TWATTSG: the DTR...It Shouldn't HAVE to Happen

I know its Monday-which usually means music. .
But I'm not feeling music (weird I know!)

BUT a conversation with Little Sister and Baby Sister yesterday sparked some thoughts
And so I will share......


First some background for those who are not in the Mormon dating culture (lucky ducks!  haha jk)

A DTR, or determine the relationship, is a common occurrence in our world.  Its a conversation where both parties are able to communicate their wants and needs in the relationship and where they see/want it to go.

DTRs are not simply limited to "alright we've been on a couple of dates, are we dating exclusively/officially?" They also can be employed whenever a couple would like to take the next step in their relationship.


Now, did you see how I bolded and italized the word CAN?
That means I don't really approve of the DTR in ALL situations.
Now I will concede that sometimes you have to...communication is important and I would never discourage it.
HOWEVER.  In most situations...DTRs create MORE trouble and drama than they prevent.

Too many times after a long (generally whiny) gab fest with a girlfriend about confusion over a hot/cold guy...the result is advice to have a DTR.

DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!!!!

It is VERY possible to have a natural organic and obvious progression in a relationship.
As long as you are progressing.
Signs can let you know -- if he keeps asking you on dates....he prolly doesn't hate you.  If he holds your hand....if he kisses you.  If he introduces you as his girlfriend.  If he asks you to marry him.

Does this make sense??
I feel like guys worry that we don't want your "advances".
(PS 9 times out of 10 she wants it! like FOR REALS!!!!!)
If we don't we will let you know.  Its VERY easy to get out of holding someone's hand/kissing them/marrying them.
So just give it a shot.....

I know this is putting a lot of pressure on the guys.

And in a future post perhaps I will put more on the gals.
(cause we do have a little power wink wink nudge nudge)
But today I would like to borrow a thought from my favorite "Spicy Chicana"

"PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS!!!!"

DTRs can be avoided....just avoid plateaus.
Don't be hot and cold.  And you will do just fine :)


And thats the world according to this Swilly Girl!


Now Be Happy Be Healthy...and put on your BIG BOY PANTS  ;D

Exceptions and Rules

Its no secret that this swilly girl is absolutely and totally IN LOVE with this movie.





And let me tell you...it pretty much is the basis of all romantic decisions I make for myself, and all romantic advice I give.

Dramatic yes.  Ridiculous probably.  

But lets be real.  It hasn't failed me yet!


EXAMPLE:  I have this friend..... And since I'm a nurse...for HIPAA protection, lets call her..hmmmmm Gigi   ;)


Gigi met this guy about a month ago.  She thought he was cute right off...and she climbed the interest level ladder (see THIS post) the more she got to know him.

They went on a first date.  She had a blast.

And then later with her friend Janine (think me haha) go over the "signs" cause they "love signs!"


Now Janine is pretty good with signs, if she does say so herself.  And all the signs point towards the conclusion that boy is into Gigi.




BUT then date two happens.  And Janine and Gigi begin to wonder.  So they watch the movie and pull out the book...and go over the signs.  And well......get empowered.  Cause just cause he isn't doesn't mean no one ever will  

V-DAY!!!!

Alright peeps......

February 14th.....


Its certainly not my favorite day of the year.

But nay-sayers....it is not because I am single and "alone".


Its cause too many people take it to the extremes.


The bitters get all uptight and twisted into knots about "Singles Awareness Day"
They have "Anti-Valentines Day" parties and get all sorts of cranky.


Then there are the gushies.  The ones who are only making a big deal of this day because of the pressure involved, whether from society or their sig-o.  This is the many public declarations, obscenely excessive gifts, and enough cheese to supply an entire third world country with grilled cheese for the rest of their lives!!!!!!!!!!


Which leaves me in a group I like to call the "disillusioned"
The group that feels like we should celebrate with the ones we love on any day...not just a day when society pressures us to.
Thats us.  We are a cool group....and you are welcome to join. We have jackets :)

So that is my problem with this holiday.

(also...flowers die and chocolate makes you sick...who decided these symbolized love?????)


But here is why I LIKE this holiday.

There is an inherent humor in it!  The amount of puns and jokes that can be made alone could make someone love such a silly day!

