advice.
He takes care of everyone....from the cute little widows he hometeaches to us kids--always looking out for us and helping any way he can.
He acts annoyed when I talk super loud and super fast and in super large amounts....but I know he loves it ;)
So yeah...I love my Daddy-o (I also know he secretly loves when I call him that)

Yeah--This exemplifies our relationship.....

Dear readers--

I FORGET MY FAVORITE ONE!!!!!!





also this one concerns me....
who has this much time!!!!????