Since Its Sunday: Reread Your Ensign Articles

So its no secret that...I'm a Mormon!!!!

(see side button for more info...see over there...look....ya see it???)


ANYWAY.  Each of our congregations is led by a fellow church member who is asked to volunteer their time and efforts to lead. (much like a pastor)
In a small congregation like mine (AKA a branch) we have a branch president to lead us and help us stay organized.

I'm lucky to have a pretty great one who works really hard to do his best.


A bit ago I was going through a particularly rough time (no way Stephanie isn't that all the time hahaha) and I was meeting with him regarding my church leadership assignment and he gave me some excellent advice.

For a time when he was a young married man he lived with his wife's grandfather.  This man's name was Gordon B Hinckley.  Those Mormons reading will know he was a Prophet and President of our world wide church.

One Saturday when working in the garden my BP noticed that President Hinckley looked very worn down and troubled.  After talking with him for a while about the things troubling him he said "Grandpa what do you do when things are hard and you are discouraged"

And do you know what his reply was????

"I re-read my old Ensign articles" (monthly church magazine with uplifting articles written by leaders)


It was an interesting thought.  Meant to be slightly humorous...but also to teach a valuable lesson.


When we are in the midst of terrible times it seems like life has always been like this.
Studies have shown that people who are less happy do not have less happy memories, they simply have a harder time recalling the happy memories, while happy people have an easier time recalling other happy memories.

With this in mind, re-reading your own journals and looking back on all the memories you have can bring great comfort and peace.  It can break through the clouds of negativity and shine a light down through the end of the tunnel.

As I have done it, I have found things to be grateful for.  I have found ways to help myself be happier and get through the tough times---cause they worked before, and so they will likely work now!!!

Plus with perspective I am even able to look at the difficult times and see the hand of the Lord in my life, blessing me and helping me.


So re-read your old Ensign articles everyone!!!!!!
It might just help ya out :)

Its a Life Makeover

So I am reading this book.....

Its called the Happiness Project.

Wait....lets start from the beginning.

I won't lie and say my life hasn't been lacking bumps lately.
I'm far from depressed....just unhappy.
Unable to truly appreciate the ordinary days.

And I don't like it!  Its no way to live.
So I decided I needed a change.

So I've talked previously about Mara from A Blog About Love.  She has an incredible method for happiness.
But its a hard one. Its about letting go of needs.  But I've given it a shot..and its hard.
I'm not giving up on Mara's plan.
I'm just trying to be realistic about myself.
I can't at this moment.


I'm a list person.  A goal setting person (not always a goal achieving person but I'm GREAT at making them)

So I've started working on a different method.  A systematic approach to happiness.

Taking small bites.  Every months doing something new to make me happy.
External actions that will cause internal change.

And then...I'll be happy.  And then I can work on the contentment and inner peace part.

Very much looking forward to it.

We are going to reframe, we are going to change.
Redo it all.
A Life Makeover.

My own Happiness Project

How This is All Going to Work.....

So I am trying to turn over a new leaf.

AGAIN I know right?????

I feel like for the past 6 months I am saying that to everyone.
I'm gonna change, things are going to be so different.

New habits, new patterns, breaking hold habits, leaving old patterns.


But I've failed....miserably is likely a dramatic overstatement.

But definitely failed.

So I'm starting a process.....yes again.

But this time I am trying to be smart about it.


Lemme tell you something about myself.  I like completeness.
I HATE more than anything when things are unfinished.
Examples you ask?
     Last month it was buying an entire apartment of furniture in one day so that when I moved in-my home would be complete.
     This month it is getting rid of EVERY piece of clothing I own to get and ENTIRELY new wardrobe.


So I figuratively (and occasionally literally) go for broke.  I try to do it all at once to get it done.

And do you know what usually happens?
I end up realizing I DON'T HAVE MONEY FOR THIS!!!!
Or energy, or time, or skill etc etc etc.

So usually what ends up happening is I just shut down and give up.
And nothing gets done!!!

YIKES!!!!!

So we are going to take a new approach.

We are going to try it one at a time.

We are going to go on a journey.
We are going to take it one day at a time.

