Dear Home Teachers EVERYWHERE

Its kinda like a dear boys...but with a twist!

So Ok... Let's be totally honest.

Home teaching in a single's branch/ward is AWKWARD!!!

[Before I rant...let me explain to those who may not know.  Home teaching is a program in our church where 2 gentleman are assigned to families (however that family may be organized) and provide help.  This help comes in spiritual upliftment as well as service]

Its weird.  The guys are awkward..and you are awkward.
And you sit down and they are staring at you.
And you hardly know them and they want to know all about your life.

And they always pick the MOST INCONVENIENT (for you...but most convenient for them) time to see you (aka...the LAST Sunday of the month)

Its just weird.  And honestly more often then not is NOT helpful.

But it doesn't HAVE to be.
There is a reason for it.

I have had dozens of home teachers in the past 5 years of my singlehood.
Most have been icky.

But a few really helped me.

One brought me ice cream and smoothies the nights before my big tests.
One companionship randomly left notes and/or cookies on my door step just to make my day better
One companionship decided to come the next Sunday, even though it meant they wouldn't get to count their visit, because I was so crazy busy. (So nice to not feel like just a check-off).

I used to hate the program and would just wish I didn't have to have home teachers.

But now..I don't have any.  I was told that other people need home teachers more than me.
Other people need access to the priesthood, service, a friend, and assistance more than me.
 I guess they feel my level of activity in the church makes me immune to all the things home teachers could give me. (don't even get me started hahaha!)

Well I must have stopped going to church and not noticed, cause guess what?
Since my home teachers have been taken away, I have needed at least 10 blessings priesthood blessings, several car jumps and HUNDREDS of kind words of concern and comfort.

So now you ask "why didn't you call someone else?"  Ummmm....like who??
Home teachers are like mandatory friends.  I don't feel comfortable calling anyone else.  And even if I don't feel super comfortable calling my home teachers...its easier to call them, cause they "have" to help me.

There is a reason for this program.
And it breaks my heart to know, that I am not able to get anything from it.

I guess the point of this little rant is that...well, I guess I have a testimony of this program now.

And to all home teachers out there... Please take care of your people.  Please see it as not only a priesthood responsibility, but as an honor.  You are a stand in for the Lord.
If He could fix my car or tell me EXACTLY what to do, He would.
But because of the way things are...He can't.  So come fix my car, and come give me a blessing.

I don't know if you know how grateful we, your home teachees, are for that.

Dear 4East

You know the song by the Rolling Stones?
"You can't always get what you want"

Don't take offense-but I did not want to be placed with you for my practicum (final semester nursing internship).
You are adult med/surg floor.  You specialize in hearts (my least favorite body system).  You take a lot of detox patients, and lots of dialysis patients (UGH!).

But do yo know what the next line in the song is?
"But if you try sometimes, you just might find....you get what you need"

You have given me an opportunity to practice my skills in a nurturing atmosphere.
You have given me an AMAZING mentor who wants to challenge me and turn me into the best nurse I can be.
You have given me the opportunity to increase my knowledge and skills in regards to the heart and renal systems.
You have given me the chance to increase my comfort level with adults (kids are easy, parents a breeze, but adults and adults families have always made me just a little nervous haha  weird I know)

Yeah its certainly not what I wanted...but its what I need.

I feel like a real nurse.  12 hour shifts are long.  I sometimes feel like I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  But it feels good...it feels right.  I enjoy it!

so thanks

also PS.....enjoy a little musical snack....

judge away: I like the cover better!

Dear People Hoping for an Update

hey ya'll

wanna hear what is happening to me right now????

lets do a little run down...

Social life: lacking due to circumstances+nursing school.  but i am not too disappointed in it.  its just the way it is at the moment.

School life: finished another semester with decent grades and most of my brain remaining.  walked across a stage in a silly hat and was awarded a diploma cover.
started a new semester.  and will be CRAZY busy!  this is how it will work

Monday: library job 7-5; evening, leadership course
Tuesday: hospital internship 6:30-8; evening, study for test the next morning
Wednesday: Med/Surg II class (test every other week) 8-3, library job 3-5 ; evening, NCLEX studying
Thursday: hospital internship 6:30-8; evening, clinical paperwork
Friday: 7-5 library job; evening OFF
Saturday: STUDYING (by the pool of course!)


every minute of my day is planned.  but its all for a good cause.  and i HATED not being busy this last semester so it works out well!

