We are going to dig into the vault for these ones. Its a big anniversary for me this week. So I'm doing all sorts of remembering.
dear boy from the past
thank you for teaching me so much. you were a complete mistake.
but one that totally changed me and shaped who i am today.
but also...thank goodness i dodged that bullet!
love
me
dear boy from the past
i'm sad i ruined it...but i am grateful i had you when i really needed you.
you got me through some really rough patches. thank you
but just so you know..i almost was killed by deer on my walk back. should've helped a sister out.
love
me
dear boy from the past
that was an interesting one. not sure even what to make of it. it was a rough go. but thank you for waking me up and making me work again. i had fallen a bit...and you made it so i wanted to jump back up.
also...worst elevator ride ever...#thanksnothanks
love
me
(yes...that glee pink ness did just happen)
dear boy from the past
2 years ago today. thank you for teaching me what it was all about. thank you for showing me how it should be done. thank you for showing me what i deserved and what i really wanted. you will always be the one
love
me
Be Happy Be Healthy kiddos!!!!
dear lonely
well that was the most lonely elevator ride ever. i felt so deserted and so rejected. you say i'm so pretty...but never more than that. always just the physical. i knew the answer to the question before i asked it. i just wished that i was wrong. i wanted you to like me for me not just for my "smooth skin" or "beautiful brown eyes" but for my kindness and my talents and...me. i wanted you to like all of me. not just parts of me. i was ok with the no strings attached if someday it meant that we would attach the strings. but thats not going to happen is it? cause you will never see me that way.
i thought maybe you did. when you would look at me so intently. like you were studying every bit of me. but who knows what that really was. when you held my hand it felt different. like someday it might become something.but yeah...guess not.
i don't know where to go from here. part of me really really wants to just show you. i am more than who you think i am. i'm not just a pretty face. i'm not just a bubbly personality. i'm both...and more. and guess what...i really really really want to make you regret it all!.
dear pig
really that is all i was to you. a piece of meat? a thing to help you not feel lonely. a fix for your need for validation. it was all lust. you knew i was weak and you knew i was a mess. and you took advantage of it. you preyed on me. and then you led me on. made me think it was possible.
dear
alright ill take responsibility. id rather blame you of course but i let it happen...every time. sometimes i suggested it. i was lonely too. its nice to hear someone tell you you are pretty. or to have someone look at you so intently. and its really nice to have someone kiss you like they want you.
I think my favorite Dr Suess quote could be amended slightly....or perhaps given a variation.
"Don't cry cause its happening"
Life happens. It rains...sometimes a lot.
Usually you are just standing there minding your own business and the clouds roll in.
But sometimes...you see the rain clouds off in the distance and run right towards them.
And then suddenly you are soaking wet and shivering...and wondering how you got into this mess.
But does it really matter?
You are wet now....can't undo it.
So make the most of it. Let it make you better
Yesterday afternoon I went for a walk. I needed some perspective on some CRAY CRAY stuff that has been happening lately.
And parks/walks are STELLAR for perspective. (Like seriously...try it sometime!)
But problem was..the minute I left my house...the skies opened up and dropped an ocean of rain.
But all joking aside....it eventually let up a bit and so I went out....sloshed through puddles and got my perspective.
The grass doesn't grow as green without the rain...
This has probably been the rainiest June on record in good ol' StL.
And the grass and trees have never looked greener.
(PS...is there anything better than that rich forest green of trees??)
And the flowers. The flowers are loving it.
Wildflowers have a rough hand dealt to them.
They grow where ever they can manage to find an open spot of dirt.
No one takes care of them. They have to take care of themselves.
But they are strong because of it. They survive the harsh sun...and relish every gust of wind and downpour of rain.
And so its official. I love wildflowers...and parks..and walks in the rain with polka dot umbrellas :)
(probably should NOT share this photo since the lighting has me looking PRETTY ghostly! Paste-y much?)
Also...totally in love with this song. Its like the perfect soundtrack to my walk
also super obsessed with THIS and THIS right now...more on that later. But read them while you listen to this song. It will blow your mind!!!!
(Congrats for finishing this mammoth long post!!!)
One of the perks of our job is that we get to wear PJs...and comfy shoes...and ponytails
The epitome of lazy dressing
But in my short time as a nurse I have discovered not all scrubs are created equal.
And you want a good one.
You've gotta worry about style and fit and comfort. Pockets and type of fabric
12 hours of crazy messes....you want a brand/style you like!
Its a pretty basic cut...v-neck, double pockets (ESSENTIAL!)
There are several other styles...the empire one looks appealing...as does THIS one :)
Like most scrubs it runs big....I got an extra small and it still was a little large.