Its gonna be different than previous gos.

Its gonna be honest...Its gonna be genuine.
(don't read whiny..just actually real)


You ready?  I most certainly AM!!!!!

Throw Back Thursday: Lost:Sept 2011

So I really REALLY want to get back into blogging again (sorry for the intensely long vacation...explanations forthcoming).

But its been hard starting back up again.  I'm out of the habit, not sure what to write about...

I've been writing for about 4 years now....and I've had some decent posts.....
Many that I suspect have been forgotten.

And now there is this whole #tbt and I have a TOTAL excuse to be lazy and resurrect old blog posts!

Plus a date I went on earlier this week reminded me of this one (This weeks' date was not similar...just saying)

And so...without further ado......

(from the days when I ran a lyrics blog....365 days, a song for each day)

Sept 9 2011
Lost         Micheal Buble

Ok so this song has really nothing to do with today...other than the title.  And I like the song so.....ready for the story!  ITS A DOOZIE

Tonight I went on a date with a guy I know from church.  He's a very sweet boy.  He wanted to show me a place called Devil's Ice Box (a cave here in Columbia).  Apparently it is a place you have to see if you are living in Columbia.  So we went to go see it and hike around the park it is in.

As we were going along we stopped for a break and he literally pulled out wine glasses and sparkling cider.  Yes my friends...we apparently fast forwarded to the proposal part of our relationship ;)

We chatted for a while just about random things.  And then started to head back to the car.  And this is when the wheels came off the wagon.  There was another trail that apparently lead to a sink hole we thought might be interesting to check out.  So we followed it.  And kept following it.  And kept following it.  We started on a "green" trail, and suddenly found ourselves on the yellow trail.  But of course....we had started on this second trail around 7 PM.  So we were now racing against time hoping to be able to get out of the interesting predicament we were in.

As we kept walking it kept getting darker.  We were so turned around and lost it wasn't even funny.  This poor kid kept turning to me thinking that some how I was the more spiritual of the two of us and would get a sudden prompting leading us down the right path.
Like I had any idea.  I might have been praying the entire time to get out of there...but I don't know if

"Oh my gosh I am stuck in the woods in the dark with a kinda weird guy and I am likely going to DIE...PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE" 

is really the best method of getting spiritual guidance.

Oh and did I mention it started to rain... cause it did.  And it got MUCH colder once the sun went down.

I've gotta say my favorite part of the night was when he suggested we start singing hymns.  Not sure if the purpose was for comfort or bringing the Spirit.  I mean I love singing..and love hymns...and I know we were lost...but still on a DATE!  Lets not sing...lets focus on getting out of this FREAKING FOREST!!!!!

I wanted to call 911 but he seemed to be protesting and not wanting to call.  I think it was a pride thing.  He wanted to get us out himself I guess.  MEN!  (insert serious eye roll here)
So I called my family hoping they could look up a map or give us a number for the park ranger who could point us in the direction of the parking lot.  They couldn't really help us out.  And by this point it was about 8:15 and seriously dark.  He tried his family.  But they preferred to make fun of us in our woe and couldn't help either.

Suddenly we saw a light...a light that looked like a street lamp.  So we starting going for it as fast as we could.  Then we realized there was a fence and a HUGE field between us and the light.  (Yeah we later found out we had make it to the WHOLE OTHER END OF THE PARK!!!!)

At this point I had had enough.  I didn't care if I wounded his pride.  I was NOT going to be stuck in these woods for another minute.  I was tired..and hungry...kinda thirsty..I had a blister (found a few more later tonight)...and I will be honest...I HAD TO PEE!!!  And there was NO WAY I was going off into the unknown woods...ON A DATE...even a bad date!!!!

And so I called 911 and talked to a very nice operator who was very understanding and kind.  I described as best I could where we were and how everything had happened.  And assured them at least 20 times we were ok.  Not too cold, not wet, not injured, not starving or dehydrated (not that this info was completely true...but I was on a date...so I had to be positive!)
Then they triangulated my signal (THANK YOU VERIZON!!!!!) And we stayed on the line roughly 45 minutes until the search and rescue party (which was already there for another lost group) came to get us.