Church: still a Relief Society teacher  i also have been filling in as sacrament meeting chorister. but all this is influx with the summer turnover in the branch.  plus i go home so much...and with the way life is rolling right now, i'm considering the family ward. i feel like it might suit my needs better.  so like i said...FLUX.
i also meet with the missionaries ALL the time.  i really enjoy being able to watch investigators grow and learn in the gospel.


lots of busyness....

missing and loving all ya'll!!!!!!

Dear Bloggers

I know it has been a while.  I'll explain this weekend.

With LOTS AND LOTS of posts!  Get ready!!!!

Dear Those Who Came Before

Thank you for your sacrifice.

You gave this country the ultimate gift--your life.

Because of you we have freedom, liberty and safety.

You are the people who make this country the great place that it is!

You are the ones who made my fun weekend possible!!!!!!!!

Dear Phrase "It Could Be Worse"

Yes and no.

I know that this is an assumption...but I have found that you are a disguise for the phrase "Suck it up...other people have it harder than you."

I think most of us could admit that yes it could be worse.
But whatever we are dealing with still is hard.  Still TOTALLY sucks!!!

I've played this song before....but did you listen to it?  More importantly did you watch it??
I was touched the first time...but when it came up this morning it almost made me late for church
(ps...don't try to put on makeup while a sad song is playing...just a tip)

As I sit watching this video...you cross my mind.  I haven't suffered the losses these women have.
Yeah it could be worse.

But I'm not gonna let you get me down...make me feel bad for thinking that my problems are terrible!

Because no matter what my problem is, my Savior Jesus Christ thinks its a big deal.
He never says "It could be worse."  He says "I know its hard.  I know you are hurting."  He says "I'll carry you...its gonna be alright"

He doesn't care if He has to carry you across the ocean or a tiny creek. To Him, He's carrying you over a bunch of water.  It doesn't matter how much.

Dear Future Fiance

I decided tonight you are going to have to propose to me twice.

Yes I am greedy and demanding....you are the one who decided to marry me in the first place.
I consider this your problem now ;)

First proposal...sweet simple and private.  Just us and a VERY WELL hidden photographer friend! (and don't show me the photos till later..I don't want it to get spoiled!)

Second proposal...big elaborate and CRAZY.  Be creative my love!  Its so fun!

Like I said...you signed up for this...have fun!!!!!!!

;D

Dear Favorite Thing Friday Fans

Haven't done one of these in a while...so thought I would throw one up!


What are my favorite things today?

My finally softish feet after my personal pedi last night
The large sum of money I made from selling some books this morning
The hope that more money will come when I sell some more tomorrow.
The thunder that shook the library earlier
The funny look of the office (the are gonna clean the carpets this weekend so everyone's desks look super nutty)
Salt and Vinegar potato chips.  SERIOUSLY addicting
"You are so cute I wanna bite your cheeks"  Who the FLIP says that???
My Eric Hutchinson Pandora radio station

Dear People Who Are Always on My Side

The past couple of days I have talked to lots of people. Some have had my back...and some haven't.
Not that they were actively not having my back.  I think they thought they were.  But they really weren't.

And that is not their fault.  That is my bad.  I should have understood they were just trying to help.

But for me, the people I talked to who were on my side...they were the ones who I felt had my back.

If you haven't noticed...its been a cranky week haha.
Lots of busy-ness.  Lots of stress.  Not enough sleeping or eating.
I feel like that is a mantra of mine.

With all the craziness, I had to talk some of it out.
It was one of those "it just isn't ok" moments.
Some people tried to talk me out of it.  "Its not that bad"  "You are fine"  "Suck it up" and other stuff.
And yeah..they were right.  100% right.

But the four people who understood and said "yeah that does suck" "yeah you have a right to feel upset"
"no-what happened/is happening is not ok".  The ones on my side.  Those are the ones I felt had my back.

Validation is important for us all.  We all want to feel like we are justified.
Its also important to not wallow and throw a pity party.

And that's why I love phone calls with the people on my side.
It starts out with listening...followed by "that sucks"...followed by "but its gonna be ok" and "its all gonna work out...somehow, someday".

That was what I needed and I got it!

So thanks...especially to "Meredith"
You are always on my side....always got my back.