They have a XXS.....which might seem like a gamble....but probably is worth it.
(side note....do scrub companies want to help out our self-esteem by under sizing??? CONSPIRACY)
If you have ever gotten Dickies scrubs before, you will know the fabric is real good. You could prolly get puked on and it might wipe right off! Exaggeration yes-but the fabric is thick and strong. It seems super stiff at first, but a couple times through the dryer and you are in pretty good shape.
Color choices are good....depending on the neck line...between 15 and 25 choices!
We all know that when you wear the same thing everyday its nice to get some fun colors!
(I sadly had to get navy for my current place of employment...no hot pink for me!)
On top of it all the price is pretty good. A good 4 or 5 pairs can set you back a pretty penny-but Dickies does a good job of giving you really good fabric for a decent price.
Interested and want 15% off??????
Use the coupon code: "trueblue" at this link: Nurse Scrubs until Aug 31 2013!
Not taking a break...NO WAY!!! Too much to say!!! also a song for your reading/listening pleasure
dear lonely
i know you are and i'll be here for you the whole time
in any way that you need me to be...no strings attached
love
friend
dear bell boy
soooooo soooooo glad things are back to normal
thanks for being honest with me and not thinking less of me
i'm trying to follow your advice...though its very hard and i've slipped up once already
i'm still trying...promise!
love
your hot mess friend
dear new kid on the block
boy boy crazy boy...keep cool boy!
and then...dive on in!
love
someone who has walked in your shoes before
dear us and them
i'm not saying we should hold hands and sing kumbi-ya
but there is only a perception of hatred...not actual
lets all get over it and just be kind to one another
love
the (self-proclaimed) "queen" of the island of misfit toys
dear addition
i love having you around. you bring the perfect balance
love
#4 of the fab five
dear shark number two
awkward! sorry but that is gonna be a no!!!
like a big huge no!!!!
i have a "you don't have to always say yes to a first date" policy
you are kind but SOOOOOO not for me
love
girl concerned about becoming shark bait
dear big man on campus
ummmmmm ok this is all a little concerning
keeping an extra close eye on it all
but promising to not overthink it
love
worry-wart
dear dancer
well isn't this interesting
you are too short....and she ain't interested
but hey go for it! who knows
love
girl who will tell you where she will be...but won't give you her number
dear espanolo
oooo...room has been made for you to swoop in
how are your swooping skills? you really should swoop
i'll help ;)
love
matchmaker
dear mr mystery
ummmmm so yeah didn't expect to ever see you again
AWKWARD
love
whoopsies!
dear eye candy
you may be too young...but you are sure good to look at
so feel free to stick around ;)
love
heres lookin at you kid
dear rule guy
ummmm she's not interested
and you are too excited...settle down honey!!!
deep breaths..lets do it together....smell the flowers...blow out the candles
ya gotta chill man!
love
cautious friend
dear baby brother
you are going to be here soon!!!
SOOOOOOOOOO over the moon excited!
love
big sis
Dr Suess once said,
"Don't cry because it is over, Smile Because it Happened"
You know those moments when you are incandescently happy?
When you feel safe..physically and emotionally?
When you feel loved and wanted and even needed?
When you are surrounded by those you love, doing things you love, in a place you love.
I call it contentment. Contentment is more than giddy happiness. Its deeper than that. It means love and safety along with that happiness.
I've had these content moments throughout my life...and when things are really bad-all I want to do is go back to those moments.
But I've learned something recently (Thank you Dr Suess) Its nice to remember those things. Its nice to look back and remember how wonderful you felt.
But you know what else is awesome? Finding those times everyday!!!!
There are so many moments of true contentment in this life.
We just need to find them.....
And then we will be less sad that its over...and more likely to smile because of it.
We are officially in a new chapter and phase for my little blog baby.
I've enjoyed being the Swilly girl in your life-but lots of life has happened since then, and I think we have outgrown Silly Swilly.
I won't say that I won't still continue to rant occasionally. Or share my opinions and thoughts.
I will still find a certain joy in the silly and ridiculous....
And there will still be the occasional dear boys
And of course I will join up with nursing link-up or High Five for Fridays every so often.
But for the most part we are just going to remember. And document for future remembering.
We are going to be happy and look for the good, without glazing over the bad the inevitably happens
I want to throw out a special thanks to all who have been with me through this whole journey.
I have so many loyal and fantastic followers, who are even more amazing friends and acquaintances.
Thanks for trudging through format changes and crazy rants, novel long posts, too much music, never enough pictures and more often than not TERRIBLE writing.
Ya'll are the best. And I hope we can hang out here in the blogosphere for a while!