They helped us hop the fence and then we walked across the field to their truck.  They then drove us about 10 MINUTES back to the parking lot where the car was.  But thankfully were rescued.

As we pulling into the parking lot, we were greeted by a fire truck, ambulance and several police cars, plus the park rangers.  HOLY COW!!!!  We got bombarded with questions amongst flashing lights.  I felt like I was at a crime scene.  But after getting all our information for their reports we were able to head out.

The guy I was with asked me if I wanted to get dinner.  And call me rude...but I told him "I think I need to get home"  It was 9:30 and we had left my apartment at 5:30.  And first dates should not be marathons!

I felt bad....because of all the people to get stuck in the woods with..he was better than most.
He is a perfect gentleman and did not take advantage of the situation like some guys might have.  And he remained upbeat and cheerful instead of cranky.  And he wasn't an obnoxious person to be around.
And he felt SOOOOO bad!  The poor guy was not planning on that being the way the night would go.  But it was certainly a memory.

(Of course I took a picture.....But to protect the innocent...I edited it a bit)

And in the tradition of the My Lyrical Life blog....
The song...............................

TBT:

Day 317 Mean

Oct 4 2011
Mean                 Taylor Swift

I have been waiting to use this song for like FOREVER!  Its so awesome, but no one has really qualified yet.  Till today.
I have not liked my clinical instructor for several weeks.  I have tried to be open minded and tried to be understanding.
But I have had enough.  I understand pushing.  But this is just being MEAN!  Inconsiderate and rude.
I have worked hard to get to where I am and I don't appreciate being treated like a complete idiot.
I am a human being not the scum between your toes.  You think we are going to learn when you belittle and abuse us?
If you give me expectations I have something to work for, but if you don't tell me what I need to do...how can I do it??  Sorry I can't read your mind.  Unfortunately divination was not a prerequisite for this program.

Someday I am going to be working as a nurse and I am going to be good at it.
I'm going to prove you wrong!

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me

You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded

You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow

But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation

You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them

I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you

I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold

But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road

And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game

With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean

All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city

(Why you gotta be so mean?)

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

(Why you gotta be so mean?)

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

(Why you gotta be so mean?)

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Things You Should Know About Tuesday: Trail of Hope

Another wonderful part of my trip was walking down the Trail of Hope.

There is a street in Nauvoo that leads right down to the river.

Along the road, there are markers, with the words of those driven from their homes, in the dead of winter by angry mobs.




They did not even have time to finish baking their bread.
Many people would say that atrocities such as these don't happen any more.
And if they do, they only happen in third world countries, ravaged by war and crisis.

But this hatred exists it exists all around us.

Some might say this type of hatred isn't tolerated anymore.
I could not disagree more.

Just because we might not see hatred, doesn't mean it is not here.


So how do we fight it?

I know it sounds cheesy and cliche...but with love.


With understanding and tolerance we can eliminate the hatred that leads to pain and hurt and devastation.

We can disagree and not hurt one another.
We can be different and not ostracize one another.

It is possible  If we just try.

Mix Tape Monday

So today, the actual mixtape-ness, is really just one song.

But oh well.


One of my favorite women...on my list of people I want to have lunch with is Emma Smith.

Emma was the wife of Joseph Smith, the first prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Throughout her life she suffered much persecution and many trials.
She lost children, she lost homes, and she finally lost her husband to an angry mob.



She impresses me.
She inspires me.


So today, we honor her, with one of my favorite songs.

Sunset on the Mississippi

A Moment To Get Away

As I look back on my life, the times I look back on with the greatest fondness generally focus on a time when I left town.

A time when I got out.
When I left regular life behind and had a little vacation moment.



With the crazy that has been happening in my life lately, I felt like I needed a break.

I had days in a row off, and so I took the middle day and got out of town.

I only really had the day, but I knew exactly where I wanted to go.

Only 3 short hours away and one of my favorite places on earth.



I have always loved this city.

Its an old settlement by the early members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, begun after fleeing Ohio and Missouri, and abandoned with the threat of mobs and further persecution.