Dear Phrase "One Hot Mess"

you fit very well today.

When you roll around in the mud you are bound to get dirty.

I think it is time for a shower!!!!!!!

Dear Boys (Number 19 my friends!)

Dear boys posts work so well with this new format!!

As always check out Elise-y!!!!!!!






Dear Boy Who Wants to Help MeYou are so sweet for thinking of me.  But want to know the backwards crazy truth??  You asking almost makes it harder.  Cause what I really need...you can't do.  And that bums me out.It shouldn't....but it doesLove Wishing Things Were Different

Dear Former FriendThanks so much for dropping me!  And what is the saddest part is that I'm pretty sure you didn't drop me for the reason others might expect.  I think its for something else.  Which makes me even more sad!LoveA Sad Former Friend
Dear FlirterSorry babe.  You are bad at this!  And besides...it really ain't gonna happen!!!LoveA Sorry Girl
Dear YouI don't even know what to say.  Seriously speechlessLoveMe
Dear MickeyStill Jason Mraz-ing it up???I am!LoveMinnie
and so.....

Dear Next Person Who Tells Me I Should Stay In Columbia

Watch out...Cause I might punch you in the FACE!

Sorry...that is mean and cranky. But here is the thing.

The past 12 months have not been happy months for me.
One year ago today, I came out to Columbia.
And it has been hard!

School is hard and stressful. Adjusting to a new place and all the stresses that come with living on your own is not a whole lot of fun.

Don't get me wrong. I have had happy moments. I've had good times. And I have learned SO much! People here have touched me and changed me.
But those moments and those times are fleeting. They don't last.

I'm young. I'm single. I have a career that allows for a bit of flexibility as far as location is concerned.

If I had a husband or kids or something that kept me here, I would work it out. I would learn how to be happy here. I would embrace my life here.
If I was in a position to create a permanent life; I would be more than happy to!

But I don't have to. So why would I stay in a place where I don't see a happy future?

Why would I stay somewhere that I always can't wait to leave and dread coming back to? Why would I stay in a place associated with so many rotten memories? Why would I want to stay in a place where people are unkind?

Like I said--if I had to work it out...I would.

But I don't. So I'm leaving.

Sorry if that breaks your heart.
Honestly--it doesn't really break mine.





PS...sorry if this offends someone. I don't mean to. I just want to share my true honest feelings.

MOVIE MONDAY!!!

Dear Young Women in my Home Ward

None of you are regular readers...or readers at all.

But if you were you know that this topic has been my soapbox of late.
So I feel like I have to say something.

As I went to the temple with you I was very concerned by something that was said.
I was walking in front of a group of young girls "dissing" each other.  One responded that she thought the girls needed to work on their "dissing"

Anyone who knows me knows that when I feel very strongly about something, I have trouble keeping my mouth shut...even when in my head there is a constant mantra of "keep you mouth shut Stephanie...mouth SHUT!"

And I really didn't have much right to say much since I am not their leader...but no leaders were around...and I can't just stand there and allow unkindness to be encouraged!!!!!!!!!!

So I encouraged the girls to not work on their skills in "dissing" but instead on being kind and complimentary.


Then later in the evening I watched a leader belittle and insult one of the young women.
What an example!

It broke my heart.

I remember as a young sensitive 14 year old girl being told negative things about my body by a young women leader.
The words that were said were so untrue it was laughable.  But it was so hurtful to me I cried the whole evening, and was very self-conscious for the remainder of the summer.
And almost 10 years later I still remember it like it was yesterday.

My point is.  Unkindness is hurtful.  And that hurt doesn't go away easily, or quickly.

We need to be careful what we say to others.  We need to be kind and complimentary of others.
You never know how harmful or hurtful something you say could be.

Sometimes you can't avoid hurting someone.  It is done on accident.
But avoid it as much as you can.

You are beautiful young women...who have the opportunity to be lovely.

Be lovely..I know you can

Dear Summer Sales Boys

Is it a prerequisite to be attractive????

The Frontenac Ward has hit the MOTHER-LOAD!!!!

I have a feeling you guys have been out here for a while...and have tried the Singles Branch...and have found it (as I have) to be...well odd.  And strange.

But its alright!
The family ward is safe!

And I'll be home a lot of weekends.....and my super cute friend will be home in just another month or so.

I think you have made the right choice :)