So to cheer up any of the bitters who might be reading...or to perk up the disillusioned who are just annoyed today :)

Come on...you know you are smiling :)

Happy Valentines Day Blogger Friends!

I truly do love you!!!!

Be Happy and Be Healthy!!!!!!!

Dear Boys "Happy Wednesday"

Have a good Wednesday everyone!


dear mr mystery
so you think i am "pretty darn cute" eh?  HECK YES i am!  and its about time someone noticed!
love
a girl who is flattered-but just wants to be friends

"Let's be friends forever, friends forEVER"  (Just for you Baby Sister!)

dear mr mystery
ummmm yeah so i have this friend.  and i think you two would be PARFAIT!!!!! like seriously.  i need to figure out a sneaky way to get you her email/number.......
love
the matchmaker

dear felon
NICE!!!!!!
love
a girl who is definitely into you

dear felon
aw crap this is going to be awful isn't it?  i have always hated this part.  the "pick the flower petals off the flower" part.  UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
love
girl who is unsure...always unsure


dear tall and lanky
alright so heres the deal.  you are funny.  you are kind.  you are smart.  you are not unattractive.  you are quite righteous (but not too righteous).  these are all qualities that i look for in a guy...for my very dear friend.  lets work on this shall we????
love
the matchmaker


dear bare backsides of old men
if i never had to see one of you again i would be so happy!
love
a nurse who can't wait till she is done paying her dues in the adult world and can transfer to peds!


dear boys who are gentleman
thank you so much.  i don't think you know how much we appreciate it when you do things like open the door for us and walk us to the door/our cars and carry heavy things for us.  its not that we can't do it ourselves or that we are weak or fragile or anything.  its just nice when someone does something kind for us!
love
a lady who doesn't mind a little chivilry



The original spinmaster :)

Be Happy Be Healthy

HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Happy Monday everyone!
So its been forever since I posted!  SAD DAY!
Note to self...be careful when trading shifts.  You may think you are being nice and appeasing the "shift swap" gods...but really you are just messing up your entire schedule and leaving yourself to work 6 shifts in 8 days.  YUCKY!

Anyway. We are back (hopefully!) and doing a special memory this week.  This memory is in honor of some very exciting happenings in my life right now :)


Once upon a time there was a girl who needed a friend.  And she met another girl who really needed a friend.  And so they became friends-tender mercy friends.

They only got a few months to hang out before life pulled them in different directions.  One headed across the ocean...while the other moved home to be with her family.

But apparently fate was not done with these two.  And by a stroke of luck and hard work, the one girl came back to this side of the world, and landed a job...right in the other girl's hometown.

And they are not AT ALL excited about it...in the least little bit!





So why is it that this is their song?  Why is it that every time it comes on...they look at each other, exclaim "its our song!" and then proceed to sing and dance like no one is watching???
And why for roughly 3 months was EVERY _____ Me Maybe meme posted back and forth on each other's FB walls????


That would be because of a fateful trip to Kansas City.  (the story is far to long to tell right now!)

So enjoy...dance and sing and all that jazz.....and have a call me maybe moment eh?

Also sad day...there is no picture of the 2 of us that I want to put up???  We need to rectify this!!!

Be Happy Be Healthy

Some Nights

Ok so heres the dealio.

Sometimes I really HATE work.  Usually I still love my job though.
Nursing is great, being a nurse sometimes not so much!

I love caring for my patients, but hate the craziness of being understaffed and the floor being full of patients who are not medically appropriate for our area.

In the words of a co-worker "We are too young and too new to already hate coming to work".

And she is right.  BUT...at the same time, I can't dread going into work.  And I certainly won't be a very good nurse if I have a super bad attitude.


Now I have never been one who is in the Field of Dreams camp.You know-the "If you build it they will come" camp.

Saying over and over "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job" will not make me love my job.
But it might make it so that I don't hate my job.

The power of positive thinking can make things better.  Doesn't fix.  But it does improve.



And SOOOOO.  We are going  to focus on the good parts of my job.  And try to not dwell on rough parts.

It'll take a little bit of work.  Positive thinking always does.