There is a special spirit to this town.
The sacrifice of the former residents of this small city on the banks of the Mississippi makes it even more special.


It was a cold and windy day.  10 degrees colder than forecasted.  And when I say windy, I mean-I LITERALLY was blown over into a bench.

I wandered around for a while, visited the Nauvoo temple, and took a walk down Parley street and sat on the bank of the Mississippi.

It was perfect!

The drive there, suddenly I realized I was smiling and I didn't remember when I started, or what started it.

Its been a long time since that happen.
Spontaneous happiness with no clear rhyme or reason.
Its hard to come by.

And thank goodness for Nauvoo for helping me find that.


Like I said-one of my favorite places on earth!



More on my trip to come!!!!!!!!!

Dear Boys: A Letter to Sons/Nephews

(Since I am single and not sure at this point in my life if I will be Aunt Stephie or Mama)

Either way-here is what I want these boys to know....

Shout out to Nicole Shepherd of From the Mind of Nicole Shepherd who gave me the inspiration for this post

http://fromthemindofnicoleshepard.blogspot.com/2014/02/80-things-i-want-to-teach-my-sons.html

(LOVE LOVE LOVED everything she had to say)



And so...Dear Boys of My Future


1. Hang up your clothes the MINUTE they get out of the dryer.  Cause ironing is dumb and should be avoided.

2. Don't EVER leave the house a wrinkle-ly crinkle-ly mess.  (refer to number 1)

3. Brush yo teef...no one likes bad breath and gingivitis is no bueno

4. Don't always tell a girl she's beautiful..pretty is nice too.  Beautiful has unfortunately gotten kinda trite and cliche.

5. Never be afraid to apologize.  It is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign of strength.

6. If you feel like its something you have to hide-maybe you should reconsider doing it

7. Know that no matter what it is-you can talk to me about it.  If you are scared I'll get mad...come to me anyway.  If you are scared I'll be sad...come to me anyway.  I want to help you and I can help you.

8. Have meaningful morning prayers.  They are easy to forget about and hard to have.  But they are very protective.

9. Hold open doors...for everyone.  Its just a nice thing to do and people appreciate it.

10. Smile at people as you pass them in the halls...the store..on the street

11. Be polite to those who serve you...cashiers, waiters etc.  Even go above and beyond the thank you.  Say hello...ask them how they are....and NEVER EVER EVER think it is ok to be rude to them just because they are a stranger.

12. Remember it is just as prideful to look up as it is to look down.  Look straight ahead and focus on doing your best.  Don't compare

13. If you ever even consider a tattoo...or an earring....or something else equally stupid...Just stop.  There is no one reason for this.  The list is endless.  So just trust me and DON'T

14. Its ok to disagree with people.  But NEVER be disrespectful when you do it.

15. Remember that you will make mistakes.  But also know that rebellion is different.  Don't make mistakes on purpose.  You've been taught...now do your best.

16. NO MATTER which it is...rebellion or a mistake...you can fix it.  You can make it better.

17. You are in control.....don't let someone else push you to do something you don't want to do.

18. Again YOU are in control.  You as a person...not you as a guy.  Basically let me spell it out....your desires and passions are not who is in charge.  YOU ARE

19. Avoid ALL "back-burning".  Never keep a girl on the side/ in the background just in case things don't work out with the one you have now.  And don't allow a girl to play you like that either.  It won't be easy necessarily-but walk away

20. Speaking of walking away....much like apologizing, sometimes that is the greatest sign of strength.

21. Don't be reckless!  Its not cool to be dumb and risk getting hurt.

22. Avoid pornography like it is the plague.  Because it IS!!!!  I know you hear this all the time.  But its because it is INSANELY important.  It hurts your mind and your spirit.  It effects EVERY aspect of your life.  Please please please I beg of you.  Avoid AVOID AVOID
(and please refer to 6,7,15, and 16)

23. If you EVER DARE honk/whistle/cat-call at a girl.  I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!!!
And if you are picking her up on a date...GET OUT OF THE CAR.  YOU HAVE LEGS.  USE THEM TO WALK TO HER DOOR.  DO. NOT. HONK.

24. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.  Give both the benefit of the doubt...and then work hard to be better/help them be better

25. Allow yourself to feel.  Emotions are ok...happy sad angry.  Allow yourself to feel them all.

26. Make hometeaching about being a friend and not about checking it off a list

27. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in a rut.  Don't do the same thing over and over.  Try new things.  Find what you love.

28. Never avoid something because you think you will be bad at it.

30. I don't care what you do...just make me proud.  Do your best at whatever you choose and you will always win in my book.  Remember I love you....no matter what

With Love
From Me



Be Happy Be Healthy every one

Things You Should Know About Tuesdays: Neuroblastoma Kids

Ever since I started working in pediatics, there has been a story I have wanted to tell.

In the Summer of 2013, I received an email from a dear friend, an old youth leader who I loved very much.

The email told me of the sad news that her daughter Annika had been diagnosed with a stage 3 neuroblastoma.

The news saddened me greatly, knowing what little I did about cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Several months later I began to take care of other children with the same condition.
And now its gonna be pretty hard for me to be quiet about it.

"Awareness brings compassion and compassion brings action"

And we need all three.

Imagine being 2-3 years old (most occur in children under the age of 2).  Having a condition only 4 per million children have.  A condition that causes tumors to grow along the nervous system outside of the brain.

Picture having test after test run, in dark and scary rooms with loud and frightening machines.

It seems that every grown-up you see want to hurt you with a needle to get blood.

Then you sit in a big chair in front of a big desk, while your mom and dad cry.

And then suddenly more hospital visits.  You start to recognize that you are driving to a place that scares you and you begin to cry even before you arrive.

And suddenly there is a weird thing on your chest. But they seem to be able to get blood out of it so no more horrible pokes.

And then then the nurses start giving you "medicine" to make you "feel better".

But you don't feel better.  You feel tired and sick to your stomach.

You hurt and you don't know why  

You have to wear a mask everywhere you go and you can't do the things you used to be able to do.

You feel like you never get to be at home anymore.

You can't sleep through the night anymore, because either you wake up sick or someone wakes you up to "get blood", or "take vitals" whatever that means. 

Its not all bad I suppose,  You get ANY food you like cause all the grown ups seem to be very worried about how much you eat.  You get to watch lots of tv.  You get to meet famous people and have lots of grownups tell you how cute you are.  You get to see clowns and dogs, make music and be the nurse's helper.

Now I don't tell you this story for pity.  I don't even tell you this story to get money or support for a cure from you (although I have included a link below for more information and how to get involved.)

I tell you this story to open your eyes.

In my line of work I have realized how blessed every parent of a healthy child is.

And so this is all I ask.

Be grateful for your health and the health of those around you.

And please pray for those who are not.

Annika-so glad your journey is going forward...so glad you are coming home for a while.

All my love and prayers are coming atcha....don't try to dodge em cause we all could use a few extras!

I hope to continue to talk about neuroblastomas, and Annika's story as time goes on. 

http://www.cncfhope.org/

The list of foundations is endless.  I have done a SMALL amount of research and have found this foundation to be wonderful in there information and efforts for research.

I encourage you to do your own research of course before getting involved with ANY charity.

http://annikasepicjourney.com/about-me/

This is a blog begun by Annika's mother if you wish to follow her journey.

Notes From a Nurse: I Chose to Do This

I hesitate to to post this...but I'm on a "be real be honest" kick...
so here we go.

Also Disclaimer number 1.....please don't pity me....I hate pity.  This is not a shout out for attention or compliments or "you poor little dears".  It is simply a look into my life...in hope of building understanding.




A few weeks back I had a really busy/rough shift.  Nothing too medically difficult or skillfully difficult.  I had just been running and running.  I didn't sit down to eat my morning snack until 11:30...while I was charting.  And I didn't eat lunch till 4:30.  At which point my headache hit and I finished the day in 10/10 pain.

As I drove home, I stopped halfway to go to a church activity....it was organized by a good friend I wanted to support and hoped maybe some social interaction would help cheer me up

Going to the activity was likely NOT a good idea.  My headache transformed from a painful pounding to an unbearable throbbing, causing my stomach to turn and my vision scattered with little dots.
At this point, I didn't want to drive home...so I laid down across several chairs to close my eyes.