Everyone does it....and trust me...I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Daddyo
(and yes I do call him that and yes that is how he is in my phone and yes the ringtone that plays when he calls is a swing song called "Go Daddyo!)
But it just seems so trite to write a post about him.
He's the guy I always have and forever will be able to count on 110% and I honestly just don't want to trivialize it.
So we will keep it short and sweet...and reluctantly cheesy.
My dad is the reason I am who I am today.
He has instilled values in me from the day I was born that have led me to the place I am in my career and to the place I am as a person.
He has protected me my whole life-from both spiders and heartache.
Plus he lets me be annoying and loud and crazy and always pretends to listen to my rants.
Ever had a night that you felt like was really close to perfect?
I've had a few times in my life when I have felt TRULY 100% content and happy.
and last night was one of those times.
I was hesitant to go out-just kinda in a blah. An "I've worked all week and now I am cranky, tired, and pathetic" mood. But my friends convinced me....so I went over and we chatted for a while, nothing fancy, nothing big. And then suddenly....we were in the truck...windows down, music at full blast...heading south.
Now we all know how much I love my town. The city of St Louis is STELLAR and my little corner of suburbia....AMAHZING.
But drive 45 or so minutes south-and BAM-yo South County...or SoCO as the locals call it....and if you know where to go-some of the best spots in town.
There is still an old railroad that runs right along the Mississippi river and if you go at the right time-you can walk along the track, in total still silence with nothing but the quiet rustle of the trees in the wind and the water lapping against the shore.
If its a clear night, the stars are tremendous and if you are really lucky- you might see one or two shooting across the sky. The smell of honeysuckle (aka the official smell of summer around here!) is almost intoxicating while the fireflies dance in the woods looking like a professional fireworks show.
It truly was an incredible night.
And though it is cheesy-this will forever be the song that will remind me of the night we left the crazy and just WERE...
Sometimes life can be lonely. Sometimes it gets you down and there are hard times.
But also there are somedays when it seems like nothing can go wrong.
And those days recharge you and make you remember.
If I ever leave this place-I will certainly miss it-but I will always smile at the memories.
Isn't melancholy such a perfect word? Sometimes I feel like it describes my mood so much better than sad. Cause its not really sad.
Its like sad with a hint of resigned and a dash of concern that things will never quite work out.
Somedays are melancholy days. Luckily not all....but I never have been one to gloss over the negative.
Its a part of life. Let deal with it and move on ya know? No dwelling...but no glossing either!
And so with that introduction/explanation....I give you dear boys
dear bell boy
i'm not angry. i just sad and disappointed.
i know this is what is supposed to happen. and you did warn me.
but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
love
left behind
dear tractor boy
i'm glad you were so sweet to her.
just wish i could get the same.
but i guess i will just have to be satisfied with the first
love
heart broken
dear big man on campus
i foresee not so good things happening soon.
now the question is...do i pull out now before the above happens for a THIRD time this year
or do i hold on for as long as i can?
love
torn
dear three piece suit
must you leave? ya'll always leave!
its all good. i'm excited for you..hopefully you will keep me in the loop with all your adventures.
cause heaven knows you will have way more than me!!!!
love
excited for you
dear rule guy and bubble popper
i'm sorry you were the brunt of their jokes.
it breaks my heart
please know-they are just insecure stupid...kids...who have no idea
love
trying to be lovely
dear felon
i'm fine just fine. happy for you i guess
it totally blows but...whateves. not much i can do about it right?
guess the whole "he'll realize what he is missing and come crawling back"
ain't gonna happen...as i predicted
love
3 years too old
Anyway everyone-enjoy your Wednesday.
Remember to always check out what is new in Elise-y land
And Be Happy Be Healthy!!!!!
Again a lazy post....I'm watching this movie...yes right now.....
BEST MOVIE EVER!!! Always makes everything good...better...stellar etc.
It makes me laugh:
"I've got to do something about the way I look"
"Thursday! It can't be! It's too gruesome!"
"You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels."
"She's a model, believe it or not, and a thumping bore. But just look at the goodies she brought with her."
"Ahh... Do I detect a look of disapproval in your eye? Well tough beans buddy, 'cause that's the way it's gonna be."
"It's useful being top banana in the shock department."
"Turns out he was a super-rat in rat's clothing!"
BEST SCENE!!!!!
And sometimes cry:
"I'm like cat here, a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other."
"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somaliland. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."
"You musn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky."
I am sooooo sorry I have been neglecting you! There are some changes that are coming around the bend and I have been spending the free time I usually spend on blogging on that.
Don't worry-its nothing too drastic...just some major format changes.
anyway..please don't leave I promise things will get back to normal soon!!!