So for now....while I make mental and actual lists....
Lets listen to my current theme song.
Wahoo night shift.
Wahoo being at a time in life where you have NO IDEA what the next day will bring

(yes its glee...sorry fun. but choral will always beat auto-tuning!)

Be Happy Be Healthy 

And Make a Positives List!

A Lesson In Body Language...Thanks DC

Lets just start with the video...which I preface by saying it is almost 100% accurate and HYSTERICAL.

Following will be my review...so enjoy ;)

ALRIGHT....

Ready for the breakdown??

I'll only go with the falsehoods...cause I could discuss the truths of this ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!

False: Gals DO NOT move their lips subconsciously!!!  Where did you hear that???  Who is spreading such lies!!!!  However, a gal might lick her lips.  That is a fairly universally acceptable signal (but most girls I know don't actually use this one, we just all know about it)

False: The dumb acting.  This isn't actually false, I just want to give a warning.  Don't act too dumb cause then they think you ARE dumb (no way!  I never would have guessed!).  You just want them to help you.  Reaching high things and carrying heavy things tends to be more effective.  Play the weak card.

False: Girls do not push guys they don't like at all.  They avoid touching them at all costs.

False: Diagonal is not that bad.  Usually just means friendship...see previous POST  for more info.

(PS...I've been talking about levels of hugs for YEARS!!!!)

False: The rub???  Does anyone rub???  The pat is no good...that's true...but rubbing seems SUPA weird.  

False: A girl who touches your leg is kinda a tramp??  Not true!!  Leg touching is different from leg grabbing.

Grabbing=trampy  Touching=she likes you...cause that doesn't happen on accident!!!

False: Meat, kissing, explosions and sports....just gotta add that sports in.  

Also men only think they are simple.  To a girl you are crazy complicated!  As evidenced by snuggling for warmth vs snuggling for well...you know.

But in your defense....we are equally complicated.....probably.  If you ask me we just want to be taken out and treated nice.  What's so complicated about that?? (wink wink)

Anyway...Go forth and...try not to get into relationships you don't realize you are in :D

Maybe I should have done a video response to this one...cause I hope everyone catches my sarcasm..and doesn't think I'm at all serious about this ;)

Be Happy Be Healthy!

Musical Memories....Please Don't Judge

Happy Monday Everyone.

Today we have a WHOLE playlist!

Allow me to give you some background.

My junior year a gal moved into my complex and we hit it off right away.  Me and another friend helped orchestrate her relationship with a nice gentlemen (think surprise party with him as distraction-not earth shattering but HIGHLY effective!)

But because we orchestrated this relationship, she eventually had to sell the contract she bought in our apartment.  Leaving a spot...that was filled by her now sister-in-law....aka Meredith (scroll down to the M's)

I could go on and on about how much I love this girl...and how she is my best friend EVER.  And how she knows things about me no one else knows.  And how we have been through EVERYTHING together. And  how we understood each other almost perfectly!

But that doesn't completely relate to this song....

We lived together for only 8 months but it might as well have been a decade!  And in that time we had many stressful moments, that often led to long and occasionally tearful conversations.

Now I also should mention we are both "Fixers"
(lets blame her rec therapy career and my almost career in family therapy....)

Anyway we always wanted to fix things....But some things just can't be fixed.  So what did we do???

Not sure how it actually started but we started listening to Simple Plan.

Yes ladies and gents judge away...Simple Plan the "rock" band from the early 00s.

Eventually we got to the point where we skipped the talking and simply walked in the room, flopped on the other's bed and said "Simple Plan?"  while the other one quickly obliged.


Not quite sure what it is about Simple Plan...but it always perked us up.

I mean who wouldn't feel better after a seriously angsty version of
"I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare"???

Its like when a doctor orders a ton of medication that hurts your kidneys in attempts to jump-start your kidneys.
Angsty depressing music when you are depressed actually ends up being so ridiculous it becomes laughable!


So enjoy..and I promise if you are having a bad day it will get better with this playlist.





Also please please don't judge us!!!!!!!

Be Happy Be Healthy

The Ward Menu--The Rules

Hope you all enjoyed Little Sister's post yesterday.
I know I had a lot of look in readers (Little Sister has lots of friends-Miss Popular!)