Several people acted very sympathetic...and one, meaning well said "There must be a better job you can find"


Maybe it was my "I left my house at 6 AM this morning and it is now 9 PM" brain talking.  Maybe it was the pain...maybe it was the busy stressful day.
But I bristled.  I was furious!

It reminded me of a blog post I read a few months back

DISCLAIMER NUMBER 2: please know that if you choose to read the following...there is some language I don't agree with and would never use myself.
Please DO NOT read if you will be offended by it.

http://ofcourseitsaboutyou.com/2013/08/11/the-effects-of-nursing-on-nurses/


I am not ashamed to admit to wishing my car would get hit so that I don't have to go into work.
(DISCLAIMER number 3...just a bad fender bender that prevents work for that day...not permanent bodily harm or death.......)
I have wished for fevers to give me a guilt free reason to call in.


I am a women with 2 college degrees.
And I frequently fetch water, ice and fluff pillows.

I am a professional.
And I have been groped and sexually harassed while at work.

I try to help people everyday I work.
And I have had food thrown at me, threatened with lawsuits and verbally assaulted.


I eat when I have time....use the bathroom when I have time....drink when I have time

I am a therapist, a social worker, a teacher, a housekeeper, a handyman, and most of all a punching bag.

I leave work more often than not with a migraine, aching feet and a sore back.

I work holidays.  I work weekends.  I work nights.  I drive to and from work in all weather conditions.
I work when I don't feel good.


My job isn't hard because I watch people die.
My job is hard because for 13 hours in a day, my time is not my own.
I belong to my patients, the doctors, the hospital.

Yes it can be rewarding.
Yes its incredible to hear a patient call you her favorite nurse.
Yes it is great when your favorite senior resident leads rounds and makes you feel like an important team member.
Yes there is nothing like catching that little thing that could have saved your patient's life
Yes its great to be "the best" on the floor at a certain skill.


But its not all roses.  Its hard work.

I hate my job.  But I chose this job.  And I don't plan or want to do anything else.

No...in fact there is nothing else I can do.
I haven't been duped.  I'm not just paying my dues.

This is my career.  This is who I am.


I know its hard to understand how someone can hate their job, but not want to do anything else.
But just know....its possible.  Its the life of a floor nurse


Special shout out to all my nurse buds out there.
Love you all..keep your chins up even on the hard days.
And here's to the moments that keep us going!



Be Happy Be Healthy Everyone

Needs...Causing Me Dysfunction

So I posted a few days ago a small small, vague little blurb about the struggles I have been facing lately.

I hesitated to even put that much up (private, personal people shouldn't have blogs hahaha).  But since then I have been pondering what was making me so unhappy.

NEEDS.

Not actual needs like food, sleep, air and social interaction.

But the
Perfect Job...satisfying and rewarding.  Good paying too
Incredible Friendships....the kind where you never fight, share clothes, finish each others sentences
Poem Worthy Romance...right out of the most recent Chick Flick
Pinterest Inspired Apartment/Home
Glamorous Social Life...free of Awkward Uncomfortable Encounters
Beautiful Children...who are both Well-Behaved AND Adorable



Kinda a hefty list right??
Not only is the list long and full of big stuff.
But the requirements of sheer impossibility added in?
I was setting myself up for complete failure and disaster

I was completely and 100% focused on those needs.
I said they were goals I was working towards.  I had a dream...and in my dream it all was possible.
But I let them become more than that.
I began to base the happiness...no contentment I felt on whether or not I was achieving these goals..aka whether or not my needs were being satisfied.

And so I acted.  But my futile attempts to force my impossible needs into fruition created
unhealthy and dysfunctional situations throughout all areas of my life.

How on earth can I be happy when my happiness is focused on the external?
I was setting myself up for failure.  And then the lack of happiness from not having my needs was only compounded on by the fact that I wasn't happy and couldn't figure out why.


Then I wrote that post about happiness on Sunday..and thought of Mara.
(she's my personal life coach along with Sara Barellies!)