Hope some of you have stuck around.  We have fun around here in the Swilly World and we always love new friends.
Just make sure you follow

over there!



(please excuse bed-head hair and lack of makeup....its my day off and I am NOT getting ready if I don't have to!!!)





Yesterday Little Sister mentioned the Ward Menu.

Allow me to elaborate.

The Ward Menu---aka the Ward Directory---aka a list of people, their addresses and phone numbers (with pictures sometimes) who are in your local congregation.

Very helpful no??

Yes...but it also can present several pitfalls.


So I would like to present a few rules....or perhaps I should call them guidelines...cause rules are meant to be broken.

I simply present these as suggestions to assist as you attempt to avoid AUEs.

There are only three...and they all are kinda common sense.



1. Ladies DON'T use the directory phone numbers to call up/text guys unless it is for your calling.  Apparently this can be seen as creepy.  And though an alarming amount of guys seem to be saying they like forward (aka creepy) girls.  They are the minority and/or are lying.

2. Gentleman DON'T use the directory phone numbers to call up/text a girl unless it is for your calling. Not because it is weird.  But because you should put on your big boy pants and ask the girl for her darned number!!!!   (I do not at all feel strongly about this one).

You can break this one guys....but it you better have a good excuse.  Like you are a mute and can't ask girls for their numbers.  Or you were maimed the last time you saw her and now are in the hospital and she can't come visit unless you call her...with a number you got from the directory.

3. Don't mark up your paper copy with color coding, symbols or dog ears with your roommates.  Drawing hearts on your favorites, or putting different marks on each based on which roomie is interested/gets dibs, or worst of all color coding by hotness...just leads to bad things when the guys come over..and then ask to borrow your copy. Or worse...happen to see it sitting on the table and flip through your obviously worn copy



The Ward Directory can be an excellent tool.
If used appropriately.


OR inappropriately in complete secret ;)



BE HAPPY BE HEALTHY!!!!!

Favorite Things Friday-Little Sister Guest Post

Alright ladies and gents.  Its Friday and this Friday, I would like to introduce one of my favorite things.

LITTLE SISTER!!!!!

In her official blogging world debut!

When she told me this story I told her she HAD to do a guest post.

And so everyone..enjoy Little Sister

Be Happy Be Healthy!

SOOO when I called home after church today and was relaying this story Stephanie insisted that I must guest post, because it’s just too good to not share!

So here I am :)

BYU singles wards are…. Interesting to say the least haha it’s taken a while for me to get used to certain things, and I’m still not entirely – the dead silence because there’s no children, the weekly mission calls and engagements, and every talk is also a chance to get your name and face out there in hopes of a date.

In the church there’s a big push to date, to get married – we’re big on families!

So singles wards = the dating version of the hunger games.  

The ward directory is also the ward menu or the ward selectory as you date around and get to know people.

Ward prayer is also a prime opportunity to ask someone out, some wards even do what’s called “date minute” where people can publicly ask whomever they would like out on a date.

The first counselor in my bishopric (leadership group of the congregation) has always been kind of known to joke about dating but it’s never been that big of a deal and it fits his overall goofy demeanor.  But this week in church my bishop had a go…. And it was well…. Interesting to say the least hahahaha

Now with the new semester we’ve had a lot of new people move in and the process of handing out callings (assignments to help the congregation run smoothly) has been kind of slow so he wanted to remind us that in the meantime to make sure and fulfill our other “callings”.  In the church we also have what’s called home and visiting teaching – essentially you’re assigned someone to teach and visit with every month to foster friendship and make sure everyone gets taken care of.  So his reminder about this assignment was actually quite appropriate.

But then… he started in on the dating.  (it went something like this)

"Ladies why not take advantage of home teaching to get a date he offered.  

And future missionaries?  You need to practice making appointments – call up a girl this week and take her out on a date.  

In addition to your other callings you also have this one – date.  Especially you return missionaries. 

Make their day!"

More like freak them out…. But I’ll roll with it ;)

LinkUp With Elisey!!!

Frankly I have never met this gal...but someday I hope to, cause she is SUPA cool.

http://www.elisespiecesblog.com/

She is the original spin master of dear boys.