Mara writes A Blog About Love and has frequently talked about happiness despite trials.

So I went back and re-read her thoughts on detaching from needs to find happiness.

She says it better than I ever could...
but basically we have to leave behind our desires for the external and search for kindness, compassion, patience.......

Basically we have to become more Christ-like......
We have to leave behind the anger and disappointment that our life is not what we think we need...and discover what our loving God has in store for us.


Is it easy?
NO

Have I messed up since writing this post?
YES


But I'm gonna try.

Will you???



Be Happy Be Healthy




http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2013/03/the-work-i-did-to-be-happy.html
http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2013/06/choosing-happiness-sunday-sermon.html#more

Follow Your Arrow

Alright....gonna chat for a bit about dating (sort of).....and advice........and a song I like lots and lots

So I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song.....Follow Your Arrow: Kacey Musgraves
for one line and one line alone

ok two......

(Can you guess which 2??????)

https://soundcloud.com/julie-humphries-1/follow-your-arrow 


(ok so there are more reasons to love it)


The past several weeks I have been receiving a great deal of advice.
Some sought after, some not.  Some helpful, some....eh hmmm less helpful.


But the biggest thing I have learned from advice receiving????
...good luck deciphering it all.

Ms Her says go left.  Mr Him says go right.  Mrs She says go up.  Msrt He says go down.

Bobby says date Billy.  Susie says run as fast as you can AWAY from Billy.
And to top it all off Jimmy some how figured out a way to suggest you do both!

NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THAT??????????


Do what makes you happy they say

OH I AM TRYING!!!!


But really advice can be nice.  I generally appreciate it, and I generally have no problem giving it.
HOWEVER...

To receivers of advice...I give you a bit of advice (no the irony is not lost on me!)


Just follow your arrow.....
Wherever it points

Basically...trial and error.  Go for what you think will work great....

And if it doesn't...redirect and try something else.

So often we are completely unwilling to try things out.  

What if it fails, what if I look like a fool.

BUT what if it succeeds, what if you look like a hero.

So do what is hard.  Don't listen to anyone but yourself.

Ask her out.  Break up with him.  Find a new job.  Go back to school.

Follow your dream whatever it takes.

(The irony of this post coming the week of V-day is also not lost on me!)

So Be Happy....Be Healthy

(oh and in case you didn't guess...the lines are "Horrrrrrrrr-ible person" and "Kiss lots of boys")

Musical credits to Julie Humphries

Being Happy When There Is Nothing To Be Happy About

For those who follow this blog, this post is going to serve as a bit of an explanation.

Anyone who pays devoted attention (aka likely only Little Sister) I have been posting fairly infrequently since the end of July.

Some events in my life at the time led me to be very busy and blogging seemed unimportant when weighed against spending time with people I cared about.

Then December hit...and with it great changes in my personal and professional life.  I was running on life's treadmill as it got faster and faster and the elevation climbed and climbed.

It was a very sad time for me.  And I honestly couldn't figure out how to blog.
I am a VERY firm believer in authentic and honest blog...but not neg-logging.
I have always wanted my blog to be a place of positivity and happiness.
For goodness sake happiness is in the name!!!!!


But it was hard to have anything happy to say when I was so sad myself.
I made a few feeble attempts, but generally lost the motivation and desire a few posts later.


But why am I telling you this?
Perhaps it is an apology.  Perhaps merely an explanation.
Perhaps it is a warning.  A caution to not slip into the same sadness I did.

Or maybe...just maybe it is a consolation.

Not every moment in our lives are we going to be at our best.
Wouldn't we all love to say that we can be happy even when life is sad.
That we can find the silver lining in any situation.
But thats just not true 100% of the time.

Even me-who's motto in life is Smile Because it Happened, couldn't find anything to smile about.

So here is my message.  I've been there.  I feel your...pain? sadness? melancholy?
I also I hope that it ends for you soon.
Keep trying to look for the good.  Even if you can't find it.
There will be a day, when you will wake up and see a beautiful sunrise or hear a beautiful song on the radio, and you will appreciate it.
And you'll realize you are healing...you are getting better.  And you will be happy again.


And with that...Be Happy Be Healthy