And she ROCKS!!!



Any-whoy-woooey.   Let us begin!


dear troubled  boy
call me back!  i want to help you, but i can't if you don't call me back!
love
mama steph


dear dum-dum
i NEVER expected to miss you that much!  when i went i knew i would be happy to see you, but not giggly girly happy.  don't take it the wrong way.  its just been a while since i have had such a good guy friend around.
love
a surprised girl

dear bell boy
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.  also thank you for the "awkward hug", which was actually not that awkward at all.  hmmmmm hmmmmm
love
girl who could be into it if you are.......

dear guy caught looking
not actually looking (although that did happen)  think baseball.  i threw that ball RIGHT OVER the plate and you didn't even swing!
love
gal who guesses you are just not that into her

PS...but other signs point to the idea that you might be.  UGH the confusion haha!

dear driver and company
ya'll are fun and i'm glad we hung out.  also thanks for the funny set up excitement.  it made me chuckle.
love
a single gal


And as always Be Happy Be Healthy.



And make sure you link up!!!

Pinterest-Not Just For Recipes Anymore

Alright ladies (gents if you are on Pinterest...get off....and turn in a man-card!)
We all know that the following statement is 110% true

BUT I have an announcement.  Gone are the days of 100s of recipes you will never try...the simple looking crafts that turn out to be a disaster in actual application....the makeup tips that are more like photoshop tips.

Pinterest is now a place to learn flirting techniques!

Go with me on this one ok???

The other day I get on Pinterest...skimming my friend's pins as usual.  And THIS came up!

      http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Palms

Palm reading eh???  It took 30 minutes to of perfecting my skills to figure out my own life and personality.......

Highlights Include 

~emotional trauma in my love life, (check!) 

~practical thinking, (yep...)

~lots of momentousness decisions, (alright this one might be crap..cause doesn't everyone??) 

~strength and enthusiasm, (true)

~sociable talkative and witty... (just ask anyone!)

~and I have no fate line (hoping that isn't a bad thing!)

ANYWAY...After a few minutes I discovered that this new skill could be VERY beneficial.

think.....

YEP...this could go very well for us ladies......

Of course you would have to go about it sneekily to ensure that you didn't come across as a crazy dittzy gal..."Oh I know how to read palms..can I read yours?  (insert giggle and dumb hair flip here)

NO THANK YOU!!!!

We can do better than that!

We can be slick about it..... 

So ladies get on it!!!!!

Just kidding.  But seriously.....

Be Happy Be Healthy!!!

Music Anyone?? Its Monday!

Howdy peeps!

This weekend the best boy in the WHOLE WIDE world turned 21.

Yep Baby Brother can now legally drink and gamble in Vegas!

Of course he has been able to drink in Ghana since he got there!  (legal age there is 18)

But his mission president might look down on that!


Anyway..the summer before he left-I spent lots of time at home, living so close again.
We both drove and with only the one van to drive, when we were going places we took turns driving.
(And by took turns I mean always argued who had driven last)

Now some more background-my brother is not a big country music fan.  But this song was kind of a family favorite
(I started it with my love of any song involving "allechol"..just saying!)

Whenever he drove, he would hook his iPod up to the stereo...and we would rock out.

You've never heard this song until you have heard it sung by 4 Yankee kids...in the best TWANG they can muster!!!!

"Rain makes carn and carn makes whiskey"  :D



Miss you Baby Brother!!!
BUT...we are in the 100s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Be Happy Be Healthy

Beautiful Heartbreak

Too much to write about today....


so I'll just say thanks to a fellow blogger........

Thanks for posting this Elizabeth!

 I was first introduced to this song a couple months back while in nursing school
(probably by another blogger...possibly Elise)

Some days you just need to be reminded that its all going to be ok.....that things are gonna work out!



Be Happy Be Healthy

So I Feel Like I Should Post Today

But frankly.  I'm not sure what to post about.

A lack of ideas is not the problem.  In fact its quite the opposite.  I have bunch of ideas and I'm not sure which direction to go in!!!!!

(which is weird for me since I have been in quite the bloggers block recently)